mole brawl

NO WAY!! Just found this rare magazine at the back of my local record store. It even came with the two exclusive posters!!!

(Mini Minerva project for my birthday! Inspiried by alt magazines like “Kerrang” and featuring some jewelry made by me!)

And if I decide I don’t like drawing this new thing I’m trying I don’t Have To. Chill out have fun oh my god

I’m 26 I’m not gonna get in trouble for drawing nsfw. Lightning bolt will not smite me. Be calm

I miss her so much

I finally moved Zoomer’s favorite pouch to be next to her urn after not being able to look at it for 7 months so she can sleep in it when she visits and it took all of my strength for the week to not have a breakdown

🌅

Also every single day of my life I regret not buying the insane asylum sign in my header pic it was $60 though

2022 I CANT READ!

Dug up 2019 urban zoology class notes and they’re very funny actually

Bath. Apple. iPad. Yaoi guys getting tortured. For once I do not want to die on a Sunday night

I go to my notes app now thank you captive audience. Dismissed

It was easier to think of myself as an animal because if I’m a bad animal it would make sense for people to hurt me (?????) do not be alarmed we are Working on IT!!!

It’s a lot better than it was which was just ignoring that I had a body but it’s a mess still it’s a messssss… I think a moment when I realized it was kind of out of control was when my therapist told me to look at myself when I was a kid and asked if I recognized myself in her and I was like ?no

My confidence is very… err idk how to put it like. I like how I look because it’s cute and looks like my fursona. Like how I draw my fursona. I am confident until anyone asks me to go into specifics then I’m like. Uh. I uhhh. Look like a cute animal girl!????

Turns out being dehumanized as a child… dehumanizes you…!

I thought my self esteem was pretty good until I started therapy and she asked me if I recognize myself as a person or something on the same standing as a person and I went “lol no???” And she was like ummm!

Perhaps the Emil deserves to live like a person all the time instead of an animal (bad) it’s more like animal person (good)

Took a full bath with bubbles and fancy things I’d been saving (hoarding) and ate an apple while watching iPad in the bath and like I think my therapist is on to something

The Emil is stuck in a very loud room helppp help meeee heeeelp

Ouuggghhhh

Update I ate 3 really good apples

Therapist pointed that out and I was like ohhhhh that’s not good is it… and she was like well………😬

Where did my post go!

I don’t think I became fully conscious and not dissociating 24/7 until community college/like 2019 like yeah that’s the Emil… Emil was formed..

However what I don’t like is my memories of college are already starting to get a little fuzzy. Stop that Now. Now right now

I started taking it bc of college and I think I just powered thru it bc it was either draw or drop out and I was like Hell no

I didn’t know Lexapro was making me into a husk until rn bc I can draw and cry again

I think I’ve drawn every day for a week now it’s seriously been actual years since this happened everyone clap

My previous desk broke in the move and I just haven’t been able to get a new one yet (no room+money) I’m so tired of only being able to to art on my bedddd

I miss my watercolors soo much I want a desk so badddd