Helen Kingston

Don't buy me lingerie, buy me a boulangerie

My friend told me that moving city doesn't change your problems but what if I move to Paris and they become problèmes

Still amazed by the discovery that when you swing a lantern in ancient caves the cave paintings appear to move and come to life because of lines carefully scribbled over the images. Us humans have been making movies for THIRTY THOUSAND YEARS.

Behind every great writer is a primary school English teacher who once gave their poem about Autumn a smiley face sticker

Saying you don’t want politics in the arts is like saying you don’t want water in the ocean.

I hope this email finds you and in the darkness binds you

Just punched my neighbour because I was concerned he might one day punch me.

critical thinking girl summer

Horse tranquilliser playing an unexpectedly pivotal role in world politics

Just saw a recipe developer on instagram say her favourite carb is a crouton, possibly the most depressing sentence I’ve ever heard. Is it legal to fedex someone a lasagna?

For my hen do I’m gonna have a conclave.

I wish I could tell every little girl that what matters is WHAT YOU DO, not how you look when you're doing it.

Basically if an awkward silence arises a British person will invite you to meet the King

Smiling for the train station cctv in case we die

Forget heroin, try printing off something you've written and giving it a little staple in the corner and sitting down to read it with a cup of tea. TRULY THERE IS NO BETTER FEELING.

Project fear was optimistic. Brexit has done for the British economy what myxomatosis did for rabbits.

Just a reminder that we used to be mud creatures crawling around in the sea and now we're up here, figure skating at the olympics and making macaroni cheese

I love Netflix I really do. HOWEVER going to a Blockbuster on a Friday night with friends to pick out a couple of DVDs for a sleepover was the best feeling in the entire world and has never been surpassed

Why do we not have gyms crossed with cinemas? Can you imagine how fit we would all get

I will never cease to be amazed by skin letting sweat through but keeping rain out

Donald Trump shrinking the government as small as possible to make his hands look bigger.

My hobbies include tennis, roller skating and putting Jordan Peterson books behind other books in bookstores.

If anyone wrote a villain putting baby mice in a blender every morning to feed his pet hawk, the studio notes would come back saying too much, what is wrong with you

Why is it I have my best ideas whilst in the middle of a shower or driving along the M4, both places where writing anything down is impossible/illegal

Like I'm excited to read Onyx Storm but don't make me say it out loud

I hear ya. Same thing happens with screenwriting when you think you've invented a genius fictional company name and legal inform you it's already a waste processing factory in Slough.

EXCUSE ME. (They lured me out with iceberg lettuce)

I love fantasy books so much but why is everyone called a name that cannot be spoken aloud. If she has to fall in love does it have to be with Dragon Wing Captain Lieutenant Xerserian Pzycshnitzervloom???

I HAVE LOST THE GANG, WHERE IS THE GANG