Susie

I've been away from the office for two weeks and the lady who wears the same outfit every day is wearing new clothes, offering to the keen eye visual cues time has passed

The White Lotus Season 4: Le Lotus Bleu!

Rod Stewart's doppelganger spotted fixing road leaving viewers in stitches

One time in 2022 I bought the Unif Ice jacket from Joanna Kuchta on Depop and I found her Covid mask in the pocket and then I wore the Covid mask

I get that it's fun to imagine what a dog would say if it suddenly had your life, but I actually think the answer is most likely "bark bark"

I hate it when food -and drink products advertise their instructions to "shake" before use as a fun experience included in the price. I derive no joy from shaking your product.

I hate when Indiana Jones goes "why's it always gotta be snakes?" That's not my experience at all

Ever wondered what was so "strange" about the narrator of "People are Strange?" Well.. this is him

It really rocks how the Long Goodbye theme song goes "it's the Long Goodbye"

Uber ratings should be relative to your location. There's no way I'm riding through Manchester without an attitude

If "girl tames wild horse" narratives are allegories for baby's bad boy boyfriend then "girl and her fickle shetland pony" narratives are the horse girl equivalent of dating guys in comedy

Europe and the US got all the good acronyms for airport codes. Go to Canada and it's like "XYZ" for Toronto-Pearson or "ቕኄሧ" for Winnipeg International

Running into the dog I used to dogsit on Borrow My Doggy, hushed voices from my friends "Isn't that Dexter?" And I just go "Keep walking" like he's my ex

The Gilligan's Island theme got on my Spotify Wrapped

HANNIBAL: You seem adrift, Detective. Bobbing up and down on the heavy seas of fickle fortune.
COLUMBO: Well, this case, Doc, I gotta tell ya, it’s a tough one to crack.
HANNIBAL: Have you tried using your mind palace?
COLUMBO: Oh, I could never afford one of those, sir. Not on a policeman’s salary

Good night all & farewell Jim Abrahams

Why would you make a handbag of this

History is really about putting things in past tense. Past tense is the tense of history, babes

Seating chart for prom where the theme is plane

"Mentally I'm here [picture of rat in cowboy hat on a beach]" Okay, how about mentally you try to be where Madeline McCann is? That's the only way we'll find her

Tapping into the genealogy of how the Bad Sisters became so bad

I have good ideas for Winx Club stand up comedy. Someone shift me into the Winx Club universe so I can do my bit about giving Trix the death penalty. Send me to Alfea BrewDog open mic night. I'd kill it.

FRASIER: “The orcs raise their axes high and demand blood.”
NILES: “… I tell them I’m not here.”

FRASIER: “I’m sorry?”

NILES: “I argue that, philosophically, they cannot trust their own senses about me.“

FRASIER: “It’s a bit bold to place Descartes before the orcs, Niles.”

KLM pilots be like "I'm Captain Tip Top and with me is my co-pilot Adrianus"

Cigarettes for dogs

When I bought a ticket to the American Banjo Museum the front desk lady asked me if I play the banjo and when I said no she kinda shied away and went "oh, then this might not be for you."

Niles Crane perplexed by the word "bussy" as he corrects the grammar on bathroom stall graffiti

just got back from my shift at the dick sucking factory and nobody knew you there. no one has even heard of you. they say the house you live in has been abandoned for decades. so i looked you up online and — bro, i found your obituary. it says you died in 1963 bro

They need to turn the darkened Shari's octagons into UFC fighting rings