Bri

9 days ago I was let go from my job. I’m only saying let go because that’s how unemployment offices define it but I so clearly was fired for being disabled. I’m so angry and hurt and confused and all of my confidence has been taken from me. I’ve been a retail manager my entire life. Now what?

Kesimpta isn’t supposed to have a crap gap week but I for sure experience this and every month completely forget about it and feel like it’s a personal failure. It’s my lack of whole foods my lack of movement my lack of personal drive right?

People are getting into phen phen again but specially for MS fatigue. Im on so much speed already but now that my job fired me and I lost my free Pilates perks I might consider taking more if it’s a kill two burbs sitch. Fatigues and fats vs phen phen..I could consider that mess entirely the ring.

Not related..
Does anyone want to take an absurd amount of vintage china and crystal off our hands that for sure has no lead in it at all?

Life updates as of late:
-my baba comes home tomorrow
-we have sinks that drain finally
-I have still not done the dishes
-Sarah is now finding herself agreeing with me on what is some serious American shit vs what is acceptable in our Yugoslavian home
-do I have slow long term lead poisoning?

I keep forgetting this thing exists 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m trying to find what gym or studio to stop in soon because I have not moved my body intentionally in months and I’m going to lose it soon. Anyway..I just watched a video of a guy lifting 600lbs in crocs so it’s safe to say I might have found the spot.

“Do you speak Russian? You look Russian.”

I am so tired brah
I am so so tired
I am also a quarter Russian

I’m the level of petty where I deep dive google to find out how many seasons behind you are in a coat you’re bragging about wearing to nyfw when we can all tell you were at an affiliated event not nyfw itself. It’s for my own satisfaction. If anyone is wondering..I’m very satisfied with my findings.

50+ year old fig trees brought over from our village, Rakalj

Anyone need any herbs?

What used to be filled with rows and rows of growing fruits, vegetables, flowers and herbs when I was a kid

I just realized the dream of bringing our family garden back to life is an understatement & really what we’re talking about here is what tradwives call homesteading but what my family called farming. I have no idea how to begin this revival of our land but like fuck I hate how similar it is to them.

Dear Manager,

1. I drank a whiskey drink.
2. I drank a vodka drink.
3. I drank a lager drink.
4. I drank a cider drink.
5. I sang the songs that remind me of the good times; I sang the songs that remind me of the better times.

Those of us who work in gender medicine are not going anywhere What’s more, we’re expanding.

“We’re not going anywhere. What’s more: we’re expanding.”

Nearly a dozen of Minnesota’s foremost experts on gender-affirming care collaborated on this beautiful op-ed in today’s Strib. No paywall.

24 hours later and we have confirmation that there is no Ebola in NYC, did I believe it..yes because with everything going on why the fuck wouldn’t I?

It’s taking everything in me not to box dye my hair black. I’m not strong enough for this world.

“He talks like a child”
-my baba on trump

You know that feeling when you know you’ve absolutely nailed a gift you got someone?

I was talking to someone yesterday who also moved back to Brooklyn after not being back since growing up here and how we’re both noticing there’s a post gentrification community take back for sure happening and I really hope that it’s not just us seeing what we want to see and actually is happening

As someone who fucking loves being in airports & flying I can promise you I won’t be taking a plane anywhere for quite some time. What’s so annoying about that is that I got pto this year finally & I was super fucking excited to fly again. Of course when I’m able to afford it again I’m like nahhhh

As a late diagnosis #autistic I now understand why certain things make me want to hurl myself into traffic.

Example: the sound of wet chewing or sniffling is fucking disgusting, body fluids push me over the edge in the craziest way

What a weird fucking choice this holy bro made

It’s 16 months later
A million injections and treatments later
Physical therapy and speech therapy
So much water
So many hours of Pilates
So many notebooks and calendars to keep my head on straight
So many billions of hours crying
So much abandonment and loneliness
So many vitamins
It’s all so much.

She had so much kindness in her eyes and not once fucked up my wife’s pronouns. I’m so excited to see her in the I want to bring her coffee kind of way but I have no idea how she takes it and really hope she hugs me when she realizes it’s me and I’m walking and not blind and doing so well.

I’m getting my first physical post #multiplesclerosis diagnosis done this morning and I was able to have the resident who I was with during my first hospital stay become my pcp. She was who had to tell me my diagnosis and held my hand when I cried day after day while not being able to walk.

We moved back to Brooklyn to take on the most overwhelming and hard family shit so I feel bad about having any good things to say about this past week but there’s been a lot of really good moments in all of the messiness and that’s worth celebrating.

Canarsie is quite as fuck now it’s so weird o get that it’s not summer right now but still it’s an upstate spooky level of quiet

We will bring joy back into this home. We will bring gathering back. We will care for our older generation while fostering the next. Istria is home but so is Brooklyn where our 50 year old fig tree from our village was planted and has grown steadily year after year. We will bring the garden back.

This is the home where my baba and her brother shout fascist at the tv while watching the disgusting things he does on the news. This is the home where we talk about Mate Balota and how we keep his legacy alive. Where generations of proud socialists smoke, drink, laugh, eat and care for each other.

I think about how lucky I am to have a life partner like my wife who had zero hesitation and suggested this be what we do. Who knows that being the one who works remotely means most of the hands on help will have to be her. Who loves my baba like her own because she just genuinely does.

I think about this a lot though:
Are immigrant family eldest daughters different from super Americanized eldest daughters? Multigenerational homes are normal for us, it’s expected but also we desire it. I want to move back into the home I was a toddler in. I want to be with my baba.