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Review: HEXplore It: Fun-Like Experiences and Shadows in the Cave A few days ago, a board game gave me a peculiar sensation. It's something I get from Jackbox games, the later Marvel films, or the midway of a sad carnival: the horrible feeling that this is a **fun-like experience**. It feels like I _should_  be having fun here, so I _must_  be having fun... but it _isn't_ fun. It's just fun-like. I'm only vaguely aware of the youtuber Mr. Beast, but his face is the face of this emotion; a manic grin with dead eyes. The synthetic echo of joy, with something malignant and inhuman just under the surface. The board game was _HEXplore It: The Forests of Adrimon. _At friend's request, we played it for five miserable hours. And now, you're going to hear about it. > _HEXplore It®_ is a cooperative hero building adventure board game toolkit. > Enter a realm teeming with fantasy creatures, heroes, and villains. > Players select their hero by combining several character options: Role, Race, Aspect and Trait. Your Role is your hero's profession while your Race is your heritage and species. Aspects and Traits are optional and are found in our Hero Chest and Expansions. > These combinations drive your hero's strengths, weaknesses, and defines your unique special abilities. Discover fun synergies and enjoy creating entirely different combinations. > > -The HEXplore It store. ## The Simplification Trap So you want a game that feels like X but without Y. OSR games are a perfect example. You want a game that feels like old-school D&D], but without [OD&D's editorial gaps / AD&D's overly complex, verbose, or badly edited systems / this game's design flaw] etc. Sometimes, that means your game is _OD &D With One Thing I Hate Fixed, _or _B/X With Better Layout_. Sometimes, it's the [_GLOG_. And that's all fine. Even if you disagree with Y, someone (even if it's just the author) says that it produces X. And some tradeoffs are worth it. You want a food that feels like [fresh pasta] but is shelf-stable and requires minimal preparation? [Dried pasta] isn't quite as good but the tradeoff may be worth the convenience. _HEXplore It_ apparently wants to create an experience that feels like [4E/5E style character creation, levelling up, an exploration hex crawl, tactical combat, and a save-the-world quest] but without [the complexity, time commitment, and a GM]. D&D without all that tedious mucking about doing D&D. It fails. To be clear, there are some board games that perfectly replicate the experience of playing a large, fiddly, complex board game. No substitute is required; the game does what it says it does. It produces the intended sensation. This isn't a post complaining about complex board games. It's a post complaining about a game that sets out to do X but without Y, and fails spectacularly. ### --- Boardgamegeek ## Character Creation Character creation consists of a basic race + class  + trait combo. As most of the players were new, and to speed up the process, these were assigned randomly. Races and Classes, from the basic view, feel like 5E inspired. The 5E Druid is split into a Thorn Whipping Damage-Dealer Class and a Wilderness Explorer + Group Buff class. Pre-built builds, pre-defined powers. Nothing new or particularly exciting. Traits provided a rare direct incentive. Every time you do X, tick up a track. Every time the track fills, mark a rank, and maybe do something else. Stats and Skills are pre-set, adjusted slightly by Race. And that's it. The result isn't really a character. There's no life. Just the semblance of life. A shell of an RPG character. Not quite an arbitrary token, but not alive either. A shadow. As far as satisfying players, it fails on the Synergistic Optimization front (as there are very limited options), the Build Your Unique Original Character front (as the characters are flat, meaningless, background-less, detached from reality, and on dry erase boards), and the OSR Quick Heroism front (as generating a character is surprisingly tedious, despite involving almost no randomness). It is the worst of all possible worlds. The pre-generated heroes from _Heroquest _or _Mansions of Madness_ do a better job of providing players with hooks for non-mechanical choices and conversation. Frequent stat upgrades means constantly redoing the math on your sheet. It's not complicated, it's just tedious, and the limited powers are still complex. The whole game is full of text, keywords, conditional statements, and lots of choices that aren't really choices. Once you understand the mechanics, you realize there are basically four options in any combat, and on any given round one of them will be obviously optimal. It's rock paper scissor, where scissors ticks down an Energy pool. --- __ ## GM-Less? _HEXploreIt_ is allegedly Game Master-less. Everyone can play a character; all the usual GM actions are performed by dice rolls, decks of cards, and lookup tables. Yet, in practice, unless your group is very good at memorizing, the group rolls dice and calls out the results. After the first few exploration attempts, we were able to speed up this process, but it took two hours to approach anything like quick resolution of even basic game mechanics, as these rolls are interrupted by other game activities and subsystems. There are quick reference cards for some actions / functions but a) they look identical from a distance, b) they're dense as heck, and c) there's only one per table, meaning it's constantly getting passed around, put under other reference cards, etc. And they never seemed to have all the information you wanted on them. There's only one copy of the rulebook. At one point, all the players were on their phones looking at the wiki. The D&D-like-experience-but-less-complicated game has a _wiki!_ You also need one player to manage the Battle Mat, which tracks enemy Health, Energy, and Special Abilities, group resources, the overall game doomsday clock (which can move up or down), etc, etc. I mean, look at it! This player will probably also do the rolls for the random monster attacks and abilities. They probably understand the rules. That person is, effectively, a GM. A GM without power, without rulings, without control, merely a blind agent of uncaring rules. Aware of the suffering around the table but unable to do anything about it. All the tedious tracking of a GM's role (while also running a character), but without the incentives or the joy. Also, since both the effect and target of monster attacks are randomized, there are no real tactics beyond resource management. A player can choose to Defend on their turn, but that only affects their incoming damage, not the group's (or so it seems). You can't really tank or position or block or hide or do anything that makes D&D combat genuinely _interesting_. In our group, the person who wanted to play the game and the person who was managing the tracking sheet were getting snippy with each other, and with the rest of the table, bringing a "disgruntled teacher at the end of a long day" energy by the end of the night. "_No_ , on a critical success on Explore you get 2 gold _and  _a chance to roll for a Essence Vine. Or is it an Infused Seed? No, not the purple die, the blue one. Where's it gone? Here it is. A six? Ok, you can spend 1 Energy or 1 Health to roll again or..." That's the vibe of this game. Management of resources that are intended to feel like something (Food, Health, Energy, Gold,... Vines, Seeds, Hearts of the Forest, Healing Consumable Items, etc.) but, at the of the day, are just numbers on a dry erase board. They go up, they go down, they don't matter. Nobody _cares_. None of these characters are _real_. They're just dry erase smudges moving around a randomly generated forest, fighting randomly generated enemies, in pursuit of four randomly generated artifacts, which are in three randomly generated pieces in randomly generated locations, and which can be used to defeat a prewritten Big Evil Boss. _Clue_  doesn't feel like a real murder mystery and this doesn't feel like real exploration. ## Simpler? The basic rulebook is thicker and denser than OD&D, by a considerable margin. That's not counting all the rules on the cards, the bosses, etc. If you stripped it all out, I think it'd be at least a 5E PHB sized book. --- Coopgestalt The healer ("Floromancer") was run by a person who'd played the game before, and is otherwise reasonably intelligent. They made several brave attempts to understand their Healing Ray power. What, for example, do the 3/6/9/12 above the grid to the right of the power mean? Let's break it down. Keywords are in blue. Definitions (added by me) are blue and in brackets. > You may use this Mastery during the Movement phase to harness the sun's power. Raise [heal, but if overhealed, grant temp HP/Energy for the turn] each hero's Health or Energy (your choice) by 3 for this Game Turn. In combat,**Healing Ray** creates 2 plus one third **Molecular Barrier** rank motes that last until they are consumed or combat ends. Anytime a target suffers Health damage, you may choose to consume one or more motes to Heal that target's Health equal to half Healing Ray rank (minimum of 1). At rank 7, you may also use **Arrow of Light** this round. Actually, let's not break it down, lest this author break down. Any game designer who writes "**Healing Ray** creates 2 plus one third **Molecular Barrier** rank motes" and says "yup, that looks good" needs to be force-fed back issues of _Pyramid_ (the GURPS magazine) until they burst. Sure, dividing by 3 (and round down) is easy, but in _HEXplore It_ you're constantly adjusting your numbers for one reason or another. Oh, and the player drew a Race that set their starting Healing Ray value to 0, which meant they couldn't use it at all at first, which just felt bizarre. And what is a 'molecule' to a floral forest druid? The point of your board game is to make a less complicated version of D&D, and you invented _this_? THIS is what you've handed a player at a BOARD GAME NIGHT?! A player who may have enjoyed INTOXICATING BEVERAGES and GREASY SNACK FOODS?!? A player who may have worked a full day before arriving to a PURPORTED EVENING OF FUN AND MERRIMENT WITH FRIENDS?!! If you have played this game and enjoyed even a tiny part of it, you are living in Plato's cave. **You can run an RPG!** It does what you want! You're sucking gravy from the tablecloth while the whole feast is laid out in front of you! Just do it! Or, if you liked the procedural exploration, resource management , and limited combat options, there are video games! JRPGs solve this decades ago! ## Evocative? The art and flavour text, where present, feels very sanitized and corporate. There's no real danger or real mythology here. It's polished, accessible, and fit for purpose; the stylistic equivalent of Landlord Greige. Hasbro-compatible worldbuilding. The game doesn't challenge the reader, adopt a position, reveal a worldview, or simulate reality. The world exists to enable the game mechanics. It exists only when the heroes interact with it. The flavour in the rulebook largely comes from keywords. The lack of evocative writing and the abundance of clear but bland art serves only to stifle and flatten the imagination, like an animated digital battlemap. The power of the human mind swamped by vulgar visibility and clarity. Most of the game was spent staring at the utility side of the character sheet. You didn't dare flip it over to look at the illustration because of the dry erase writing. The hex board is just a vague suggestion of forests, mountains, and roads to nowhere. I don't think the normal monster cards had art; if they did, we were too busy grappling with the mechanics to see them. Several aspects of the game are clearly utility-focused. Sometimes, they're genuinely good. They have to be; the game is so complex that anything less than ideal information design would result in total collapse. The designers had to make it clear or the game simply wouldn't function. But this is the clarity of overengineering, not of streamlining. This is six colour-coded dials that you have to monitor instead of one automatic switch. The world is tile based. It feels as real as the island in _Settlers of Catan_. Without photographs, there's no way to put away the game and restart it later. It's not a setting. It's just some tiles. ## Challenging? The difficulty of the game can be adjusted. Winning too easily? Make the game harder by increasing some of the numbers! Granular difficulty, of course, means alternate and verbose rules. How do you know if the game is too easy, or if you're just managing resources well? Is it apparent after ten miserable hours? Twenty? The clear visibility of the difficulty rating reveals that any perceived system mastery is hollow. Any victories feel even thinner and less meaningful because the "Easy Mode" dial is visible. There's no GM to tweak combat, invent houserules, or provide non-combat / resource management challenges. Even AD&D tournament modules had more going on than this game. After 5 hours, we'd largely grasped the nature of the game. The mechanics switched from confusing to boring. Once the mystery was revealed, optimal strategies began to form. The two powers granted to each characters were revealed as shallow. This can absolutely happen in an RPG, but the reality of the imagined world keeps things fresh. Random encounters are worst kind: resources depletion. You fight a Giant Fox. It feels exactly like fighting a Giant Statue or an Mind-Wiped Horde or whatever else. Just moving resources around. All the stupidity of 5E's prewritten random encounters, none of the opportunities for joy. ## Moments of Joy? _Candy Land _is what I'd call a minimum viable board game. It's a board with a track. Players take turns drawing a card with a colour on it and advancing their token to the next square of that colour. The only moments of joy come from a series of unlucky draws or a series of lucky draws. Replace drawing cards with rolling 1d6, and getting 2 sixes or 2 ones in a row. That's the only type of story _Candy Land_ can create. That kind of story that was available in _HEXplore It_. For _five hours_. Of a RPG-like game. If I ever ran a session that felt like this game of _HEXplore It_ , I'd give up GMing forever. Sure, there was _some_  satisfaction in finally understanding a build and levelling it up, but since level ups were effectively purely random, and getting a proper synergy to work took the full five hours, I'd hardly count it as joy. If you like combat-as-a-sport or build synergies, there are other, better games available, either on the RPG side, the mechanics side, or the complexity side. ## The Magic Circle RPGs work by creating a shared imaginary world. D&D didn't take off because it had wargame rules for Hobbits and Orcs. It took off because someone, in an early game, said "I want to talk to the Troll" or "I throw a rock at the trap" or "I tie my rope to..." That nameless ur-player chose to interact with the world _as a world_ , using real-world logic, and got results that no mechanics could hope to encompass. Sure, wargamers could try to get into the mindset of a Napoelonic general or a piratical sea-captain, but that was just fluff around the mechanics. But**the cunning plan was the game. It _is_ the game.** If _HEXplore It_ _ _ understood that, they'd probably implement a resource called Clever Plans. You'd roll the Clever Plans die and see if you rolled equal or below your Clever Plans Rank. If you did, you could generate 1 Food or deal 1 Damage or... look, you get the idea. I can feel my bile rising as I'm writing. It's _awful_. It's endless _that_ , while pretending it's not. The underlying reality of an RPG allows players and the GM to make rulings about how things should work. Can you drink a potion and still make an attack in OD&D? Well, the rules don't say. Combat rounds are 1 minute long, so maybe? But wait, you're using a shield and a sword. Are you going to drop one to use a potion? The ruling might be wrong, or right, or get fixed later, but it's easy to make in the moment. In a board game, reality does not matter. The rules are the sole mediator of interactions. Can you sell items in settlements in _HEXplore It_? Maybe? We didn't find rules for it (beyond selling food, oddly). Can you trade items between characters, and if so, when? That took ten minutes to look up. Even positive reviewers are baffled by the game's choices, and strive to articulate their dissatisfaction. ## A Better Game In five hours, a reasonably competent DM of an OSR game could take new players through character generation and run a satisfying session. I know, because I did it a few days ago. That session had some truly excellent moments that made everyone laugh and will probably enter the canon of great all-time game moments. In fact, for all my session reports, most games were 4 hours, some were 5, and a rare few went to 6. With a medium-heavy game (D&D 3.5 - 5E, _Pathfinder_ , etc.), a GM could at least generate characters and run a basic starting adventure.  With the average storygame, you could get through an entire arc. With the average 'zine concept game, an entire game and a callout post. At least two rounds of _Fiasco_. An entire Crokinole tournament. A _Magic the Gathering  _draft with playoffs. Two games of _Root _with completely new players. A double feature of _Nixon in China_ and _Mosè in Egitto_! But in five hours, we'd barely accomplished anything in _HexploreIt._ It was an hour before I felt like I'd made a meaningful decision, and even that was only the first of many resource-management choices. And two of the players had played the game before! Agony! Dismay! _Wrath!_ ## Final Notes > Critic John Kula, writing twenty years after [The Campaign for North Africa's] publication, noted that development of a game this size was solely driven by player feedback. "So why produce a game which is unplayable? Well apparently the feedback responses that governed Jim Dunnigan and SPI indicated that gamers wanted such monster games. **And true to the old curse, gamers got what they asked for**. This is likely the single biggest difficulty with reader feedback — everyone knows what they want, but few know what they need." > -The Campaign for North Africa, Wikipedia _HEXplore It_ has art! Cardboard! Miniatures! Playesting, balancing, life-improving design choices. Custom dice! Its the height of pre-tariff board game ambition. And yet, it embodies a fundamental emptiness, a failure to truly understand what it attempts to imitate. > In short, that even the finest passages you steal are of no service to you; for the poverty of your own language prevents their assimilating; so that they lie on the surface like lumps of marl on a barren moor, encumbering what it is not in their power to fertilize! > > -The Critic, Act 1, Scene 1 It is a thing to back on Kickstarter, to own, to unbox, to dream about using, and to never use. It can sit on you shelf and promise joy. Let it sit there. Or, like the miser who buried his gold, throw it away and pretend it's on your shelf. Your friends will thank you.
