Your Old Pal

Apparently, the closer you get to the playoffs, the less moving screens are illegal.

When you're actually IN the playoffs, moving screens are legit never ever ever called.

Talking to you, #WNBA.

Wow. Charlie Kirk's killer seems to be a straight, white, 20-something, male, with easy access to guns.

Who could have possibly predicted?

Oh...everyone.

Even the ISS uses the Panama Canal.

Legit where the Axe of The Dwarvish Lords is hidden.

MAGA: whhahahhhaaaaaaaa! Cracker Barrel! Whaaahhaaaaaaaa! Woke! Whaaahhaaaa! Cancel! Woke woke woke! Waaahahahahha!

Also MAGA: You libturds cancel everything!

Everyone else: Cracker Barrel is fucking awful. Who gives a shit about the logo...stop selling shit food wrapped in old timey bullshit.

It's so strange...in all the YA dystopian futures, America is run by a ruthlessly clever, evil genius.

But in our current, real world dystopia, America is run by a cartoonishly stupid, fat, orange, pedophile Boss Hog.

Any author who tried to write this story would have been laughed into obscurity.

I bet you're regretting the last two years of weak attempts to appease this psychopathic muskmelon, amirite?

@mcuban.bsky.social could singlehandedly fund CPB for eternity. He and Bill Gates could shove their couch change into an endowment that spewed out a billion annually, without blinking.

It's almost like he's a complete and utter child, mentally incapable of ANYTHING, that for a normal leader, at any level, would be considered simple table stakes.

She should show everyone her Google Maps timeline from January 6th, 2021.

Optical illusions are like being Punked by physics and biology.

And this...after all the normalization of the psychopath NPR committed to in the last year.

It's almost like selling your souls to the world's most worthless human doesn't pay off in the end.

Simple, basic, obvious questions that need answers are "Evil."

I'd like to recommend that every last person that's EVR questioned by law enforcement about ANYTHING simply reply that that's an evil question that only losers would ask.

NARRATOR: It did, but laws are for losers.

His diaper volume increased 300% at that moment...and he had to recalibrate his insanely stupid posture to compensate.

Just ask any indigenous population anywhere on earth how their last 1000 years have gone.

NARRATOR: They weren't ashamed. They weren't even concerned.

Literal Jesus fucking Christ.

At what point do you just turn the radio up as loud as it will go and lay on the horn, non-stop.

The S in SCOTUS now stands for Stupid.

We're ruled by the grossest among us.

What are the rules about murdering puppies?

Asking for a friend.

Oh, this terrible shit I voted for is about to affect me?!?

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Better blame the Dems.

My empathy bucket for "pro-Trump Vets" is absolutely zero point zero percent full.

Sorry, not sorry.

Your daily reminder that when #police come to your door, you should call the police.

Muricah.

I'd literally fight for my life and probably be killed or permanently handicapped...so they may as well just execute me on the sidewalk (which is probably their preference, anyway).

Just imagine how that fuckwit treats whatever family he has, when he knows no one is watching

Didn't that dude date rape his wife or some crazy shit?

My favorite kind of protest!

Get the brownshirts to gather en masse and then simply don't show up there.

Chef's kiss!

He was also supposed to weigh 225 pounds.