Ian Thompson

Irish whip in Ireland?

Does the first five minutes last for half an hour?

‘Trick or Treating’ was referred to as ‘Halloweening’ in my day and usually involved a badly carved turnip with a candle inside. ‘Penny for the guy’ was probably just as popular in mid 80s Northumberland when there was still dangerous neighbourhood bonfires.

All the lyrics to 'Rasputin' are funny but I love 'it was a shame how he carried on'. It sounds like something your gran would say about a disgraced quiz-show host.

There’s no way I’m paying to stay in hotel owned and operated by a small dog. Not even with fake money.

Shopping centre full of pumpkins, poppies and potential presents, as if someone has slammed the brakes on the calendar causing a three month pile up.

As you go to work today to start another week, it may help to remember that Skeletor was often thwarted by his own inept henchman too

Clearly a snake did this.

Blessed are the pissmakers.

Gets paid for allowing antiperspirant manufacturers R&D departments to run experiments on him.

Andrew is a sort of non-prince now, a… well, I’m sure there’s some sort of portmanteau word that would describe him well.

I want a Trio and I want one now.

Dark chocolate.

Plinth.

"Do you still get paid in Roubles Ted?"
🐢💨

The view from an ANTIFA landing craft June 6th 1944

They’d probably be using a straw man argument.

Anna Joaquín Skywalker.

Missing Jacob Murphy.

Was the fan eating a sandwich?

Don’t feed Joey after midnight?

I got hit with a rhythm stick at the office last week so I’ve hired a workplace Ian Dury lawyer.

And my dog just laughed at me. No more medals for him.

Thought I’d spend some time ranking Laurel and Hardy. Hopefully I’ve included your favourite.

1. Laurel
2. Hardy

Disappointing article. Was expecting something with Ted Rogers and Dusty Bin. :(

Tinker Tailor Major Spy #FawltyMiniSeries

I thought it was a tape measure he was wearing like a tailor.

Ben Killip coming on for Portsmouth for fellow goalkeeper Nicholas Schmid for Portsmouth in their EFL championship halve versus Southampton. They both have curly blond short hair and a thin beard.

The first time a Goalkeeper has ever been subbed off for themselves. #EFL #SOUPOR