18.11.2025 01:29 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0
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OSR: Beyond the Western Desert (or OD&D with Appendix N-1) The conceit of my current OD&D game is "OD&D without context". What weird mutant offshoot of the tree of RPG development will we create if we take the LBBs, and only the LBBs, in a deliberately isolated context? This is OD&D without: **Books:  **AD&D's Appendix N + the obvious but not listed books (e.g._Lord of the Rings_). **Films** : _The Raven_ (1963), _Sleeping Beauty_ (1959), _The Court Jester_ (1955), _7 Faces of Dr. Lau_ (1964), the _Sinbad_ movies, the Hammer horror films, and maybe _Gargoyles_(1972). Yes, it's not entirely sensible. It's deliberate foolishness. It's like trying to derive the urban planning laws of the Imperium of Man by examining Warhammer 40k gaming tables, or starting with a gasoline motor, some spruce, and some cotton and trying to reinvent the airplane. And yet, sometimes, you can learn a great deal from deliberate foolishness. > I love normal basketball too, with two teams trying to beat each other with solid defense and set plays, but we have all the normal basketball we could ever want. Surely, once every 100,000 games or so, you can find room for one pointless, silly, juvenile farce. > >  [Troy State 253, DeVry 141: Pretty Good, Episode 12 (Jon Bois)]( https://youtu.be/T4afzQyGo5Q?t=1306). --- Wikipedia # 1. Appendix N-1 How can you answer "What is OD&D like?" if you can't say "It's like _Lord of the Rings_ " or "_Sinbad_ " or "_Three Hearts and Three Lions"_? To put it another way, what could a reader plausibly guess were the influences on OD&D, if they weren't aware of the actual influences? There are no right answers, but here are my thoughts: ### The Implied Setting * OD&D's wilderness is sparsely inhabited, enormous, and non-pastoral. * The world is full of ruins, mystery, and the supernatural. * The game's setting is implied to have a mix terrain types: "clear", woods, river, swamp, mountains, desert, city. Deserts and arid plains are emphasized, as are seafaring adventures. * Military forces are small (a few hundred at most) and cluster around leaders who are potent in combat. * Factions and large political structures (other than cosmological alignments) are absent. * The implied theology is dualist but not necessarily oppositional. Law and Chaos are two facets or approaches, but the implication is that multi-alignment groups are possible. It's not a kill-on-sight division. * The world is hierarchical. Levels of dungeons, of people, of monsters, of currency, of spells... --- Wikipedia # 2. Texts ** _Record of the Three Kingdoms_** There are three types of people: those who know a lot about _The Romance of the Three Kingdoms_ (by reading, television, or video games), those who know nothing, and those who know less than they ought to. I'm in the third category. I've read the historical novel at least twice, and I can spot the major figures and events, but it's a thin coat of knowledge over the slippery surface of bafflement. But I recently read the _Sanguozhi Pinghua, _the vernacular precursor the historical novel. It's in the genre of Ripping Yarns, or Suetonial History as opposed to Herodotian History; a fast-paced story of supernatural events, gossip, and battles designed to keep the reader's interest. I'm going to quote the most of the Origin of the Yellow Scarves chapter, because its twists and turns provide a perfect summary of the work's tone. It also features a dungeon crawl and a miraculous scroll. > Now we will speak about something else. Right now, in the year in which Emperor Ling of the Han has ascended the throne, bronze and iron both rang out. The emperor, startled, asked his high ministers, “Has such a thing ever happened in past?” > > The Prime Minister Huangfu Song stepped forward from the ranks and replied, “This has happened twice from the ancient times of Pangu to the present. Long ago in the Spring and Autumn period, when the Son of Heaven, who was King of Qi, ascended the throne, bronze and iron rang out for three days and nights. The King of Qi then asked his great ministers, ‘What good or bad fortune is foretold by this ringing of bronze and iron?’ He asked three times but all of the high ministers were silent. The King of Qi was furious and summoned the grandee Ran Qing, ‘You are a grandee, why is it you cannot explain this? I will set a term of three days for you; you must reveal the fortune it signals, good or bad.’ The King of Qi did in fact not receive his ministers in audience for three days. > > “But, when Ran Qing returned home, he was deeply depressed and unhappy. A family tutor at his mansion noticed the sorrowful expression on his face and asked the grandee, ‘Why are you so unhappy?’ The grandee answered, ‘Teacher, I will tell you. All the bronze and iron in the world are ringing, and when my lord and king asked me whether this predicted good fortune or bad, I truly had no idea. Now the King of Qi has given me a time limit of three days, and if I do not come up with an answer I will be charged with a crime.’ The teacher replied, ‘This is easy!’ The great grandee exclaimed, ‘If you know the answer, you will be appointed to office and receive a substantial reward. What of the fortune, good or bad, of this affair?’ The teacher replied, ‘It doesn’t predict any good fortune or bad. It only predicts that a mountain will collapse.’ ‘How do you know?’ The teacher explained, ‘Bronze and iron are the offspring of the mountains and mountains are the progenitors of bronze and iron.’” > > “The great grandee Ran got the meaning and immediately went to court to report to the King of Qi. The latter assembled his ministers, and grandee Ran stepped forward from the ranks and reported, ‘The ringing of bronze and iron does not predict any fortune, good or bad.’ The King of Qi asked, ‘What?’ He replied, ‘It predicts that a mountain will collapse.’ The ruler asked, ‘How do you know?’ And he reported, ‘Bronze and iron are the offspring of the mountains, and the mountains are the progenitors of bronze and iron. It is neither lucky nor unlucky.’ The King of Qi was highly pleased and promoted Ran Qing to higher office and rank, to be held by his sons and grandsons without interruption. Only a few days after Ran Qing had reported to the throne, one of the peaks of Flowery Mountain collapsed. So, Your Majesty, this affair does not predict good fortune and does not predict misfortune.” > > It was no more than a few days after he had finished speaking that a memorial arrived from Yunzhou, stating that a hole had appeared at the foot of Mt. Tai, as big as a cartwheel and of unknown depth. The court dispatched an emissary to investigate whether this was a lucky or unlucky event. > > Let us now talk about something else. At some distance from this hole there was a mountain house, the mountain retreat of Old Master Sun. The Old Master had two sons, the elder of whom took charge of the farm, and the younger of whom studied his letters. He was going to be schoolteacher Sun, but he suddenly contracted leprosy: all his hair fell out and his body never stopped oozing pus and blood. The stench offended his father and mother, and that’s why they built him a thatched hut more than a hundred paces behind the farm. > > His wife brought him his food each day. Now one day, his wife brought him food early in the morning. It was the third month of spring and when she arrived at the door of his hermitage and saw the full extent of his illness, she could not bear to look at him. Covering her mouth and nose with her hands, she gave him his food but leaned away from him. > > The schoolteacher heaved a sigh and said, “A wife is supposed to share your house when alive and your coffin when you’re dead. But—if even my wife can’t stand me when I’m alive, how much less can others? What’s the point of living even a day longer?” > > After he had finished speaking and his wife had gone away, he came to the conclusion that he should find a place to die. He took the crutch he used in his illness, and put on his pus- and blood-stained shoes. After going twenty or thirty steps straight north from his hut, [4b] he saw a hole. He put down the staff, took off his shoes, and straightaway jumped into it. But inside the hole it seemed like someone carried him on his back and laid him on the ground. He completely lost consciousness. After a long time, he suddenly came to and opened his eyes to have a look; straight above him he saw one dot of blue sky. > > The schoolteacher said, “A moment ago I was desperate to kill myself, I never expected I would escape death!” > > After a time in utter darkness, he gradually saw a bright light straight north of him. About ten paces after he started walking in that direction, he saw a staff of white jade. But when he tried to take hold of it, it turned out only to be two leaves of a gate standing ajar. When he pushed that grotto gate open with his shoulder, it was as bright as day. He saw a stone mat and sat down on it to rest for a while. Tired, he lay down on the stone mat and fell asleep. But when he suddenly stretched himself out, his feet touched something soft. And when he arose with a start, what did he see? **Doomed to an end was the four-hundred-year-old empire of Han, just because this schoolteacher reached this very spot!** > > The schoolteacher saw a huge python, a motionless coil—from fat head to tapered tail—three foot tall. Immediately that python escaped into the grotto. The schoolteacher followed the snake inside the cave, and although he didn’t see the snake, he did see a stone casket. He lifted the lid of the box with his hands and found one scroll of text. He took it out and read it from beginning to end. It turned out to be a text to cure all 404 diseases. It made no use of the eight kinds of eight herbs of the Divine Husbandman. It did not involve refining, matching, or curing with heat. Nothing was turned into pills or powders. No activants were used to get it down. On every page were prescriptions for cures; for every kind of symptom all you needed was a cup of water over which the correct incantation had been spoken—you would be cured as soon as you swallowed that! When he came to the passage on leprosy, the method prescribed was a famous prescription for treating the disease of our schoolteacher. When he saw this, he was filled with joy. He took the heavenly book with him, left through the grotto gate, and sat down on the stone mat. > > Now our tale divides again. When the wife of the schoolteacher brought his food again, she couldn’t find the schoolteacher. She came back and informed her father-in-law and he immediately set out with the elder son and others to search. When they came to the hole, they saw his staff and his pus- and blood-covered shoes. The father and mother, elder brother, and wife circled around the pit, weeping. After some time they could hear someone calling from the pit. They fetched a rope and lowered it into the hole with a branch at its end to save the schoolteacher. When he appeared from the pit and father and son saw each other, they were deeply moved. When they were done crying, the schoolteacher said, “Father, don’t be sad and anxious anymore. I found a heavenly book that will cure my symptoms.” They immediately returned to the farm together. He took one cup of pure water and swallowed it into his stomach when he finished reciting the incantation. His leprosy was immediately cured, and his hair and skin went back to their original state! Later, no matter the distance, people came to seek treatment and every one was cured. They offered him as a contribution for his services cash and goods worth more than twenty thousand strings and he ordained roughly five hundred or more disciples. > > One of these was called Zhang Jue. One day he took his leave from his teacher, “My old mother back at home is advanced in years, so I request a leave of absence in order to take care of her.” > > The schoolteacher replied, “When you leave I will give you a book with famous prescriptions, so it doesn’t matter if you don’t come back.” > > The teacher instructed Zhang Jue, “With these famous prescriptions you will cure all complaints and diseases in the