Lily Smith

Five carved pumpkins

The pumpkins are having their last outing.

Ahead of his time.

I do not approve of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it, on the assumption that a mob with pitchforks knows where you live and will take the matter out of my hands.

Plus ca change...

Mum just 'as iffed' Sinbad & the Eye of the Tiger.

Mum is watching an episode of Taggart that's so old it has Taggart in it.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and wonder why my cuffs are stained.

A lot of lads round here wander about in the sunshine with hoods up and balaclavas on, and it always reminds me of Pike in Dad's Army. I know what they're aiming for, but they look like they've got overprotective mothers worrying they'll catch a chill.

"What words do you live by?"

Bloody hell, have you got nothing else to do?

Is The Troggs' I Can't Control Myself the only song with slacks in the lyrics?

Elon Musk never got humiliated on a Golden Ticket tour of a Chocolate Factory, and it shows.

I'd sponsor her.

I left the house this morning muttering that I might not go back. Now I'm sat in the cafe at M&S, sad that I couldn't think of anywhere else to go.

Ooh, I love it when "explain how the thermostat works three times a day" season arrives!

Like, if the government didn't have to pay for accommodation for refugees, they'd pay his deposit? Or she thinks he'd be better off living in the Warrington Holiday Inn than wherever he's renting? No-one's stopping him.

I was watching a hotel protest on the news, and when they interviewed one woman about what her objection was, she said, "My son's trying to get on the property ladder, and he can't, and they're prioritising these people," and I can't make the connection.

I'm starting the "Legalise Throwing Milkshakes at Nigel Farage Party". Obviously I only have one policy, but that hasn't stopped anyone before.

Oh, Angela, nooooooo

Mum thought it was Stalin.

eBay listing for a Toby jug of TV chef Brian Turner.

How could anyone bear to part with their Brian Turner Toby jug?

I'm a bit more Ren every day.

Article from The Girl's Own Paper 1938, "It's Fun to be Fat".

D'you want to go halves?

There's a chicken foot in the road, which is odd enough, but it's really big. Like, Chicken Boo big.

Georgian flag - red cross on a white field with four smaller crosses.

Getting a job lot of these to flog down the market.

Anyway, more importantly, in Alien Earth why is one of the kids called Smee?

I object to the flags on the grounds that they're cheap nylon imports. No-one is supporting our Great British flag manufacturers.

Look, I have tried being a grown-up, it just didn't work out for me.

Slim plotline

Just watching a charity shop manager on the news complaining about having to sort through people's rubbish... I was a charity shop manager, so BOO HOO, THAT'S YOUR JOB. FS.