Mary Heavens

Haha. Love this

Happy [not forcing your autistic child to dress up for] World [cunting] Book Day! 🎉

Jazz.

#IainStrong 🙏🏼

They’re trying to sell Sun-In to Gen Z, only now it’s called Suntouched, and they’re making out like it’s some innovative advance in hair lightening. I’ve got your number, Suntouched.

It’s wild, isn’t it.

Like most middle aged white men I have been cancelled. There is literally no outlet for me to speak my truth. Hear me talk about it on this podcast.

Xx

I may be paraphrasing here but Guinness won the harp design copyright over Ireland. Passport harps are now back-to-front. Sláinte, Guinness.

Niice! I’m planning on winning the lotto tonight fyi

Yes, I went down an AG rabbit hole after the Actor Awards and omg, what a dude. I loved him then and I love him now.

Boat drinks. ✋🏼

Andy Garcia being so completely devastating in his red robe and hairy chest I don’t give a shit what film he’s in

Straight men: gOdfAtheR III is RubBisH

Good morning.

Powerful men whose defence is: “It was the culture”. That’s even worse. You made it the culture, you influenced.

Twin Peaks logo, but it says TWON POOKS

Crabtree out of Allo Allo

Oh yes, that’ll do it. You should see the speed at which they come and repair any playground hazards, they’re terrified.

Or, if you hit a pothole and go over the handlebars of your bike, it’s filled in that afternoon. But then that’s what Google Earth is for when you’re gathering evidence.

You can tell them the lid’s coming off, or you’ve got someone else’s by mistake, and they come along and sort it all out for you, and I think this is possibly the most grown-up thing I’ve ever done.

My boyfriend used to set the volume on our TV and radio to odd numbers like 23. He didn't think there was anything wrong with this, so I dumped him. Plus, he had a tiny cock.

Reporting the state of our wheelie bins to the council, livin’ on the edge, as per 🤘🏼

Keir Starmer, professional rake stepper.

London school wars? They’re just imitating the grown-ups, innit.

Narrator: He won’t

Humans are so fucking stupid.

US-Israeli strike on girls' school kills at least 85 students, Iran's judiciary says At least 85 students have been killed in US-Israeli strikes that hit an Iranian girls' school in Hormozgan province, Iran's judiciary said on Saturday. Washington has not commented on the reported str...

We killed 85 schoolgirls. We are not the good guys.

Those values are "colonialism and Islamophobia"

I don’t trust men with little teeth.

They’ve not really thought this through, have they. You either know and love Punch, in which case you’re empathetic (not exactly a Reform characteristic), or, God forbid you don’t know Punch, in which case the optics are extremely ill-advised. 😬

Laila Cuntingham’s tweet: Reform will make homeownership, in London, affordable again, with an image of Punch the monkey in an eerily empty looking London

Vote Reform and you too can have… 28 Days Later?

It takes violence to uphold the patriarchy…