empire; but never ask people for money. Abide by my words.” > > After Zhang Jue had left his teacher and returned home, he treated diseases in all places he passed through; everyone was cured but he never asked for money. Zhang Jue said, “If I cure you, all of your young and adult males will follow me as my disciples—there is no claim on the old.” > > Zhang Jue roamed through the four directions and ordained more than a hundred thousand disciples. He recorded their surnames and names and their places of registration, and also the cyclical year, month, and day of their birth. “If I want you for a mission, when that written notification arrives report with the speed of fire. And all of my disciples must abide by the meeting time. Anyone who does not come upon receiving the notification will certainly die. All those who do not follow me will be visited by disaster!” > > So suddenly, on that day the Yellow Scarves rose in revolt against the Han, Zhang Jue’s notifications were dispatched throughout the whole world and within a few days his disciples had all arrived at Zhang Family Village, thirty li to the east of the capital of Guangning Commandery in Yangzhou Prefecture. Zhang Jue and two of his nephews gathered the whole in this village, and when they had all assembled, he shouted, “You two younger brothers bring them over here!” > > The two younger brothers brought out four bundles, and when these were opened in front of Zhang Jue, they were filled with yellow scarves, which they distributed to the troops and the captains wore … Yellow Scarves. Zhang Jue instructed his troops as follows, “Today the empire of the Han dynasty is bound to end and I am bound to rise. If one day I will be lord, the greatest soldiers will be appointed as princes, the lesser ones will be appointed as marquises, and even the bottom rung will be appointed as prefects.” > > When this meeting was over, they had no armor or weapons at all. In the beginning they all wore soft battle clothing and carried only rakes and clubs. But the leaders, Zhang Jue and the two others, led these one hundred thousand men and first took Yangzhou to provide battle dress and armor, bows and swords, saddles and horses, and all other weapons. > > Setting out with their army, they started from Guangning Commandery in Yangzhou Prefecture. Whenever they came upon some village, they took that village; whenever they came upon some district, they took that district—they took countless counties and prefectures. Whenever they came to a place, whole families were enlisted in their rebellion. Those who did not comply were either killed, conquered, or enslaved. Occupying two-thirds of the Han empire, the Yellow Scarves had amassed three hundred sixty thousand people in total. > -_Records of the Three Kingdoms in Plain Language,_ trans. Wilt L. Idema and Stephen H. West In summary, we have: -A ruler asks for someone to interpret an omen. -The ministers are baffled. -A wise tutor explains.     -A sinkhole opens.     -A leper falls down it.     -He discovers a scroll that can cure any disease.         -This the previous two tales are revealed to be the origin of a faith healing sect.         -The faith healing sect rebels. And all this related at a breakneck and uncritical pace. It's great stuff. You could easily imagine that OD&D, with its scrolls, dragons, bandits and larger-than-life heroes, drew from this source directly. It's also a hierarchical world. **2._The Golden Peaches of Samarkand_ **by Edward H. Schafer Patrick Stuart has a great writeup over on _False Machine_. This book fit perfectly into the OD&D setting that was congealing in my brain. A sprawling all-devouring empire, cycles of civil war, and exotic goods from unmapped and dangerous lands beyond the borders. The book is largely from the perspective of the core, but that works for OD&D; the gold-bearing magic-item-laden wilderness described by the text is the land of the campaign. **3.Great Game Books** Or "Whoops All Massacres." * _The Great Game_, Peter Hopkirk. * _Bayonets to Lhasa_, Peter Flemming. * _Mission to Tashkent_ by Frederick Bailey. For this project, they're more for a sense of sparsely populated mountain kingdoms than for accurate historical detail. # 3. Film & Television # ** __** ### _The Desert of the Tartars_ (1976) I can't explain why, but this film struck me as OD&D adjacent. A crumbling fortress overlooking a deserted city and a vast, utterly lifeless wilderness. Distant armies. The blind rituals of Law. The fear and allure of the unknown. Yes, this is fudging the timeline a bit, but it's too good not to list. Everything about this, minus the rifles, screams OD&D to me. A small band of soldiers, mounted leaders, a mule with supplies, a distant ruined castle, a haunted landscape. More than Arthuriana, more than Hollywood Medievalism, this is what it seems to be all about. ### The Romance of the Three Kingdoms TV Series (1994) I've been watching the excellent subtitled versions put out by the Gentlemen of the Hàn. The costumes and scale feel perfect for OSR games. The series with its limited extras (well, relatively limited) and practical effects feels like the kind of wargaming that OD&D was designed to support. It's cheating a bit, as OD&D predates the series by twenty years, but it's still worth watching. OD&D castle generation produces characters and groups that strongly resemble groups of _Three Kingdoms_ heroes (well, minus the Wyverns). There's no need to adopt specific terms, given OD&D's highly abstracted armour and damage system. ### Viy (1967) Circle of Protection from Evil? Undead? Gargoyles and magic? Undead creatures galore? Surely the creators of these strange little brown books saw this film and incorporated it into their rules. ### Other Films * _Satyricon  _(1969). Less for the details and more for the texture. Cyclopean ruins, ogres (if not named as such), and baffling events in the wilderness. * Sadko (1952). Well, if can't have Sinbad... * I was going to suggest _ __Journey to the Beginning of Time_ (1955) as a "Well, if we can't have Harryhausen / Well, if we need dinosaurs..." but it's _very_ possible that Gygax (et al.) saw the US TV cut of the film. # 4. Setting Specific Interpretations The implied OD&D setting that congealed from this project isn't a specific reference to any one real-world location or culture. I wanted to do the bare minimum of initial work and let the setting develop as the game progressed. I loosely based the hex map on the region around the Fergana Valley, as it's one of the few areas in the world where all the OD&D terrain types are represented on a 5-mile (or 15 mile) hex scale. D&D hexes are enormous but in historically sparsely populated and inhospitable regions, they start to make a tiny bit more sense. There's one castle in a huge region because there's one spring of any considerable volume in a huge region. There are only a few villages because herds need to remain mobile (especially given the contents of the OD&D random encounter table). Anyone who farms in OD&D is either a sucker, capable of truly heroic self-defence, or under the protection of a local army. I wanted mountain hexes to feel like actual mountains. Sure, you _can_  cross any ridge of mountains, but passes are useful. "There's a dragon guarding this pass" is a perfect adventure plot, but it doesn't work if mountain hexes are just lumpier desert hexes. Picking a real-world location helps me visualize the terrain, weather, and environmental pressures. The valleys look like _this_  so any farms have to look like _  this. _If you climb this _peak_ , you can see _here.  _A lot of hex maps don't feel real. This one, at least to me, does. Reading into the OD&D encounter tables and monster descriptions, Dwarves are rich in magic items and want gold. Elves are poor in magic items. One of the oldest posts on this blog is about the ravenous hunger of civilizations for wood. Why do untouched and uncleared forests exist in OD&D's wilderness? Elves. And Dryads, who can't move far from their tree, and Ents, who can turn even a determined party of woodcutters into meat paste. Elves can't or won't smelt; no smelting means no iron; no iron means no top-tier magic armour or magic weapons. They are the outsider-elves of Icelandic mythology. Orcs are traders. Visually, they're people. They're the only faction that seems 'civilized', for lack of a better word, if "inter-tribal hostility" is read in a slightly euphemistic light. Some of them live in caves; very sensible, give the number of incredibly dangerous flying creatures. They have wagon trains. Nobody else has wagon trains. Presumably, it's Bandits vs. Orcs out there, fighting at night. --- Su Jian ### Theology and Evil Priests Not Evil as in "Clerics who do Evil" but Evil as in "Clerics _of_ Evil." Evil days, an evil name, an evil omen. Clerics of discord, of death, of funerals, of broken hearts and broken contracts, of famine, plague, storms, and tears. Priests of death, but death is necessary. Not the _cause_ of Evil, but its monitors, its propitiators. You need some Chaos Clerics around. Too much Law is stultifying. Dead stone and undisturbed dust, not living flesh and growing plants. Also, the dead start to rise if there's not enough death-energy around. On the other hand, too much Chaos and it's difficult to get anything done. Chaos clerics are self-disorganizing. That's the high theological argument, and it might even be true. But on a practical, boots-on-the-ground everyday religion level, the Chaos and Law Clerics are just two different schools, monastic traditions, or disciplines. OD&D doesn't have devils or angels. It's interested in the material world. In the Lands Beyond the Western Desert, the local clerics (not the Sai Empire clerics) are monastic. They use the title "Molgon" for Evil High Priests and "Molga" for Patriarchs (and Su-Molgon / Su-Molga for Vicars/Evil Priests and up, with other yet-to-be invented titles for the rest). In OD&D's incredibly dangerous wilderness, having a local cleric who can cast _Finger of Death_  is pretty darn handy. Evil Clerics studying death get funny ideas about avoiding death entirely. This happens with Law Clerics too (_Raise Dead_  is a great temptation). Who could have guessed that applied theology leads to megalomania? Just as Empires tend to civil wars, Monasteries tend to schisms and tyranny. --- Famine - John Charles Dollman ### Tiers of Sapience Men, Elves, and Dwarves can benefit from _Raise Dead_. Hobbits, Orcs, etc. can't. This is... kind of weird and uncomfortable in a setting, but it's also a worldbuilding opportunity. Hobbits are reformed Hobgoblins trapped in samsara. They cannot be raised by _Raise Undead_. You can't escape the churn unless your foot is on the highest rung of the ladder. A virtuous Hobbit can be reincarnated as a Human and get a chance to escape. Kicking down the gates of Heaven and creating a better system could be a goal for a very high level campaign. Alternatively, it's just one of those things. It's only relevant after death, and only known for certain by high-level Clerics, and _Raise Dead_  isn't guaranteed to work in any case. OD&D is not interested in fairness. And people don't need factual excuses to divide the world into "obviously superior _us_ " and "easily slaughtered _them_." Or maybe elevation is not tied to virtue or vice, good or evil, but to some other property or behaviour? Wealth, perhaps (given the GP for XP system)? But then, why are Dragons less sapient than other creatures (as they only have a chance to be able to speak)? How mysterious. _Reincarnate_ is the Magic-User equivalent of _Raise Dead_. In modern D&D terms, it's applied chronomancy. Grab the wheel of reincarnation and give it a good hard spin. Someone out there had a child, raised it, and then magic whisked them away and deposited them in front of the PCs. Two lives, two sets of memories. You didn't skip the queue, you just fast-forwarded the tape. Every use of this spell kills a person's future. ## Final Notes This deliberately context-less reading of OD&D produced an interesting setting. It's still got OD&D's bones, but some of the game's oddities (from wargaming roots, unusual editing, or authorial intent) can flourish if read with an open (or deliberately warped) mind.
