Phobia is

YouTube video by Jacqueline Clyde Skinny Love (Bon Iver Cover)

This is ancient but (old hair, old apt) but I found it and finally uploaded it

Yes I believe so, just hours of listening to people go off. Obv don't want to get into people's business but hypervigilance brain has me watching for the signs someone needs help or it's out of control

When you are stuck in a position of thing you can't intervene in but also you know there isn't help to call for because anything official is just gonna make this worse. Genuinely don't know what to do but oooooof anxiety.

tbh social media is best when you use it for 2 things:

1) making new friends/keeping in touch with old friends, gassing each other up and having fun making jokes

2) telling politicians & opinion writers who are Just Asking Questions to step into traffic

Sighing too heavily, stare going far past a thousand yards. Feel like my body blinks and breathes slowly because it's weighing the cost of every one of those actions. Like a statue holding itself together, finally releases all that stone into dust.

thank you 🧡

I think its been about a year since I tattooed anyone? idk the loss of feel for it freaked my brain out lol

Had a lil crisis last night when I went to finally practice tattooing after a while of not touching the machine. It was like picking it up for the first time again and I just felt so frustrated at myself for dropping it for so long. Wrote out some long term plans to stick to, not gonna pause again.

Second for me, just kinda had forgotten what she looked like. It's really just when she is at end of life she looks exactly the same

Ooooooooo did not expect the fact Maarva in Andor season one looks so much like my late grandmother to hit like that

🤞 for warmer weather soon

So badly need it to be warm again. I miss wandering and bouncing into someplace new so fucking much. Brain is in a weird spot lately where I don't feel like being around anyone but also direly miss a crowd. A house party, I always want a house party.

Fml comfort bar closed, always randomly closed on nights I could REALLY REALLY use existing in that space.

A big pile of post it note doodles I have drawn for Lilith that had been stuck on her old computer case

The post it's she had on the old computer case lol

I saw that thing going around again of the paintings nine years apart and just damn my heart aches for something like in my life. A comfy home you get to live in for years, someone to share that with and celebrate. Really can't get it out of my head lately.

Thing that sucks that you knew was gonna suck but even all the mental prep and thinking you are prepared can't stop it from stinging.

Gonna try to get back to turning any stupid thought into a comic. Helps keep that comics energy flowing that i need to find again.

Dog in pile of loved ones clothes. She misses them very much

tyyyy! you got this too!!

def try making one!

I somehow feel like the most unrealistic one on here is play a game of warhammer. I kept it at just one, but still lol.

I also both miss sparring so much but dont know how much I really want to get back into that. The forms and exercises are all I really need, its a nerdy excuse to stay moving tbh. Sparring was a lot of my life but its so hit or miss depending on community. So few spar to learn and it sucks.

Getting started on taking a class I think. Did a year of Iaido as a kid and never really forgot about how much I enjoyed it. Turns out there are classes in nyc. Its either that or get back into HEMA. While I love HEMA though I remember Iaido as more slow, calm, and meditative.

New years resolutions bingo

Think it's time to get back into community orgs, been so hesitant to enter that space until somewhere felt like my actual home.

Not sure what to do

Obv not every trans woman falls into that trap but I've def run into enough that do. If nothing else just a reminder we all come to transition through different means and that it does not automatically mean unlearning outdated gender norms.

Partner tells me a thing that rings so true to my trans experience. Cis lesbians see a butch trans woman and see a version of womanhood whereas some trans women see a butch trans woman and see a failed attempt at transness.