Nadine J. Cohen

Me: If I sing Taylor Swift’s ‘All Too Well (10 minute version)’ in the shower, it takes the same exact time as washing my hair

My cousin: I can’t wait til my 40s

All the heterosexual men on Love Island are crying because another heterosexual man they’ve known for three weeks was evicted from their sex house, and it is beautiful

My petty gripe: why do fitness instructors lie about rep counts? Who hurt them? If a fitness instructor says eight reps to go, there should be one rep per count, not four. If they count down from three, it should be illegal to have a chat between two and one

@australia.theguardian.com asked me to be petty, so I rose (sank?) to the occasion

I do not watch reality TV. I am addicted to Love Island. Two things can be true

Are lawyers ok? I have to read one contract and I’ve fallen asleep three times. This is their JOB

Gratitude and blessings to the state government department employee who just told me via email that by "We're working on it now", her colleague in fact meant "We have no intention of ever working on it"

Most recently Bang and Olufsen

Renaming my breasts Matt Stone and Trey Parker

Going to watch my American bff become a citizen today and apparently I’m not allowed to introduce myself as his refugee advocate

A bus driver just pulled up to a stop, took one look at the waiting crowd, shook his head, and drove away. And, honestly, same.

Gonna tell my kids this was Coldplay

She died doing what she loved (trying to get into her MyGov account)

Sure, sex is good, but have you ever received the correct diagnosis?

"I couldn't help but wonder, were we there to watch Coldplay, or foreplay?"

There is too much schadenfreude to adequately enjoy each individual schadenfreude. Please, only one schadenfreude a day from now on

He's clearly not fucking the head of PR

I hope this turns into a Shania Twain story where the two wronged spouses find love together, and then Coldplay plays at their wedding

That’s gonna be one hell of an exit interview

A social experiment to see if dating, housing, or job apps are more depressing, except it's just being alive

“I don’t understand why he won’t just use emojis,” and other things I said to my therapist today

Nobody is hornier than your hairdresser

Your dating profile photo with George Calombaris isn’t the flex you think it is

Do situationships do birthday gifts? Asking for a friend (with benefits)

Disappointed to find that Materialists is Celine Song’s difficult second album

Father of modern anatomy, Andreas Vesalius, can get it

Being advised to stay indoors is my favourite being advised

Oh yay! So glad you liked it x

Book cover ‘Everyone and Everything’ by Nadine Cohen

Just read this entire book in an afternoon. Good one, @nadinejcohen.bsky.social

A cool girl stopped me on the street last night to tell me she “loves my vibe”, so now I have to wear these clothes forever

Everybody at that wedding is a scab