13.11.2025 16:31 — 👍 1    🔁 1    💬 0    📌 0
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OSR: OD&D Session 1: The Ring and the Marmot Running a vintage RPG is like running a vintage car. It's fun, but it'll make you realize how much you miss power steering, disc brakes, and seatbelts. The GLOG is like a handbuilt hot rod. It does its job well, but is more of a heap of loosely linked hopes than a practical everyday vehicle. But you built it yourself and you know what it can do... what will  make the crankcase turn into a cloud of tinsel and smoke. The mutant AD&D version I use for testing is like a rusty station wagon. It still runs, but every part has been replaced at some point, and you wouldn't sell it to a friend. Running OD&D is like driving a Model T Ford. It's possible, and it's entertaining, but it's also a bit stressful. I decided to run a by-the-book OD&D game. No initial worldbuilding beyond what's in the books. No outside knowledge of _Lord of the Rings_ or _Three Hearts and Three Lions_. No Greyhawk, no Strategic Review, just the 3 Little Brown Books, some dice, and some guesswork. --- Wikipedia ## The Setting I'll cover more details about the implied OD&D-derived setting of this game in a future post, but this was the pitch the players heard: > The Sai Empire is slowly emerging from a period of civil war. Fabled kingdoms and distant lands that used to send tribute to the capital slipped into independence and myth. The lands beyond the Western Desert are unmapped, untamed, and, so it is claimed, rich beyond belief. > > Soldiers of disgraced warlords, drifters, criminals, dreamers, and adventurers are trickling across the desert. Most die. The wilderness is incredibly dangerous. An eagle the size of an elephant carried off a cart and two horses. Giant worms rumble under the surface. Elves stalk the forests. > > But if you survive, and if you prosper, you can be anything. Found a kingdom, a dynasty, an empire. Get rich. Discover world-bending magic. Just watch out for the storm giants, bandits, dragons, and undead. ## The PCs * **Gorgontooth the Unslain, Dwarf.** Plate armour, shield, helmet, battleaxe. Wishes to become a famous hero. Seems not to understand that "unslain" is the bare minimum qualification. * **Elizabeth Greenslade** ,**Magic-User.** Scribe to Gorgontooth, recording his heroic story. Her _Sleep_ spell is possibly just Elizabeth reading her draft. * **Chad Bloodsworth, Fighting Man**. Plate, sword and shield, rope, and mild paranoia. * **Lurp, Hobbit.** Chad's squire, acquired during the wars. Plate, sling, and spear. A reformed Hobgoblin. * **Tim Eonwalker, Magic-User.** Disreputable seller of fake potions and false prophecies. * **Alcone Darkwell, Cleric (Chaos).** Tim's accountant. * **Jacob Tallerand, Cleric (Chaos).**  Anxious spotty teenager. Was on a tomb-robbing expedition. Tried to raise their friend from the dead with a scroll. It wasn't a scroll of _Resurrection_. * **Opum, Skeleton.  **Jacob's friend. Bow and arrow and 2 HP. Every player brought at least one interesting twist to their PCs. We learned that Hobbits are reformed Hobgoblins and that they were involved in the civil wars of the Sai Empire. There's a line between too silly. "I want to play a barbarian named 'Arnold Baconandegger' and everything I say is a quote from a movie" is, usually, too silly. "My cleric is an accountant, and my magic-user is their disreputable client" is the _perfect_ amount of silly. It helped establish that the Sai empire has banking clerics. If Opum survives, as the text suggests, they'll level up to a 2 HD Ghoul, a 3 HD Wight, etc. I ruled that Opum had to use the Skeleton stat block and couldn't wear armour, making them exceedingly vulnerable, but with the usual Undead benefits. --- The OD&D character sheet I'm using. Based on the timeless sheet by Dyson Logos. # The Adventure (Soundtrack) --- Arg-e Bam, from _The Desert of the Tartars_ (1977) After a long and perilous journey through the Western Desert, the PCs reached Fortress Vallat, the last outpost of the Sai Empire. A heap of mud and stone in the desert, inhabited by around 100 flea-bitten and worried soldiers, the fortress felt precarious. It flew a dragon-kite, a construction of wicker, silk, and mirrors designed to warn any nearby dragons that the fortress' light catapults were armed and ready, but the soldiers rarely ventured far from its walls. With their knowledge of Imperial paperwork and their air of scholarly superiority making the soldiers more talkative, and Tim and Alcone learned of a recent bandit attack. Everyone knew the bandits were hiding in an old tomb in the foothills, but the fortress couldn't spare the forces for a proper reprisal. Anyone who did so would earn the thanks of Ho Tjatbosk, the local Imperial governor (whose territory extended no further than a catapult shot from the fortress' walls), as well as all the bandit loot they could carry. The PCs had bonded by their journey. Seeing that the fortress was not a source of instant wealth, they decided to take on the bandits. --- 07.05: Fortress Vallat 08.05 Bandit Camp With the aid of a sketched map and some Dwarven stone-sense, the PCs were able to locate the entrance to the tomb without too much trouble. Fighting bandits underground seemed like a bad idea, so the PCs decided to camp on the hill above the tomb's entrance. Anyone leaving it would be clearly visible, could be attacked from above, and would have to climb a steep hill to reach the group. > Side Note: this was the first "Wow, that's a _good_ plan." moment of the game. I hadn't expected the PCs to simply wait for the bandits to split their forces. As the sun set, a group of 16 bandits emerged from the tomb. Before the PCs could attack them, the large rock next to the tomb's entrance shook itself awake. Jaws slavering and eyes flashing, a two-headed Hydra attacked the bandits with ravenous hunger. > Side Note: The Hydra was the first successful random encounter roll of the session. OD&D's wilderness is deadly. If the PCs had run into it, it probably would have killed them all. Instead, one problem solved another. Lucky PCs; unlucky bandits. I described it as a two-headed hydra because my brain misfired, but I used the stats and HP of a six-headed hydra. I think I interpreted the roll as "d8 heads", not "4+1d8 heads". The Hydra attacked, snapping and devouring several bandits. The bandits, in turn, were either unable to hit the lizard or unable to deal critical damage. After a failed Morale test, the handful of survivors fled into the tomb, pursued by a badly wounded but still angry Hydra. --- Wikipedia The PCs cautiously descended to loot the bodies, when a sudden swarm of eight feral hogs emerged from the tomb's entrance. They ran through the group, nearly striking several PCs, and fled oinking into the night. > Side Note: I rolled attacks for the boars, but somehow they all missed. As you'll see later, my dice favoured the PCs this session. This was another knock-on effect of the random Hydra encounter; it cleared a room and some potential enemies. After waiting a few minutes, the PCs descended into the tomb. In another sensible decision, they decided to immediately track down and finish off the wounded Hydra. They descended the stairs (1), ignored three metal doors (4,5,6) and a side passage, and followed the trail of Hydra blood and mangled bandits to another set of stairs (7). As they descended, the Hydra charged, its one remaining head snapping at Gorgontooth the Unslain. Luckily, Opum the Skeleton fired an arrow into the Hydra's open mouth, smashing its brain just as its fangs closed around Gorgontooth's torso. > Side Note: Initiative in OD&D is rolled on 2d6. The Hydra had 10; Opum got 11, hit, and dealt 4 damage. The Hydra had exactly 4 HP remaining. We got the Initiative sequence slightly wrong, so the attack against Gorgontooth - which would  have nearly killed the Dwarf - was rewound. It was the closest possible shave. Chad Bloodsworth burnt the Hydra, to prevent its heads from regrowing. The PCs decided to explore a few rooms before returning to the first level. A room to the south (12) contained a mysterious well. A room to the west contained a small pile of gold... which the PCs found suspicious. Lurp the Hobbit threw a rock at it, revealing the gold to be real gold, but surrounded by a carpet of centipedes! With the aid of some lamp oil and a torch, the PCs burned the swarm before it reached them. Alcone Darkwell, Cleric/Accountant, started to have regrets about this new tomb-robbing lifestyle. The PCs bagged the gold, as well as mysterious wooden staff under the debris. It looked magical, so Tim Eonwalker grabbed it, but couldn't figure out how to activate it. > Side Note: A randomly generated _Staff of Control Plants_  was, perhaps, not the most useful item to find in a plant-free dungeon, but that's how random generation goes. They returned to the first level and opened the three metal doors (7,8,9), revealing only magical darkness beyond. The PCs briefly debated sending someone in with a rope tied around their waist, but nobody volunteered. As they continued to explore, another swarm of centipedes - perhaps disturbed by the firey demise of their brethren on the 2nd level - emerged from cracks in the stone. The PCs dealt with them quickly with oil and torches. > Side Note: This was the only successful random encounter roll so far, and centipedes - though potentially deadly - are still one of the better options on the OD&D random encounter table. It's possible for PCs on level 1 to run into 2d8 4 HD level-draining immune-to-non-magical-weapons Wraiths! The PCs found a few more gold pieces and another dead bandit in the pigsty (2), and some spare torches in an empty room (8). They also discovered a fountain (3), with a statue of a robed figure holding a book. Gorgontooth the Unslain guessed that it was sculpted by magic, and that the water was also probably magical. Several PCs took a drink, but the Chaotic clerics sensibly declined. > Side Note: The fountain cast _Bless_  on Lawful characters (only Lurp the Hobbit), healed Lawful and Neutral characters for 1d6, and dealt 1d6 damage to Chaotic characters. Luckily, Lurp went first, and seeing the results none of the Chaotic characters risked it. > > Also, I couldn't remember the term "pigsty." My brain came up with "piggery", to much merriment. The party descended once again. They explored a storeroom (14) and stocked up on rations, spotted a staircase (15) but did not approach it, then found a bandit encampment at the end of a hall (23).  The bandits that would have occupied the bedrolls and tables were scattered around the dungeon thanks to the Hydra. The PCs heard faint music from the door to the west (23) and guessed that a few more bandits must be inside; more than 2 (judging by the three-part harmony) but less than 100 (judging by the room size). Chad Bloodsworth decided lure one out. Some oddly convincing cries for help attracted one bandit. Lurp and Chad grabbed him, but, as both were clad in plate armour, made an unholy racket. A brief and confusing interrogation, they determined that "around 20" bandits were on the other side of the door. The singing continued from inside the room, but in a slightly strained way, as if one singer was trying their best to cover up the sound of martial preparation. The PCs prepared a very cunning plan. They assembled in front of the door, plate and shield fighters first, then kicked it open. Thirteen bow-armed bandits, with one higher-level leader, stared back at them. Before arrows could fly, Tim Eonwalker cast _Charm Person  _on the bandit leader, unsuccessfully. Elizabeth Greenslade** ** cast _Sleep_  on the bandits, successfully knocking out nine of them. Lurp stunned one of the awake bandits with a rock. Suddenly outnumbered, the bandits immediately surrendered. > Side Note: The plan was very risky and relied on good initiative rolls (or a 2-in-6 surprise check), but _Sleep_ was practically guaranteed to take out a large number of bandits. It's a pity _Charm Person_ didn't work, because a Level 4 Fighting Man would have made a mighty hireling, but it was a good attempt. The PCs forced the bandits to reveal their loot, acquiring two 2,000gp diamonds and a 6,000gp piece of jewellery; a decorative cityscape intended as a gift for the Orc city of Vardovarri. They also released the bandits' prisoner. The Orc warrior Kchut explained the whole situation to Lurp, as they both spoke goblin, and none of the bandits did. Gorgontooth listened in. The bandits, Kchut related, had a famous leader called "The Marmot", who claimed to have a plan to conquer Fortress Vallat with the aid of a magic ring. While exploring down the well (12), the Marmot apparently perished. Dashtar, the current bandit leader, took over. The bandits are all afraid of a "cat-monster" somewhere else in the dungeon, and roast unhelpful prisoners using the fire pit traps to the south of the barracks (23). The PCs openly debated executing everyone, or leading them back to Fortress Vallat, or throwing in with the bandits and forming a raiding crew of their own. They eventually decided to disarm the sleeping bandits, tie up the others, and lead them through the dungeon as mobile trap-finders. Chad Bloodsworth agreed to take on Kchut the Orc as a hireling. When the group approached the third staircase (15), the bandit leader Dashtar kicked one of the tied bandits down the stairs, then turned to run. The stairs turned into a greasy ramp, sending the restrained bandit tumbling into darkness. A spine-chilling roar shook the dungeon. "The beast!" Dashtar cried, scrambling to escape. Chad Bloodsworth and Lurp tackle the bandit, while the rest of the group left the plate-armoured fighters behind in headlong flight. The hideous shaggy head of a Manticore emerged from the stairs, turned to look at the group, and swung its deadly spiked tail up the hallway. Six manticore spikes shot outwards.  