Lion

I feel like everyone around me is annoyed in my presence and they just want to get rid of me somehow
and yet I thought I wouldn't be depressed anymore but it keeps following me like a snake and I cant get rid of it
I feel like I was meant to
I gtg
il vent lagter tho...

child to my life and the world around me. I feel like I'm there for other people but no ones there for me
I wanna be hugged and be said that everything will be all right instead of carrying my and others problems [theres nothing wrong with other peoples problems, I just cant stand my own]

brush it away and try to tell me to "deal with it" when Im dealing with a forty pound weight on my back] instead of nagging, she was busy in her own situation and decided not to care [she never cares, I'm still a burden/disappointment to her and Edgar's family] I feel like a helpless/scared/weak

assumed I cut myself [I would only do that in a very severe situation where I wished death really bad and my tears were to the point where it looks fake] and offered to watch over me [Im very uncomfortable in that state] but I pushed her away too [I dont like telling her because I'm afraid she'll

always there so I hid in the restroom [I was trying not to show that I was crying because I didn't wanna be pityed constantly when my sister is obviously going through a worse trauma (at least I think???)] Olive tried asking what I was doing and I told her to go away but she brought in mom and mom

least I didn't go to the mental hospital" way and it broke my heart
she even said stuff that consist of: overdramatic, a big whiny rodent, and something like embarrassing [I thought she was crying so I pointed it out and ekmbaarased myself] but I couldnt be in my comfort space because my sister is

10/5/25

I couldnt see my uncle because my mom was disappointed and mad at the time because me and Olive are always on electronics but my sister said that mom was doing it for "her own benefit" and I had a conversation with her but then she brought up me and being at the mental hospital
in a "at

Thread of me spilling out my feeling from my journal because I'm bored and my main is deactivated for embarrassing/humiliating/stupid reasons

me
you play favoritism all the time
you favorite your youngest and get mad at your oldest all the time
I don't like my life
I hate it
I hate it and myself
I'm just a freak to her

support
now I suffer to myself
I barely see my counselor which basically means Im pretty much to suffer by myself
you break my heart repeatedly
I barely talk to anyone
you say I'm embarrassing
to you I'm just your little toy to break when your not feeling good
you want to take everything away from

she doesn't want to admit I'm a dissapointment
"a dissapointment is someone you lose faith for"
rewind to when you said something like that
"i've stopped trying for her, I've given up"
that's basically losing faith for me
you don't care because I have no reasoning for you
you were my last mental

I don't want to go home
she scares me
I wanna stay in school and bawl my eyes out
she's always watching me
she even took my phone away and claimed it as her own
I don't want to go back
I just wanna live my life
I can't feel happy for even a day
I don't know what to do
I wanna cry
I hate myself

SHITTY ATTITUDE
I CUDDLE HER BUT YOU NEVER PAY ATTENTION
I LOVE HER BUT ALL YOU SEE IS MY STUPID BRAIN "MELTING"

IT IS CONFIRMED
MY MOM IS A BITCH, I WILL FOREVER HATE HER, AND SHES TAKING AWAY MY MOST PRECIOUS (AND ONLY) DOG
FOR THAT I WILL ATTEMPT TO STARVE, CUT, AND ISOLATE MYSELF FROM EVERYONE I LOVE
FUCK THIS FUCK HER AND FUCK MY LIFE
"you don't even take care of her"
AND YOU WONDER WHY I HAVE A

while on a typing game, a word said "alive"
i spelled dead instead
also i made a playlist of songs that made me cry so far

a cartoon tennis ball with a sad face on it ALT: a cartoon tennis ball with a sad face on it

another day
another time-to-lose-my-shit
(idk why I added a gif I just felt like it)

a cartoon of a red diamond and a yellow pencil standing next to each other ALT: a cartoon of a red diamond and a yellow pencil standing next to each other

TODAYS THE DAY-

I try to fuck myself even more than I am fucked up...

I wanna cry ._.

"Can't wait to get rid of her"
Im sorry
please forgive me Nakia
I didn't mean to be your shitty owner
I gave you love, then stopped paying attention
Im sorry

everytime I try
I end up as a brat
what is wrong with me?
why am I like this?
why do I do these things
I just want to die
I just think everyone is better off without me...

I don't need to do it in detail
I can do it lazy
but that's not enough for her
and my sister
she acts like she's the bigger sister when we argue
I always fear her yelling
but I don't act like it
I try to be the bigger sister
but I'm just a weak soul who can't do anything
I cant be strong

Im always a smartass w/ her
but I don't like it
I just don't know why I keep doing it
I'm just a selfish useless spoiled horrible weak brat in her eyes
"I feel bad just seeing you like this"
then why do you add the insults?
everyday you want me to do my summer reading
but I already did it

but it feels so real
and so far, my progress is nowhere near staying in this school
I don't wanna lose everything again
not again
I wanna stay here
I don't wanna leave
but she doesn't care
she never cares
she only cares about [Olive] and Adam
she always gets mad at me
because I always act back

But I cant lose my family members
but that doesn't make it any better that I act like a brat to my family
and doing that...
"Just like I told [Olive], you have the end of September to change that attitude before you move"
Im scared
I don't know if she's bluffing
she normally does...

It's my fault
I act like a brat at school
but I don't act like that to my friends
why doesn't she understand that
I keep telling her
"Just how you act here is how you probably act to your friends"
I love all my friends
and I never act like a brat to them
because I'm afraid to lose them

bad day
sad day
I feel alone
I have never *wanted* to cry in front of someone in so very long
my head hurts

And if my mom says she "doesn't mean it," why does she keep giving me insults?

When I get mad at my mom after an argument, I cry
she thinks it's because "I don't get what I want"
no
I cry because I feel as if I'm the selfish, useless, spoiled freak and saying it to myself makes me cry
what if I am selfish
what if I am useless
what if I am spoiled
what if I am a freak

What am I saying

Why am I being so dramatic

...

I'll see myself out...

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Now that I'm venting I'm just gonna post this here. (Idc it that doesn't help or make a difference I just want to end myself)