donni saphire

Get in losers, we’re going to the losing store to buy more loss

microdosing my childhood by watching the united states start a war in the middle east

Ah so you have an open door policy… I’m not sure my 3 year old can handle that amount of freedom lol

We are almost there and my question is… do they wake up having to pee at night? Potty in room maybe? The future is uncertain

I don’t know, man, I’m just trying to vibe and eat a nutritious variety of vegetables

Sup chat this is Slouching Towards Bethlehem with your boy The Rough Beast, and it looks like today’s stream could be a big one, as some of you might’ve already seen there are rumors going around social media that the hour has come round at last, so we’re gonna get right into it

Shaking my head in stern disapproval at the heinous evildoers. Hoping it does the trick

in 25 years every food will be some gummy that tastes like dirt. and you will be required to kiss the computer once a day

The stubborn refusal to go to bed when you’re exhausted and have nothing else to do should be monetized

What Would Dinner Eat

*my body suddenly crumbles into dust*
Dang! I was using that

Time for my dreams to turn my fears into weird short films

Top ten surfaces to squirm on

We live in hell but do our best

my foes are rolling me up in a big buttery pancake to teach me a lesson but i just get really sleepy

Using my potent sensuality for good. At first. Then for evil

cats are so right because when there’s a loud noise it is in fact time to scatter

What if a lovable kitten gave a speech instead? We’d all be watching that with a delighted smile

if i ever have to land a plane, i’m gonna try to ‘set her down easy’ - that’s a promise

Discovering an awesome new band actually makes me angry now. Like bro I do NOT have time for this, but fine

Why do I have to pretend that I'm going to print something in order to save it as a PDF. Why do I have to engage in a little ruse.

Due to everything, I will not be doing anything at this time

you don't have to be hamburger to work here but it helper!!

Grimly determined to be hopeful simply to enrage the haters

Know why I pulled you over?

"No sir"

1987, 7-11 on Main, you paid for Coke but filled your cup with Slurpee. We gotcha. We finally gotcha

What do you mean it’s very cold again? That’s extremely fake and wrong

[muffled to dental hygienist, blood dripping down my chin]

yeah I hear corduroy is having a moment

Things are increasingly more so now than they used to be, due to reasons

thinking about the guy at the pharmacy last week who marched up to the register and said “i see your selection of combs is less robust than it was on my last visit here”

Imagining a delicious new sauce and getting pissed off it doesn’t exist yet