Six spikes struck home. _All six_ rolled 1 damage each. Baffled at their luck, Chad and Lurp dragged Dashtar around the corner, and the Manticore retreated to its lair to feast. The group debated retreating from the dungeon and splitting their wealth, but, buoyed by the lack of random encounter rolls, their new hirelings (voluntary and otherwise), and the prospect of a powerful magic ring, they decided to continue. They came up with an excellent plan to explore the well (12). They threw down torches until the cavern was partially illuminated, then lowered the lightly restrained bandits on ropes, and then threw down weapons. The 12 HP Giant Leech in the pool, as well as the Zombified corpses of five unlucky bandits, quickly overcame the four bandits and Dashtar. Opum the Skeleton, with tireless accuracy, leaned down the well and shot arrows at the survivors until the room seemed safe. The had plenty of arrows to waste; they took every arrow from the bandit encampment and heaped them around the well. The PCs used all their remaining rope to build a sturdy ladder system, then descended into the cavern (25). Jacob Tallerand went first, and immediately started searching for the Marmot's corpse and its fabled ring. Heedless of danger, Jacob sprinted into a side cavern (26), found a body with a glowing fire opal ring, cut off the corpse's finger, and slipped the ring on. > Side Note: I misread my own map and put the Marmot's corpse in (26) and not (30), but so it goes. A flash of fire lit up the cavern, as a 8' tall being of smokeless flame emerged from the ring. "I am the servant of the ring," it intoned. "What is your will, o master?" Jacob's eyes lit up. "Bring me a scroll of _Raise Dead_!" he cried. "This is within my power," the Djinni said, and vanished in a blast of flame. A few moments later, a scroll appeared before the startled cleric. > Side Note: Yes, technically Djinn in OD&D can't grant wishes or make scrolls. A cruel GM could  have created an illusionary scroll, but I am not _that_ cruel. It's a real scroll (possibly stolen) but I anticipated a few problems. First, despite the group's luck, I expected that Level 3 of an OD&D dungeon would quickly thin the herd, making the choice of who to raise interesting. Second, the scroll is a fragile scroll, and could easily be damaged or destroyed. Third, raising Opum the Skeleton is Jacob's main goal, and it would conveniently turn a Skeleton (and potential Ghoul, Wight, etc.) into merely a Level 1 Fighting Man. "Yes!" Jacob shouted. "What was that?" the rest of the group inquired from a safe distance. "Did you find the Marmot's body?" "Uh, no, this was an unrelated thing," Jacob quickly lied, rubbing the ring again. The Djinni reappeared with a whoosh. "What is thy bidding, my master?" "There's a Manticore in this dungeon. Go fight it," Jacob said excitedly, pointing vaguely in the right direction. The Djinni flew off like a comet. It returned a few minutes later, with several ragged holes in it's burning torso. "I fucked up, o master," it said. "It's too strong. Ooow. Ooooowww..." It sank slowly into the ring, until only a pained face was visible on the gem's surface. > Side Note: Run the numbers. A Djinni is a 7+1 HD creature (rolled 19 HP), AC 5, dealing 2d6-1 damage. The Manticore is a 6+1 HD creature (rolled 16 HP), AC 4, dealing 1d6 damage... and capable of firing 6 1d6 crossbow shots at once. The Djinni hits the Manticore on a 9+ (1x0.6x6=4.2 average damage. The Manticore's tail attacks hits the Djinni on an 8+, with a +1 bonus for close range. (6x0.7x3.5 = 14.7 average damage). The rolled damage worked out more-or-less the same, except that the Djinni didn't even get a hit off before taking serious damage and fleeing. "So we've got a _weak_ Djinni," Chad Bloodsworth said. "Fantastic. Didn't the Marmot want to take on Fortress Vallat with this ring?" "Maybe he wasn't very smart. I mean, he did die to a giant leech," Alcone Darkwell replied. Gorgontooth the Unslain searched the leech's watery pit for treasure, finding a few more coins and not catching any leechborne diseases. "My flesh is clay," he explained. "That's how Dwarves are." > Side Note: That's how dwarves are in this setting, I guess. Dwarves are made of clay, Hobbits are reformed Hobgoblins, and everyone is scared of Elves for reasons we have yet to determine. The party ventured north (27), but entered a cave with a quicksand floor. Jacob Tallerand, Tim Eonwalker, and Alcone Darkwell started to sink, but quick work with ropes and spears pulled them out before they vanished forever. The party skirted the edge of the sand and proceeded west (28). The slate floor of the cave was trapped. Thin plates of stone rested on a grid of thicker supports, above a 30' deep pit of spikes. Elizabeth Greenslade discovered the trap when the group was halfway across the room. She did not survive the fall. The group froze. A wrong step in any direction could be deadly. As they debated their next move, two ash-streaked robed figures came around the corner, raised their hands, and cast spells at the PCs. > Side Note: The encounter I rolled was "Evil Priests", and an undiscovered room to the north contained two Evil Priests, so it made sense for them to be attracted by the noise and ambush the party while they tried to navigate the pit traps. The first Evil Cleric a _Reversed Cure Wounds  _spell on Tim Eonwalker, dealing a whopping 3 damage, which was enough to kill the 2 HP Magic-User. The second Evil Cleric cast _Hold Person_  on Chad Bloodsworth, Lurp, and Kchut the Orc. Lurp passed his Save; the others failed. "Attack your frieeeeends," the Evil Cleric commanded. "None of these people are my friends," Chad argued. It was true. At Fortress Vallat, Chad had carefully explained that the shared bond of travelling did not approach friendship, and that Lurp was his squire, not his friend. "Yeah, I just met these people," Kchut said. "I'd barely call them acquaintances. The only person who I'd say is close to a friend is Chad, and you just mind controlled him." This brilliant telepathic argument gave the group time to act. Alcone Darkwell ran west, safely avoiding the pit traps, but pursued by the mind-controlled Chad and Kchut. Gorgontooth and Lurp opened fire with thrown stones and daggers, lightly wounding one Cleric. One Evil Cleric used _Turn Undead,_ sending Opum the Skeleton fleeing west. Both Evil Clerics then retreated around the corner, out of line of sight. They apparently hoped the mind-controlled Chad and Kchut, along with the pit traps, would weaken the rest of the party. > Side Note: I forgot that Evil Clerics can't cast Turn Undead. Maybe they were... Good Evil Clerics? Oh well. Jacob Tallerand decided to leap forward, hopefully avoiding the traps, but failed. The slate floor split under the spotty cleric, and he plunged his death. With slightly more caution, and some judicious arguing over the wording of the Dwarf's trap-finding abilities, Gorgontooth the Unslain and Lurp the Hobbit charged the two Evil Clerics. Gorgontooth slew one, ending the _Hold Person_ spell before the mind-controlled PCs could make their attacks. In return, the other Cleric brained Lurp with a mace. The valiant Hobbit fell. Gorgontooth the Unslain, with a whopping 7 HP, fought the remaining Evil Cleric for several rounds. He even had time to take a swig from his wineskin full of fountain water, restoring 3 HP. Up the corridor, Alcone Darkwell and Opum the Skeleton opened a sliding stone door, revealing a red metal door (33). They opened this door, revealing three Minotaurs with enormous axes. Alcone screamed, slammed the door closed, and ran east. > Side Note: I could have had the Minotaurs pursue, but the comic timing was too good. Gorgontooth finally managed to slice the second Evil Cleric in half, then returned to reveal the safe path across the pit trap room. With four of the eight starting PCs dead, and some excellent treasure at the bottom of a 30' spiked pit, how will the party proceed? What else lurks on Level 3 of this dungeon? Will the survivors retreat, level up, and return, or cut their losses and flee immediately? --- Wikipedia ## Prep & Final Notes Pre-session chatting, character generation, and dinner took about 1 hour, which isn't too bad. I could have done a better job explaining AC and the to-hit-AC values. 3d6 down-the-line stats produced some mixed characters, but stats don't matter much in OD&D. I printed off a quick-reference inventory + weight page, which really sped up the gear buying process. I had two copies of Greyharp's One Volume OD&D rules printed for the table, but I think a game like this works best if everyone has a copy of the rulebook(s). For future games, I'll print off some more. Lurp the Hobbit can't be revived by the scroll of _Raise Dead_ (it's Men, Elves, and Dwarves only). But they could be _Reincarnated_. Hobbits cannot enter Heaven and are trapped in the cycle of samsara. OD&D is not a difficult system to run by the book, but it does make you miss all the little houserules, modifications, and shared wisdom (or shared foolishness) that modern-ish OSR games include. Item-based problem solving was a highlight. Everyone agreed that mapping was tedious and slowed down the game without adding much of value. I tried to include several Gygaxian map tricks in this dungeon, but they didn't lead to interesting gameplay (at least compared to other types of gameplay). The mapper had to switch focus constantly, I had to remember to read out room sizes and try to describe entrance and exit locations, etc. For future sessions, I'll go back to my usual methods of revealing a pre-printed map. The entire session (including character generation and dinner) took 5 hours. I think that's a pretty decent pace of play, especially with two novice players.
11.11.2025 03:24 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0
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OSR: Treasure Curves & Generation Procedures Work continues on the Treasure Overhaul, and that means math. # Part 1: Gem and Jewellery Generation The book will include treasure tables, so I've spent quite a bit of time digging into their function, their challenges, and their deceptive math. Treasure Type A is bandit treasure. Sure, in AD&D it's also associated with the Lich, Locathah, Troglodytes, and the Giant Squid, but it is, in most system that include treasure tables, A is "the chest at the heart of the encampment" treasure. It's a useful point of comparison. We'll ignore coins and magic items for the time being. OD&D: 50% chance of 6x1d6 gems /  50% chance of 6x1d6 pieces of jewellery AD&D: 60% chance of 4x1d10 gems / 60% chance of 4x1d10 pieces of jewellery OSE:  50% chance of 6d6 gems /  50% chance of 6d6 pieces of jewellery* TO: 50% chance of 6d6 gems /  50% chance of 6d6 pieces of jewellery* *The average of 6d6 and 6x1d6 is the same: 21, but the distribution changes significantly. OSE's treasure results fall in the middle of a curve instead of spreading out. ---  Yanping Wang, Sand ## Gem Procedure I started with: For each gem or batch of 5 or 10 gems: **1d20** 1-4: 10gp 5-9: 50gp 10-14: 100gp 15-18: 500gp 19: 1,000gp 20: 5,000gp For each gem or batch with a roll of 15+, roll an additional d20. 1-16: No effect 17-19: x2 20: x10 This procedure _looks_ good. It passes the back-of-a-napkin math test. But it doesn't pass the complicated math test. When simulated, the results look like this: I've charted them alongside OD&D, AD&D, and OSE's gem results for Type A treasure.OSE has a small gem value table and no way to increase a rolled value. It's tidy, but it's flat. You can see that the _Treasure Overhaul'_ s results spike way higher than the reference systems. Around 15% of results are above 20,000. The general shape looks OK, and the lower end of the range lines up nicely, but it clearly needs some tweaks. After some guesswork and tests, the revised procedure looks like this: For each gem or batch of 5 or 10 gems: **1d20** 1-4: 10gp 5-9: 50gp 10-14: 100gp 15-18: 500gp 19: 1,000gp 20: **2,000gp ** For each result of 15+, roll an additional d20. 1-16: No effect 17-19: x2 20: **x3** Tweaking the top of the modifier table to x4 results in an overshot. I could fiddle around with the 19 and 20 results on the main table to get the perfect top-of-the-range match, but that pushes the centre of the curve away from OD&D and A&D. This method does not have a chance to produce extremely high-value gems, unlike OD&D/AD&D's recursive lottery, but it's a surprisingly close match, and it only requires 2 rolls (or one throw). Gem values are capped at 6,000gp, which is plenty for spell purposes (especially in a batch of 10), and the GM is free to combine gems. I wanted to keep 6 possible outcomes on the d20 table so that each outcome is associated with a different tier of stone, or with one emblematic D&D / spell component stone. | **TO Gems (Original)** | **TO Gems (Revised)** | **OD &D Gems A** | **AD &D Gems A** | **OSE Gems A** ---|---|---|---|---|--- **Average:** | 4,542gp | 3,405gp | 3,243gp | 3,765gp | 2,208gp >3x Avg: | 7% | 12% | 10% | 0% | 8% >2x Avg: | 11% | 17% | 14% | 17% | 24% # of Gems Avg | 10.5 | 10.5 | 10.5 | 15 | 10.5 Gem Avg. | 433gp | 324gp | 309gp | 251gp | 210gp This gem procedure is fairly elegant; you just roll 2 d20s at once and only reference the second one if the first is 15+. I even made the gem type/description tables d12s and d6s, so you can roll a d12 and a d6 in the same handful and get all the results you could possibly need at once, without interference. I could have used a d100 instead of one of the d20s, but testing confirmed that d100 rolls are annoying for batched results. --- Censer c.~1500 ## Jewellery Procedure As mentioned in my previous post, jewellery is the meat-and-potatoes of OD&D and AD&D treasure table results. I started with: For each gem or batch of 5 or 10 pieces of jewellery: **1d20** 1-5: 200x1d10gp 6-14: 500x1d10gp 15-20: 1000x1d10gp For each result of 15+, roll an additional d20. 1-16: No effect 17-19: x2 20: ~~x10~~ x3 I'd like to use the same modifier table for both Gems and Jewellery, the so table was adjusted accordingly. It turned out to be exactly what the Jewellery table required. I ran a few tests with tweaked values, but it turns out that the results are nearly perfect as-is, post gem revision. I'll continue to test this system, just in case the highest value needs to be tweaked from 1,000gp to 900gp, but so far the results are very encouraging. | **TO Jewellery A** | **OD &D A** | **AD &D A** | **OSE A** ---|---|---|---|--- Average: | 35,524gp | 32,858gp | 35,902gp | 9,342gp >3x Avg: | 10% | 9% | 10% | 4% >2x Avg: | 25% | 23% | 19% | 26% # of Pieces Avg | 10.5 | 10.5 | 13.2 | 10.5 gp/Piece Avg | 3,383gp | 3,129gp | 2,720gp | 8,90gp # Part 2: OD&D Treasure Comparisons Here's a comparison of all the major OD&D treasure types. 200 runs each. I wish OD&D named its treasure types instead of vaguely implying their function, but, thanks to this chart, some of the principles become more clear. Courtney Campbell broke down the AD&D charts here. Here's my take on OD&D. They're not as baffling they first seem. **A** is Men (non-nautical, non-desert) and Centaurs. It's a **Bandit Lair / Treasury**. **B** is Ghouls, Wights, Hydras, and Nixies. Things that kill adventurers by the dozen. It's **Loot / Burrow / Gullet** items. The magic items are "Weapon, Armour, or Misc. Weapon." Presumably they didn't work. **C**  is Gargoyles, Lycanthropes, Minotaurs, Pixies, Gnomes, and Ogres. Ogres add +1,000gp. It's **Pocket Change**. If it doesn't include jewellery (a 75% chance) it's basically worthless. **D** is Orcs, Hobgoblins, Gnolls, Trolls, Mummies, Cockatrices, Manticores, Purple Wurms, and Dryads. I'm calling this **Traders and Raider** s. Portable, practical wealth. **E** is Wraiths, Spectres, Gorgons, Wyverns, Elves, Griffons, and Giants. Giants add +5,000gp. It's **Better Pocket Change**. I'm not totally sold on this as a unique treasure type. More magic items than C, but otherwise, it's just C + gold pieces + better chances. **F** is Vampires, Basilisks, Meduae, and Chimeras. It is heavily jewellery-weighted, with 2-24 pieces. and the magic items stipulate "no weapons". This is **Glittering Trinkets**. Even an immortal vampire eventually gets tired of being stabbed by decorative mantlepiece swords. **G** is **Dwarves**. Gold and magic items. It's a **Dwarven Trove**. There's nothing else it could be. Gold, more gems than jewellery, and a good chance of magic items. You can clearly see the steps of the 1d4x10x1,000gp in the blue coin section. **H** is Dragons. It's a **Hoard**. Lots of everything, but (as previously discussed) more gems and jewellery than coins. **I  **is Rocs. It's **Shiny Things**. Jewellery and gems only; stuff a magpie the size of an elephant would loot. Some of the categories still don't make any sense to me. Why do Griffons get scrolls? Why aren't weapons scattered around a Basilisk, and why do Chimeras need all that jewellery? But despite a few oddities, these charts really helped me get a grip on OD&D's internal logic. AD&D is... another matter. ## Final Notes I hope this offers some insight into the rigorous (and peculiar) methods that are applied behind the scenes of the _Treasure Overhaul_. There are plenty of things that I'm happy to eyeball or write from scratch, but if I'm going to include treasure tables, I want them to be as sturdy as possible. EDIT: One potential reason why a lot of calculated average values for OD&D Treasure Type A (or conversions based on it) online and my values are so different might lie in the deceitful 6d6 vs 6x1d6 roll. 6d6 and 6x1d6 have the same average of 21... but think about the distribution. The chance of rolling a 36 on 6d6 is 0.2%. The chance of rolling 36 on 6x1d6 is 16.6%. And when we're talking about gems, where each gem can suddenly increase in value...
