Wonder Park

Yes our buffet is things left over from yesterday. We know you don’t care, if you did you wouldn’t have chosen wonder park as your vacation destination.

To the guest who taught the animatronic bear to vape: Please report to Guest Services. We want to hire you.

Our guest feedback terminal has been relocated. We welcome your feedback…if you can find it.

We have temporarily renamed the roller coaster “NOPE.” This will remain until we locate the missing turn. Until then, ride at your own risk.

And possibly the Netflix and Chill theatre.

New idea: Wonder After Dark, adults only hours….🤔

We apologize if your cotton candy formed into a sexually explicit symbol. That’s not supposed to happen anymore.

Ugh, where is everyone? I know it’s a Monday and people work but this place is dead today. Y’all are boring!

That’s fine. Just keep it muffled.

Muffled.

Our haunted house is back to “mildly possessed” levels. Please use the buddy system.

Ride update: The Tilt-A-Whirl is now the Whirl-A-Tilt. It did that by itself. We’re looking into it.

Looking to upgrade our petting zoo from animatronic to live. @greenevillezoo.bsky.social do you have any extra animals we can borrow? New, used, whatever. We’re not picky.

Any safe words we should know?

You want the gas before or after the corn dog? Personally the corn dogs taste 10x better after the gas.

Hey hey hey, we didn’t get rid of it, it’s on back order.

Lucky. We can never seem to cause an interdimensional breach no matter how hard we try.

• Hiding behind a clipboard and nodding professionally
• Asking if anyone’s seen Gary
• Offering a complimentary tour of the bottomless ball pit
• Singing the Wonder Park anthem off-key until people leave

All our employees have been trained in de-escalation protocol.

• Offering complimentary vague reassurance
• Distracting with a harmonica solo (crowd favorite)
• Releasing the park’s emotional support fog

Hey you! Yeah you! Get off Bluesky and pay attention, the line is moving and the people behind you are annoyed.

I mean they can keep the gum they collect, we’re not monsters.

NEW PROMO! While waiting in line, the person who collects the most gum stuck to the railings, gets free admission next visit!

Meh. Sounds like socialism!

Y’all need to chill a little in the bounce house. You’re bouncing faster than my employees can blow.

Quite the mouthful. Just like our pickles will be!

Will offer things like:
• Pickle Jerkey
• Brine Shots
• Pickle Gummies
• Brine Me Daddy T-Shirts
• Pickle Plushies
• Pickle Soap-on-a-Rope
• Pickle Scented Candles

Open to more suggestions…

Looking for opinions on what to name our new pickle shop. It will sell everything pickle related.

• Ye Olde Moist Pickle
• Dill With It
• The Naughty Brin
• Ferment to Be
• Vlasic Vices

We’d ask him but he seems pretty hush hush about it.

We’re looking into it. Our insurance apparently doesn’t cover poltergeist mascots…