willow

the fucked up thing is this happened the same day those two llamas escaped from the zoo and ran around. we were all having a fun llama time and then the dress obliterated the timeline

I am sure that it is fun for most, but for me "Slay the Spire now has multiplayer mode" is like "in addition to hot and cold, your sink now does poison"

BARTENDER: Willow? yeah, 5’11”, long hair, cute sun hat, blood type B+, lives at 500 dipshit ave, cat named greg, works at the burger joint, aunt died last month, master chief’s friend, possesses a dangerous relic, knows the speech pattern that will end the world, hazel eyes?

always thought it was silly in detective fiction when a guy just goes into a bar and asks about someone but the thing is you could actually nail my ass to the wall if you did that

parappa fucking died dude. parappa died three years ago. where have you been

hey everybody bad news. lin-manuel miranda went under the wheels of one of those big ass trucks they have in the canadian oil fields and died

(starting a roguelike deckbuilder run) a lot of people go drill but i’m a hammer fan. and obviously your next two are nails and 2x4

bands should pretty much have three albums and then a fourth one fifteen years later

someone at the LGS tells this guy he's gotta stop running dimir in commander cause it isnt fun for the table and then he pulls out mishra artificer prodigy. unsleeved

the bouncer

every time i hear about theme parks and how they are managed it feels like i'm communicating with another species. what do you mean, star wars land was set in a specific point in the timeline. a kid goes there and wants a picture with princess leia and is told sorry kid she's canonically dead

one of the simple pleasures in life is saying 'wow it looks like silent hill out there' when it's really foggy

special hat

tenchi masaki from tenchi muyo dressed in a grey schoolgirl uniform walks through a scifi scanner thingie

a computer screen showing his skeleton and a DNA strand, captioned dialog reads "everything looks okay"

the space cop or whatever says "but did you know your frame is very masculine?"

tenchi says "uh, i... have a father who's a man"

it's a pleasant surprise if you find a crossdressing character in a 90s anime and the joke being told is funny

matt berry as todd rivers as doctor sanchez

you and he were on ..... cohost, wrrn't you

there should've been a nirvanna the band the show the movie the popcorn bucket.

this is a problem with me for literally every roguelike. i will learn no lessons and die halfway through the first zone immediately after figuring out some insanely cool synergy

(starting a roguelike deckbuilder run) a lot of people go drill but i’m a hammer fan. and obviously your next two are nails and 2x4

this is a hell of a cat

sorry bud i gotta cancel today, all the stuff in joyce manor’s well whatever it was happened to me

(Beartato and Reginald, in a museum, gaze upon the Mona Lisa) BEARTATO: There it is. The Mona Lisa. The most famous painting in history. REGINALD: Wow! What's it do? BEARTATO: It... what? REGINALD: Why's it famous? What's it do? (Beartato thinks.) BEARTATO: I don't know. REGINALD (to nearly museum employee): Excuse me! Sir? What's it do? EMPLOYEE: You're the first person to ask! Watch this! (The employee yanks a pull-string. Mona Lisa's eyes spin around and her mouth opens like a puppet) MONA LISA: Honk honk! Honk honk! (Everyone is delighted. This is true art.)

True Art

Today I Will Look The Burrito Man In The Eye and other stories of manifesting success

worst regulars we have are this couple who come in and order one rare burger and one very well done burger. like what are you fuckin giving me a test? second worst probably the Long Man With Dark Eyes Who Only Speaks Truth

The plot of Alien has kinda happened to me in that I disagreed with a coworker about how to tackle a problem

gotta admit the penalty box is pretty funny. You Are In Time Out

timeline cleanse

getting really mad at a pro golfer for having a bad APM

if your legs are sore you can stand up and stretch

Groudon obviously on a beach with the text saying Find Groudon