27.10.2025 09:16 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0
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OSR: Testing Treasure Tables & Treasure Values Treasure tables are, for better or worse, part of old-school RPGs. Since the intention is to make the Treasure Overhaul a very useful and broadly compatible book, it's important to understand the subtleties of historical treasure generation. The average treasure value of a given type is relatively easy to calculate. It's also deceptive. Averages are a good start, but if you only look at averages, you can easily miss the big picture. To make sure I understood the bones of OD&D and AD&D's famous treasure tables, I cobbled together a spreadsheet that runs through 100 at a time. No, you can't see it. It's _awful_. I'm reasonably confident it's correct, but it's not elegant. ## OD&D Treasure Type A1 --- Bars are cumulative. 200 trials. I ran many, many trials to confirm the general trends, but charts with 200 results are easier to read. ### **1. Null results** Around 8% of rolls for Type A1 result in 0gp. Around 20% result in less than 1,000gp. There's an argument to be made that unexpectedly high-value results (>150,000gp for A1) only feel "real" if there's a chance of unexpectedly low results. I'm still thinking this concept through. Take random encounter tables. Nobody insists that if a Random Encounter Table includes 3d6 level-draining PC-slaughtering Wights, it's only fair that it include 3d6 helpless Marshmallow Cuddlebugs. The low result isn't required to make the high result feel "worth it". There's usually a spread of results and deadliness, sure, but in OSR games, even a handful of Goblins can be dangerous. People would complain if a random encounter table was 10% empty. On the other hand, a random encounter table is only used some of the time. A treasure table is used every time (in theory). So a 0gp treasure is just moving the probabilities of a no-encounter roll to a different step. A 0gp result can also help with worldbuilding. When I rolled up my OD&D Hexcrawl (available on Patreon) I had a surprising number of 0gp results to explain. That's part of why I created the spreadsheet. I wanted to see if I was unlucky or incompetent. Turns out it was probably both. Hooray! ** --- Antonio J. Manzanedo ** ### **2. Gems and Jewellery** The structure of a treasure table, and cultural depictions of dragon hoards, suggests coins are important while gems and jewellery are accessories. The results (and plenty of documented wisdom) shows that this isn't true. Coins are a consolation prize. Gems are a lottery ticket that _could_  boost a small treasure into an enormous one. But the meat-and-potatoes of the OD&D treasure table is jewellery. --- Taken from Greyharp's Single Volume Edition. Treasure Type A1 has a 50% chance of including 3d6 pieces of jewellery. If the treasure includes jewellery, it's all but guaranteed it will dominate the result. You can see the cutoff on the chart. To match the usual at-table procedure, the sheet rolls jewellery and gem values in batches of 10. E.g. if I rolled a 36 on 6x1d6, I'd roll for 10, 10, 10, and 6 gem values. All you need is one batch of 10 hit 10x1,000gp and you've got 100,000gp. To put it another way, for Treasure Type A1, if you roll Jewellery, you get a minimum of 6 pieces. At the minimum value of 300gp per piece, that's 1,800gp. That's worth more than the _maximum  _roll for Copper and Silver coins. The jewellery table is the driving value behind treasure in OD&D. You could leave coins out entirely and barely notice. --- Values of each type of treasure, separated. 500 trials. ### 3. The Gem Lottery In OD&D, gems have a base value based on a 1d100 roll, and then a 1-in-6 chance to upgrade to the next highest value (or a list of higher values that can't be initially rolled), up to the incredibly unlikely 500,000gp. Gems are the lottery tickets of the OD&D treasure table. But "standard" upgrade, of 10x 1,000gp gems to 10x 5,000gp gems or 10x 10,000gp gems still only puts the Gem results in the midrange of Jewellery results. You can see that on the chart. There are a few results where Gems form the bulk of the treasure, but the solid and consistent mass of Treasure Type A's value comes from Jewellery. ### 4. Average Value Check Just to make sure I'm not totally crazy, let's run through some basic averages for OD&D jewellery. **OD &D Jewellery (Type A1) Average Calculation** --- **Roll** | **Value** | **Value** | **Rate** | **Product** 20 | (3d6x1000) | 1050 | 0.2 | 210 80 | (1d6x1000) | 3500 | 0.6 | 2100 100 | (1d10x1000) | 5500 | 0.2 | 1100 | | Average Per Piece | | | | 3410 | | Average Pieces Per Type A1 | | | (6x1d6) | 21 | | Average Per Type A1 | | | | 71,610 My Calculations (500 runs) | Rate | 0.5 | **36,358** | | Average | **35,805** That's pretty darn close, and it matches the values found by others. But this does suggest that Delta's famous XP/GP tables are incorrect, at least for OD&D (if I'm reading them correctly). ## OD&D Treasure Type H --- Bars are cumulative. 200 trials. Ah, the classic Hoard. In A1, Gems and Jewellery have same number of pieces (6x1d6). In H, Gems have 1d100 pieces, while Jewellery has 1d4x10 pieces. This provides more-or-less the same jewellery values, with the added boost of a high gem roll giving a higher chance upgrading gem values. In A1, there are at most 4 "batches" that can be upgraded. In H, there are up to 10. It's interesting that the top ~20% of Type A1 is above 100,000gp, while ~30% of Type H is above 100,000. Type H _feels_  larger, with its 1d100 gems and 6x1d10x1,000gp, but in practice it's all jewellery-dominated. A has a 50% chance of 6x1d6 pieces; H has a 50% chance of 1d4x10 pieces. The difference between 6x1d6 and 4x1d10 is not terribly significant. Dragons, the standard hoarding creatures in OD&D, do have a built-in age-related multiplier. "Very Young and Young Dragons are unlikely to have acquired treasure. Sub-Adult Dragons will have about half the indicated treasure for Dragons. Very Old Dragons can have as much as twice the indicated amount." ## AD&D Treasure Type A In AD&D, Treasure Type A is used for for the Lich, Locathah, Men (Bandits), Troglodytes, and the Squid Giant... for some reason. It's a mixed bag. --- Bars are cumulative. 200 trials. As usual, AD&D's procedure is OD&D + a layer of complexity. I did not implement the stone increase/decrease base value table. It's more complicated than OD&D's. I looked at it, and I tested out a few worst-case scenarios, but it's a horrible and recursive thing and I just can't be bothered. It provides for a runaway doubling of gem value (as in OD&D) but it's _so  _hard to implement cleanly (with my very limited skillset, at least). As my grandfather said, just before his homemade self-driving car took him over a cliff, there are times when you should code things properly and times when nested IF statements are good enough. Jewellery in AD&D also has a runaway increase. If the piece has gems (on a 51+), roll 1d8. On a 1, add 5,000gp and roll 1d6. If that's a 1, double it to 10,000gp and repeat, to a maximum of +640,000gp. There's a craftsmanship value adjustment step which I didn't implement. The point is to confirm that, in AD&D as well as OD&D, the "average" treasure value doesn't tell the whole story. Jewellery dominates the chart. ## Final Notes Treasure tables are fun. They are also very difficult to implement with at-table utility in mind. For a pre-generated dungeon, where the GM can sit back, roll, and type things into a calculator, they work just fine. But at the table, with the pressure of game flow bearing down on them, and the added pressure of fast math, they're a slog. I've also created a small OD&D hexcrawl and 3-level standard dungeon. They're available on Patreon. I sometimes post previews of the Treasure Overhaul on Bluesky.
26.10.2025 06:17 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0
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Pulp: Adventure Location: Trindade & Martim Vaz History is fractally interesting. Start examine any event, or following any citation, and interesting facts emerge. But some places, for whatever reason, seem to attract a disproportionate level of interesting events. --- wikipedia [ Trindade ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trindade_and_Martim_Vaz)is a small volcanic island in the middle of the south Atlantic. 700 miles off the coast of Brazil, and more than 1,200 miles from Ascension Island (itself a tiny volcanic dot in the sea). The island is around 3.5 miles long and 1.5 miles wide. Despite being a speck of land in the middle of nowhere (or possibly because if it), Trindade has a very high density of RPG-relevant plot seeds. Feel free to jump ahead to section 7. It's where the real _Call of Cthulhu_ stuff starts. The rest is useful, but but section 7 is why this article exists. ## 1. Summary Here's an official overview of the island, from the South Atlantic Directory via E.F. Knight _'s,The Cruise of the Falcon._ > Trinidad is surrounded by sharp, rugged coral rocks, with an almost continual surge breaking on every part, which renders landing often precarious, and watering frequently impracticable, nor is there a possibility of rendering either certain, for the surf is often incredibly great, and has been seen during a gale at S.W., to break over a bluff which is 200 feet high. > > Captain Edmund Halley, afterwards Dr. Halley, Astronomer Royal, landed on this island, the 17th of April, 1700, and put on it some goats and hogs, and also a pair of guinea fowl, which he carried from St. Helena. 'I took,' says his journal, ' possession of the island in his majesty's name, as knowing it to be granted by the king's letters patent, leaving the Union Jack flying.' > > > When the English went to Trinidad in 1781, in order to ascertain whether a settlement was practicable there, they did not find it answer their expectations. > > The American commander, Amaso Delano, visited Trinidad in 1803, and he, again, describes it as mostly barren, rough pile of rocky mountains. What soil there is on the island he found on the eastern side, where are several sand beaches, above one of which the Portuguese had a settlement. > > This settlement was directly above the most northerly sand-beach on the east side of the island, and has the best stream of water on the island running through it. > Delano got his water o£f the south side of the island. Here a stream falls in a cascade over rocks some way up the mountains, so that it can be seen from a boat when passing it. After you have discovered the stream, you can land on a point of rocks just to the westward of the watering-place, and from thence may walk past it, and when a little to the eastward, there is a small cove among the rocks where you mav float your casks off. Wood may be cut on the mountain just above the first landing-place, and you may take it off if you have a small oak boat. > > --- > Knight, _The Cruise of the Alerte._ ## 2. The Astronomer: Sir Edmund Halley, 1700 > Whilest the Long Boate brought more Water on Board I went a Shore and put Some Goats and Hoggs on the Island for breed, as also a pair of Guiney Hens I carry’d from St. Helena. > > -Edmund Halley's log for April 17th, 1700, as quoted on _Halleys Log_ _._ From a modern ecological perspective, landing "Goats and Hoggs" on an isolated tropical island is _slightly_ better than detonating a thermonuclear warhead on it, but only slightly. But in 1700, ecological preservation was not an issue. Halley lived closer to witch-burnings (1727) than to Charles Darwin. Scurvy, which killed between 20% and 50% of sailors on long voyages (though digging into the source of that number leads to some dubious math), was an issue; the only known cure was fresh food. Rats and cats may have already been present, deposited by prior visitors or shipwrecks. ### Plot Seeds for 1700 -Edmund Halley has some tentative ideas on the cyclical nature of comets, and the cyclical nature of the world. The impact of a comet could, by Halley's estimation, churn the world's surface, extinguishing all life and human civilization, which God, in his wisdom, would then renew. Genesis, and biblical history, starts with a comet impact. What happened before is unrecorded. This may explain certain oddities about the age of the solar system, erosion, nutrient depletion, rock formations, etc. It explains why Hudson's Bay is colder than its equivalent latitude in Europe; it's the icy residue of the former North Pole, but the Earth was knocked off its old axis by the last impact. Halley though the most recent impact site was the Caspian Sea, with its crater-like southern basin. Trindade isn't on the opposite side of the world (that'd be too convenient), but Halley expected rings of waves to travel around the world, smashing into each other, burying sea life under newly raised mountains (to produce fossils). A ridge of mountains in the sea, like the Trindade, could validate that theory. A few heretical fragments of an ante-antediluvian civilization could, in theory, be present in such a place. What technological heights did the last people (if they _were_ people) attain, before all Creation returned to Chaos? -Halley also proposed that the Earth is hollow (ish), although his hypothesis is closer to an "iron core inside a molten shell" than "caverns full of mushrooms and dinosaurs." But it's still a hollow earth proposal, and if your players don't check their references carefully, it'd be easy to pick out a few quotes, put an entrance in Trindade, and set the players on a fun Verne-style adventure. -Halley invented an early diving bell, capable of reaching depths up to 20m. Using one near Trindade seems like drowning with extra steps, but a secret 18th-century submarine project could be useful for a secret history game. Sinking Spanish and Portuguese ships in a deniable way, looting undersea treasures, etc. --- Fernando Faciole, _Discover Wildlife_ ## 3. The Survivors: The Wreck of the _Rattlesnake_ , 1781 > HMS _Rattlesnake_ , a 198-ton, 12-gun cutter-rigged sloop, was wrecked on Trindade on 21 October 1781, shortly after Commander Philippe d'Auvergne had taken over command. _Rattlesnake_ had been ordered to survey the island to ascertain whether it would make a useful base for outward-bound Indiamen. She anchored, but that evening the wind increased and by seven o’clock she was dragging. Two hours later the first cable parted and Commander d’Auvergne club-hauled his way out, setting main and fore sails, and using the remaining anchor cable as a spring. This successfully put _Rattlesnake_ ’s head to seaward. The remaining cable was then cut, and the sloop wore round and stood out to sea. However the ground now shallowed quite rapidly and suddenly _Rattlesnake_ struck a submerged rock. She started filling with water, so, in order to preserve the lives of the crew, d'Auvergne ran her ashore. Commodore Johnstone on