Stephen McBarron

“I’m sorry Dave, I can’t do that”

Mandelson arrested - #bbcpm

I like talking books but somehow can’t get along with podcasts

Derek Nimmo - it was in his contract that he had to end every episode of anything he was in pulled up into the belfry tangled in the ropes, even if it was a serious drama by Harold Pinter or something like that #r4today

Can’t stand podcasts #r4today

Can’t stand YouTube #r4today

People can’t go to the cinema if there’s nothing out there! Currently full of dross - there’s only that daft Wuthering Heights film out there at the moment and apparently that’s not all that. #r4today

Yes - sorry but I was having a good day then someone triggered me by deliberately being awkward and creating work and hassle where none was needed. This day is a write off now so I’ll have to try for a reset tomorrow

Why does everyone in Ambridge think there’s a fortune to be made taking mobile things to Festivals? Tom’s daft burger van, that dafter Pizza Van and now this daftest of all Horesebox Hair Salon? Festivals are seasonal and it’s a short season! #TheArchers

Go to the cinema? There’s nothing out there - that daft Wuthering Heights thing looks the best of a bad bunch #TheArchers

Why do you need to put a salon in a horsebox - just work in your customers houses like mobile hairdressers actually do #TheArchers

No Lent thing this year? Best one from the thick end of 20 years ago now was the Vicar sleeping in a tent in people’s gardens to highlight suffering (not sure it was directly referencing the homeless) and ended up with flu. #TheArchers

So long as Leeds keep on grinding out the points this is going to be ok. Probably 7 points needed from 11 games (think they’ll get 12 minimum which is 43 points a position from which no team has ever been relegated)! #bbcpm

Yes - he was. Thanks for the info

Trump says he’ll impose a 15% worldwide tariff? Ok - all the other countries get together and impose a 5,000% tariff on Yankee Doodle goods! Shut the twonk up (bet be blinks first)! #bbcpm

Whatever Simon Jenkins says - do the opposite! Never fails! #bbcpm

Robust democracy says the lady bigging up the hereditary principle? Yup - 21st Century Britain! #bbcpm

In case you missed it at Noon it’s not too late to celebrate Hoodie Hoo Day! Pull a grotesque face and run about waving your arms to scare away Old Man Winter! Scientists and Clergymen swear by this method so why not give it a go? #bbcpm #TheArchers

All a bit Mr. Cholmondley-Warner there asking why people in far flung parts of the Empire why they love the King so much. Think the picture was taken round at Zack Polanski’s house! #bbcpm

Sick of hearing that Maxwell crew bleating - stop platforming them. Their sister is a convicted sex trafficker! They live well given the Maxwell pensioners never got their money back! They live very well indeed! Bunch of skunks! #wato

All reasonable care yet you often read about climbers who decided to go up Everest wearing nothing but a thong and flip flops despite a forecast of heavy snow! Yup! #r4today

Bishop dude on Thought for the Day is right - world looks very different when you come back from the dead (heart restarted in my case)! Must have been the same for Jairus’ daughter, Lazarus and the son of the widow of Nain - all brought back by Jesus! Enjoy it while you can! #r4today

Since when did up to my armpits in underage girls = totally exonerated? #r4today

Suspect if it had been the Met Police instead of Thames Valley they’d have pussyfooted about for years, gone to Portugal for a free holiday (look for Madeleine McCann) then said ‘no evidence’, nothing to see here - move along please!’ Certainly wouldn’t have arrested a Royal! #r4today

Yes - it’s excellent

8th in line? He’d have to do the full Kind Hearts & Coronets to inherit the crown! Zero chance he’ll get there! #bbcpm

No - my understanding is the monarch cannot be prosecuted - only person in UK exempt (sovereign immunity)

True - it’s not so much to have a go at Charles, just when the likes of Dimblebly claim to be close friends I’m always reminded of others who made that claim too

BBC man described as close friend of Charles (No, not Dimbleby - this one from yesteryear) #wato

In the old days they used to play the National Anthem on the BBC on Prince Andrew’s birthday - this year he’d be lucky to get the Z Cars theme played on a Kazoo just before the police turned up! Funny old world! #wato