Wonder Park

PSA: last nights “light show” was not planned and it technically was called an “explosion.” Nevertheless, we’re glad you enjoyed it, but there will not be a repeat performance tonight.

VIP Bathroom Passes are all SOLD OUT. Did not think that was going to be the most popular item…

The roving juggler has asked that you please stop trying to grab his balls.

Hush-Hush likes to hide in the bathroom stalls to make sure you wash your hands.

Wunder Park is SHAM!!!

You do want electric shocks on light bulbs, you don’t want electric shocks on toilet seats. I wish everyone would make up their minds!

Can y’all stop unscrewing and stealing our lightbulbs?! Why is this even a thing we need to discuss??

All Black Fridays deals next weekend:

• BOGO Season Tickets
• BOGO Deep Fried Mayo Cube Subscription
• BOGO VIP Bathroom Pass
• BOGO Hush-Hush Protection Spell

dammit Siri that wasn’t to post

hey google how to avoid osha safety inspection

We’ve told you this before. If you’re also going to be legal council for Hush-Hush you cannot be ours. It’s a conflict of interest.

ITS NOT FOR SALE, STOP ASKING

To the parents who left their child in the park overnight:
1. He’s fine
2. He ate a weeks supply of Deep Fried Mayo Cubs (we’ll bill you)
3. Was he always missing a finger?

Hush-Hush sighting in the tunnel that goes under the train tracks, take alternate routes.

barely

Uber has stopped picking up in front of the park because you people wouldn’t stop throwing up in the back seats on your way home. Hope you’re proud of yourselves.

And ruin all the fun???

Rain won’t stop our rollercoasters from running.

(No really, they won’t stop, the rain screws up the brakes)

Sponsorship?! We wish! We just know dudes with monster tattoos have a history with carnival ride operations and we want only the most experienced at our park!

You legally cannot operate one of our rides unless you have a monster energy drink tattoo. We don’t make the rules.

Volunteers needed to “Push” the carousel in circles the rest of the day. New motor parts won’t be in till tomorrow. We pay in Deep Fried Mayo Cubes.

Hush-Hush for Manager of Dreams

Our lawyer wants us to make clear that this post is in no way an admission of fault. It’s freakin’ Jonothons fault and he’s been perma-banned!

Christmas Tree going up today. Let’s not have a repeat of last year’s incident. We’re still paying that settlement.

Now taking applications for new acts for the freak show. Please keep it PG-13.

You can exchange teeth for coins at the prize counter

Great news! The arcade has been upgraded and now accepts coins. We will no longer accept teeth.

We had a lot of candy left over so we gave it to the raccoons. Now they’ve taken over the carousel. We recommend avoiding that one today.