Roku City Comptroller

it's been how many years since we've seen a wrathful god lay waste to a world overburdened by sin? I look at my back at my wife all the time and she barely ever turns into a pillar of salt. its boring. we've fallen into a routine in this world

Sports prophet.

Oh you built your city on "Rock and Roll"? I built this city on Beef Stock. It's why everything is soggy and smells savory. You want to change that, run for mayor. Until then get the fuck out of my office.

The guard to the left tells only lies. The guard on the right also exclusively lies. They’re called The Lyin’ Bros, and despite their mendacity, they provide top-notch security services, highly recommended.

Andrew Tate and Brother Tristan Are Under Criminal Investigation in Florida: Attorney General Andrew Tate and brother Tristan are the target of a criminal probe, according to Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier.

It's so funny that even Florida, after five days of Andrew Tate living there, is like "you're going to jail buddy"

Our opposition party is run by theater kids

*Nancy Pelosi smiles from her bacta tank, having been elected to another congressional term at the age of 105*

God they're just so fucking useless

Cartoonishly evil

Every Republican in this country should be getting treated like this guy.

Me: I know pantyhose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone

Teller: So is this not a robbery?

Me: No, it is

repost is trans people should have free boneless wings

I love boneless wings :3

this is why solidarity is the most important principle you can have

"an injury to one is an injury to all" as a guiding principle will never steer you down a road that ends up at a concentration camp

One triple baconator would kill this man.

Shame Kissinger's gone. Would have made a good keynote speaker.

Don't put me in a camp for taking Lexapro. Put me in a camp for my crippling caffeine addiction. If you're going to take away my coping mechanisms, at least get it right.

I'm actually making the local architecture even more hostile. I've taught a bus station to say swears. I've replaced two of the benches in the park with mimics. There are three Nullification Runes hidden in the library. The trees smell like Axe Body Spray™. I am NOT fucking around anymore!

Third tweet in Nazi JD Vance's meltdown in defense of Hitler Youth: "I don't worry about my kids making mistakes, or developing views they later regret. I don't even worry that much about trolls on the internet. You know what I do worry about, Ro? That they'll grow up to be a US Congressmen who engages in emotional blackmail over a kid's social media posts. You disgust me." https://x.com/JDVance/status/1887960225195638848

Gaslighting Nazi insists a "kid" be entitled to steal our social security numbers and cause global health crises.

Shouldn't double-dose, could be dangerous

Pictured: me showing up at the DOGE office to beat the doors off the 6 groyper child employees

it's time to put emojis on ouija boards this dead kid can't spell for shit

The way you can tell Democrats are good at online strategy is that everyone is stressed out talking about the news and a Democratic senator will make a post restating the thing everyone is stressed about like they’re informing you of it and then offer no solution

This also says that about ~35% of people who voted for Harris don’t like Democrats. Maybe shut up about purity tests because people very clearly held their nose and voted for her

Not sure how Trump keeps outfoxing the senate parliamentarian. That guy makes it really hard to do stuff

they should invent a second kind of campaign promise fulfilling, sweeping executive order that democrats can use

What we have instead of an opposition party is a copy of Robert's Rules of Order that has learned how to do GoFundMes and insider trading

Melania in her hat man get up

Took too much Benadryl before the inauguration and now I'm seeing the hat man

Learn to show more appreciation for the boys who never left town.