board HMS _Jupiter_ had previously wished to colonise the island and claim it for Britain, so d'Auvergne agreed to stay on the tiny island with 30 sailors, 20 captured French sailors, one French woman, some animals and supplies. They were resupplied by another ship in January 1782, then they appear to have been forgotten, as they lived on the tiny island for a year until HMS _Bristol_ and a convoy of Indiamen, which fortuitously called there, rescued them in late December 1782. > > -Wikipedia This seems like an extraordinary story, but there's not much info available online. I've ordered a copy of the wiki article's main source (_In the English Service: The Life of Philippe D'Auvergne_ by Jane Ashelford), and I'll update this article when it arrives (or when I can track down other sources). I have so many questions. Some of them are not pleasant. That anyone, let alone such a heterogenous crew, could survive fourteen months on Trindade is remarkable. As we'll see, it can't have been easy. Halley's hogs and goats don't seem to feature in the accounts I've found so far. ### Plot Seeds for 1781 -Your boss has marooned you, thirty sailors, twenty French sailors, and one French woman on a volcanic island. -As above, but after surviving and returning to civilization, you may feel the need to seek poetic revenge. ## 4. The Sea-Captain: Amasa Delano, 1803 The account of Amasa Delano is utilitarian to the point of brusqueness. He reports "plenty of goats and hogs", which could be survivors of Halley's expedition or new arrivals left by Portuguese settlers. The island's trees seem to be alive in 1803, but, as we'll see, they don't last long. ### Plot Seeds for 1803 -Trindade's natural hazards probably ended initial Portuguese settlement attempts in the early 19th century, but the abandoned houses, paths, and fields provide an eerie setting. In a fictional alternative version, it looks like the settlers died of starvation and were stripped to the bone by land crabs where they fell... but who carried off the skulls, and why? And why do the storms on the island have lightning without thunder? You didn't notice it at first, between the waves and the rain... ## 5. The Explorer: James Clark Ross, 1839  The Ross Antarctic Expedition briefly stopped on Trindade on its way south. > As a magnetic station, our observations here were utterly valueless, but the results may be useful by pointing out, in a striking manner, the great amount of error to which those made on shore are liable. Three dipping needles placed at only just sufficient distance apart to ensure their not influencing each other, indicated as much as three degrees difference of the dip, and all of them considerably less than that corresponding to the geographical position. To as large an amount also were the observations of variation vitiated by the local disturbing magnetic influence, whilst those taken on board our ships were perfectly free from these errors. > > Horsburgh mentions that the island abounds with wild pigs and goats; one of the latter was seen. With the view to add somewhat to the stock of useful creatures, a cock and two hens were put on shore; they seemed greatly to enjoy the change and, I have no doubt, in so unfrequented a situation, and so delightful a climate, will quickly increase in numbers. > -_Voyage to the Southern Seas_ , James Clark Ross. ### Plot Seeds for 1839 -The minor magnetic deviation reported by Ross is entirely normal and explicable. Your players don't necessarily know that. Quoted out of context, this could be an interesting fact (or a red herring) for any expeditions to the island to discover with a Library Use roll. -You and your fellow PCs are chickens, released into a strange and hostile world. ## 6. The Pirate: The CSS _Georgia_, 1863 As I said in the introduction, Trindade is fractally interesting. I discovered this visit while researching section 9. > A highly interesting communication about Trinidad has been received at the Bureau of American Republics from Mr. J. M. Morgan, who, during the late war, was a lieutenant in the Confederate Navy, and during the former Cleveland administration was United States Consul-general at Melbourne, Australia. Mr. Morgan, who had been written to on the subject of the ownership of Trinidad by Mr. H. H. Marmaduke of the Bureau of American Republics, says in answering: > > >> "In reply to your inquiry concerning the Island of Trinidad, the title of which is now in dispute by Great Britain and Brazil, I would state that it does not belong to either of them. Strange as it may appear, the title legally rests with the United States, as the residuary legatee of the late Southern Confederacy. > > In the summer of 1863, was a midshipman on board of the S.C. cruiser _Georgia_ , then lying in the harbor of Bahia, Brazil, in company with the _Alabama_. Capt. Semmes decided to cruise o the southward of Rio Janeiro, and thence to the cape of Good Hope while the _Georgia_ was to follow as far south as Rio and then proceed to the island of Trinidad for coal, our collier having been ordered there, and also for the purpose of making a digression in favor of the Alabama. >> >> The Island of Trinidad is a very picturesque spot. It is six miles in circumference and 800 feet high. Alongside of it, at the eastern end, and helping to form the little harbor, is the ‘Monument,' which is some 250 feet in diameter and rises out of the sea to a height of 1,200 feet. Here the _Georgia_ lay for some six weeks. Vessels, after rounding the Cape of Good Hope, or Cape Horn, endeavor to sight Trinidad for the purpose of seeing if their chronometers are all right, and then mark their courses for New York or Liverpool , and while we lay in this cove, or harbour, we ‘brought to’ many merchant vessels. The first intimation they would have that a Confederate cruiser was in the neighborhood would be a shot skipping across their bows. Here it was that we captured and burned in the harbor the ship _Constitution_ of Boston, and also captured and bonded the _City of Bath_ , of Bath, Me. >> >> Trinidad is an ideal coaling station for commerce destroyers or a naval station for the protection of commerce. It is habitable, although not inhabited. When the _Georgia_ took possession, a few wild hogs and millions of sea fowl were the only living things to be seen. >> >> Trinidad could be easier defended than Gibraltar, and is naturally a stronger position. In certain winds the waves, with the full sweep of the Atlantic, strike the island and send the spray some 300 or 400 feet into the air. The sight beggars description. At the time the _Georgia_ took possession and made it a Confederate coaling station the island of Trinidad was not claimed by any nation. Had it been so, Capt. Maury was much too careful a commander to have broken the neutrality laws by taking prizes in there, coaling ship without permission, and ‘heaving to’ neutral ships as he lay at anchor in the harbor." > -The Pilot, Aug 17th, 1895 ### Plot Seeds for 1863 -The film _Sahara_ (2005) is by no means good, but the core idea - a secret Confederate gold shipment in a preposterous location - could easily work on Trindade. -Trindade could also work as a bastion of the Confederate cause long after the war ends. A few crazed die-hards and a wrecked ship could interfere with treasure-hunting schemes. --- Flavio Forner, National Geographic ## 7. The Treasure-Hunter: E.F. Knight, 1881 Edward Frederick Knight had an extraordinary life. In 1880, he sailed up and down South America in a 30-ton 42'-long yacht. His book, _The Cruise of the 'Falcon'_, contains the most poetic and unsettling description of Trindade. _This_ is the text to give your _Call of Cthulhu_ or _Delta Green_ group. The book went through several printings in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, so finding a suitably foxed copy to hand to your players is trivial. > When my men heard of my intention of sailing to this lone island of the South Atlantic, they expressed great delight, especially when they learnt that pigs and goats were reported to be its sole inhabitants. On this, the 23rd of November [1881], being our ninth day out, Trinidad was about 1000 miles to the north-east of us. > > [...] > > This savage spot afforded a good specimen of the nature of the island. Utterly barren mountains rose from a coral beach, mountains that were rotten — and the whole island is so — burnt and shaken to pieces by the fires and earthquakes of volcanic action. > > What struck us as remarkable was, that though in this cove there was no live vegetation of any kind, there were traces of an abundant extinct vegetation. The mountain slopes were thickly covered with dead wood, wood, too, that had evidently long since been dead; some of these leafless trunks were prostrate, some still stood up as they had grown; many had evidently been trees of considerable size, bigger round than a man's body. They were rotten, brittle, and dry, and made glorious fuel. This wood was close grained, of a red colour, and much twisted. When we afterwards discovered that over the whole of this extensive island, from the beach up to the summit of the highest mountain — at the bottom and on the slopes of every now barren ravine, on whose loose rolling stones no vegetation could possibly take root — these dead trees were strewed as closely as is possible for trees to grow ; and when we further perceived that they all seemed to have died at one and the same time, as if plague-struck, and that no one single live specimen young or old was to be found anywhere, — our amazement was increased. > > At one time Trinidad must have been one magnificent forest, presenting to passing vessels a far different appearance to that it now does with its inhospitable and barren crags. The descriptions given in the Directory allude to these forests; therefore, whatever catastrophe it may have been that killed off all the vegetation of the island, it must have occurred within the memory of man. I don't mind telling you that, while researching this article chronologically, this text gave me a proper chill. Land-crabs and seabirds are adorable when seen with modern eyes, but something about a dead forest, with every tree withered at the same time, on a deserted island of volcanic stone, filled me with genuine creeping dread. > We slowly toiled up the ravine, and wearisome work it was; sometimes on one side, sometimes on the other, of the watercourse, at times floundering through it, according as one or the other offered the safest and easiest route. The ascent was steeper than we had anticipated, and great rocks fallen from above offered constant obstructions. The dead trunks of trees everywhere crossed the stream. Of vegetation there was at first none but a wiry long grass which covered the soil, wherever there was any. But after we had ascended a considerable distance we came across those beautiful products of the tropics, the tree-ferns. > > At first, of small growth, they filled up the hollow of the stream only, having exactly the appearance of our common English fern, but higher up we found them extending their fan-like masses of vivid-green leaves from the summits of lofty trunks. > > At last we reached the summit of the ravine and were on the Col, for such it was, a gentle depression between two mountains, and here found ourselves in the midst of a very different nature, and enjoyed the loveliness of a scene such as we little guessed stern Trinidad concealed within its encircling wall of wild crags. For now we saw no rocks, we were walking on a soil powdery and soft and dry, into which our feet sank. The mountain that rose above us on our left was a gentle dome of similar soil ; and all. was covered with a rich and beautiful vegetation. We were walking through a dense grove of tree-ferns, whose branches meeting overhead, like cathedral aisles, allowed but a subdued light to fall on the soft floor below, where millions of land-crabs crawled about ; for these hideous beasts, swarm on this island even to the mountain-tops. Other life there was none, not even insect. > > A gentle breeze blew over the Col from the windward side of the island, very grateful to us after our ascent of the hot, windless ravine. The scene, with its fresh green, seemed very beautiful to us at the time, as beautiful as anything we had ever seen. But after a month on the barren sea, and after the contrast of the dreary coast-scenery beneath us, any vegetation could not but seem very beautiful. > > On the summit of the mountain there appeared to be some other tree growing with a darker foliage, but we left the inspection of this for our return journey, for we wished without delay to descend to the windward side of the island, which seemed to hold out a magic attraction for us. > > [...] > > Certainly the whole nature, live or dead, of this lonely island has something uncanny about it that dismays and appalls the imagination. This ravine, with its black rocks, varied occasionally by red volcanic debris, its strange vegetation of dead trees throwing out their skeleton arms, and its inhabitants savage, foul birds, and the still more offensive-looking land-crabs, struck us as having a particularly ghastly and spirit-depressing appearance. Among such scenery one felt as if anything horrible might happen at any moment, and a vague feeling of insecurity seized the mind. > > [...] > > We wandered on, opening out bay after bay for some hours, till on traversing a rocky promontory we came to an extensive gulf, backed on its further side by the huge mass of Sugar-loaf mountain; great walls of rock surrounded it, and altogether it was as inhospitable-looking a place as shipwrecked sailor was ever cast on. Now all the shore of this gulf was strewed with wreckage. Along the whole of this windward coast we had perceived many spars, barrels, timbers, and other remains of vessels, but here they were in much larger quantity than elsewhere, so we named this dreary spot Wreck Bay. From its position in the region of the south-east trade-winds a vast amount of drift and many derelict vessels must of a necessity be driven on to the windward coast of Trinidad, and indeed there was a marvellous accumulation. Judging from its appearance some of - this timber must have lain here for hundreds of years, and doubtlessly this beach preserves naval remains of every age since first vessels doubled the Cape of Good Hope. Apart from masts, barrels, and other driftage, we observed that more than one vessel, derelict doubtlessly, had been driven bodily on to the island, for we frequently saw two circular rows of ribs rising from the sand, with the corroded bolts sticking in them here and there, showing where the frame of some fine old ship lay buried. > > What struck me as remarkable was that some of this wreckage had been cast up a great distance above what I judged to be high-water mark. Far up, jammed between two rocks, I perceived a huge iron beam that must have weighed many tons. > Again, this island is tailor-made for RPG adventures. > For some reason or other all hands were more or less ill on leaving Trinidad ; I was myself suffering from symptoms of malaria, which had been troubling me for some time, and which the recent fatigues I had gone through had much aggravated, so that I was debilitated and worn with fever, and almost unfit to work at all. The crew were no better. What was the matter with them, I could not pretend to say, for they had visited no malarious regions. I suspect that some of the fish we had caught and eaten were unwholesome, and we certainly had been indulging for some days on an exclusively fish diet. ### Plot Seeds for 1881 -You've been shipwrecked on this horrible rock in the middle of the South Atlantic. There's just enough timber to build a raft and try to sail the 700 miles to Brazil. It's an old plot, but it checks out. -There's a disease on Trindade. The crew of the _Falcon_ were lucky to make it out alive... and unchanged. -This is not a place of honour. How obvious do the Atlantean physical markers need to be to stop people from digging up their nuclear waste? --- Artist's rendering of Shackletons's apocryphal ad. ## 8. The Treasure-Hunter Returns: E.F. Knight, 1889 Eight years later, Knight decided to return to Trindade. He'd heard a rumour of buried treasure, considered it plausible, recruited a crew, and set off to search for it. Six months of treasure-hunting, on an island implacably hostile to human life. [_The Cruise of the 'Alerte'_ ](https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/38891 )is a genuine adventure. This journey is less interesting, for our purposes, than his first impressions, but the whole text is worth a read. Knight and his crew took constant casual risks. Life was simpler then, and, if you trusted people a whisker less competent than E.F. Knight, shorter too. > 'Captain P—— took a liking to him, and showed him kindness on various occasions. This man was attacked by dysentery on the voyage from China to Bombay, and by the time the vessel reached Bombay he was so ill, in spite of the captain's nursing, that he had to be taken to the hospital. He gradually sank, and when he found that he was dying, he told Captain P——, who frequently visited him at the hospital, that he felt very grateful for the kind treatment he had received at his captain's hands, and that he would prove his gratitude by revealing a secret to him that might make him one of the richest men in England. Captain P—— says that he appeared very uneasy about this secret, and insisted on the door of the ward being closed, so that there might be no listeners. He then asked Captain P—— to go to his chest and take out from it a parcel. The parcel contained a piece of old tarpaulin with a plan of the island of Trinidad on it. > > 'The man gave him this plan, and told him that at the place indicated on it—that is, under the mountain known as the Sugarloaf—there was an immense treasure buried, consisting principally of gold and silver plate and ornaments, the plunder of Peruvian churches which certain pirates had concealed there in the year 1821. Much of this plate, he said, came from the cathedral of Lima, having been carried away from there during the war of independence when the Spaniards were escaping the country, and that among other riches there were several massive golden candlesticks. The story is, as Knight points out, a stereotypical example, but he apparently believed enough to return to Trindade. > As the stores would put down the vessel a good deal, we took out of her a corresponding weight of ballast—about eight tons. Two tiers of lead were removed from under the saloon floor, and in the space thus gained we stowed the greater part of our tools. Among these was a complete set of boring apparatus constructed for us by Messrs. Tilley, by means of which we should be enabled to explore through earth and rock to the depth of fifty feet. We also carried a Tangye's hydraulic jack, capable of lifting twelve tons, which we found of service when large rocks had to be removed from the trenches. Shovels, picks, crowbars, iron wheel-barrows, carpenters' and other tools; a portable forge and anvil, dogs and other materials for timbering a shaft if necessary, and a variety of other useful implements were on board. We took with us two of Messrs. Piggot's large emigrant tents, wire-fencing with which to surround our camp and so keep off the land-crabs, a few gardener's tools and seeds of quick-growing vegetables for the kitchen-garden which we intended to plant on the island—a horticultural scheme which never came off in consequence of the want of water—taxidermic gear with view to the rare sea-birds that breed on the island, medical stores and surgical instruments, fishing-tackle; and, in short, we were well-equipped with all needful things, a full inventory of which would nearly fill this book. > > Neither did we omit the precaution of arming ourselves in case any one should choose to molest us, a not altogether improbable event; for there was a talk of rival expeditions starting for the island at the very time we were fitting out; our plans had been fully discussed in the newspapers, despite our attempt to keep secret our destination at least; and I called to mind the Yankee vessel that had endeavoured to anticipate the 'Aurea.' Should some such vessel appear on the scene just as we had come across the treasure, it would be well for us to be prepared to defend it. > > Each man, therefore, was provided with a Colt's repeating-rifle, and in addition to these there were other rifles and several revolvers on board, and no lack of ammunition for every weapon. The Duke ofSutherland kindly lent us one of Bland's double-barrelled whaling-guns, which was carried on his Grace's yacht, the 'Sans Peur,' during her foreign cruises. This was a quick firing and formidable weapon, discharging steel shot, grape, shell, and harpoons, and capable of sending to the bottom any wooden vessel. I think the sight of it inspired some of my crew with ideas almost piratical. I have heard them express the opinion that it was a shame to have such a gun lying idle on board, and that an opportunity ought to be found of testing its powers. The proper adventuring mindset: an extensive inventory and ludicrous firepower. > We knew that the Portuguese had laid claim to Trinidad something like two hundred years ago, and it was possible that the Brazilians, as successors to the Portuguese in this quarter of the globe, might consider the island as their own, and assert their right to any valuables we might find upon it. I need scarcely say that I had made up my mind, should we find the treasure, to sail directly to some British port. I would not trust myself in any country of the Spanish or Portuguese; for once in their clutches we should in all probability lose all the results of our labour. The Roman Catholic Church of Spain or Lima might, with a fair show of right, demand the treasure as her own; so might the Governments of Peru, Chile, Brazil, Spain, or Portugal. But if we could once secure it, get it safely home, and divide it, it would be exceedingly difficult for any one to establish a better right to it than we could—for should we not have the right of possession, with nine-tenths of the law on our side? Don't count your chickens before they're hatched, but be prepared to start a war to defend them. > It would, of course, have been very pleasant for me to have selected my volunteers from among my own friends, especially those who had been at sea with me before; but this I found to be impossible, at any rate at such short notice. I knew dozens of men who would have liked nothing better than to have joined me, but all were engaged in some profession or other which it would have been folly to have neglected for so problematic a gain. The type of man who is willing to toil hard, endure discomfort and peril, and abandon every luxury for nine months on the remote chance of discovering treasure, and is, moreover, willing to pay 100 _l._ for the privileges of doing so, is not to be found easily, either in the professional or wealthy classes. > > There are, doubtless, thousands of Englishmen willing to embark on a venture of this description, but it is obvious that there is a likelihood of a fair percentage of these volunteers being adventurers in the unfavourable sense of the term—men anxious to get away from England for reasons not creditable to themselves, men, too, of the rolling-stone description and more or less worthless in a variety of ways, and who would be more likely than the paid sailors to wax discontented and foment mutiny. I realised that the selection of my men should be made with great care. > > Of volunteers I had no lack. An article in the _St. James's Gazette_ describing my project brought me applications to join from something like 150 men. > > Some of the letters I received were great curiosities in their way, and would cause much amusement could I publish them. I interviewed some sixty of the applicants, and this was certainly far the most arduous and difficult work connected with the undertaking, so far as I was concerned. I shall never forget how weary I became of the repetition to each fresh visitor of the conditions and object of the voyage, and with what dread I looked forward to my visits to the little club at which these interviews were held. It's straight out of _Treasure Island_ or some other adventure story. A proper rogue's gallery of the inexperienced, enthusiastic, and treasure-mad. > As we neared [Trindade], the features of this extraordinary place could gradually be distinguished. The north side, that which faced us, is the most barren and desolate portion of the island, and appears to be utterly inaccessible. Here the mountains rise sheer from the boiling surf—fantastically shaped of volcanic rock; cloven by frightful ravines; lowering in perpendicular precipices; in places over-hanging threateningly, and, where the mountains have been shaken to pieces by the fires and earthquakes of volcanic action, huge landslips slope steeply into the yawning ravines—landslips of black and red volcanic _débris_ , and loose rocks large as houses, ready on the slightest disturbance to roll down, crashing, into the abysses below. On the summit of the island there floats almost constantly, even on the clearest day, a wreath of dense vapour, never still, but rolling and twisting into strange shapes as the wind eddies among the crags. And above this cloud-wreath rise mighty pinnacles of coal-black rock, like the spires of some gigantic Gothic cathedral piercing the blue southern sky. > > [...] > > My companions had expected, from what I had told them, to find this islet a strange, uncanny place, barren, torn by volcanic action and generally forbidding, and now they gazed at the shore with amazement, and confessed that my description of its scenery was anything but exaggerated. It would be impossible to convey in words a just idea of the mystery of Trinidad. The very colouring seems unearthly—in places dismal black, and in others the fire-consumed crags are of strange metallic hues, vermilion red and copper yellow. When one lands on its shores this uncanny impression is enhanced. It bears all the appearance of being an accursed spot, whereupon no creatures can live, save the hideous land-crabs and foul and cruel sea-birds. This description is similar to Knight's first visit, but it's worth repeating. Trindade is a strange, unearthly place. > While we were discussing things, there suddenly came a violent thumping on the deck above us, and from the shouts and laughter of the men we knew that something exciting was going on; so we went up the companion-ladder to see what the fun might be. We found that a fair-sized shark was tumbling about the deck in very active fashion, while Ted was dodging him, knife in hand, ready to give him his _coup de grâce_. Our sportsman had got his lines out as soon as all had been made snug on deck, but his sport for the first hour consisted of nothing but sharks, of which he caught several. After this he had better luck and was able to supply the cook with fish enough for dinner and breakfast for all hands. > > The sea round Trinidad swarms with fish; but, for some reason, though we got as many as we required, they were not to be so readily caught now as at the time of my first visit; for then we hauled them in as fast as we could drop our hooks in the water. > > There are various species of edible fish here—among others, dolphins, rock-cod, hind-fish, black-fish, and pig-fish. None of these hot-water-fish are to be compared in flavour to those of Europe, and we found that the sharks were the least insipid of the lot; stewed shark and onions is not a dish to be despised. ### Plot Seeds for 1889 -Journalist and gentleman-adventurer Edward Frederick Knight has put an ad in the papers, recruiting crew for a treasure-hunting expedition. Are you willing to put up £100 (around £16,000 in 2025) for a share of a treasure worth millions? Are you willing to sail to the ends of the earth, dig in arid conditions, endure awful food, thirst, land-crabs, foreigners, and fevers? No experience with sailing or exploration is required. -It's a race. Knight was right to worry about a rival crew turning up, but luckily, your crew has a different idea of where to dig. When your works are sabotaged, it's only natural to blame the only other humans for hundreds of miles. Will you take revenge? Who'd believe a third faction at work? Land-crabs aren't organized. They can't crush a man's head with a falling boulder or cut the pipes of a salt-water distillery.  -Some slow poison seems to be affecting the island. Is it merely human interaction? Was the abundance of fish on the first visit due to nutrient-rich runoff from the dying forest, or did overfishing, coral-reef anchoring cause the decline? It can't be merely seasonal variation; the dates overlap. What strange metal or curious relic was buried with the pirate's hoard? --- Just look at those contour lines. ## 9. The Prince: James Harden-Hickey, 1893 After the Portuguese, British, Brazilian, and assorted other claimants had come and gone, in 1893, minor celebrity James Harden-Hickey claimed Trindade for... himself, creating the Principality of Trinidad. > BARON HARDEN-HICKEY, who claims proprietorship of the island of Trinidad, is a travelled French gentleman, of Irish extraction, who married a daughter of Mr. H M. Flagler, the Standard Oil magnate. The baron thought, as no one else seemed to care for the island, be would take it, organize an absolute monarchy, and send a colony down there. > -_The Pilot_ , Aug 17th, 1895 > On Sunday, Nov. 5, 1893, the _New York_ _Tribune_ gave him front-page publicity with an exclusive story on his scheme to transform Trinidad into an independent country. Harden-Hickey argued that "…the inland plateaus are rich with luxuriant vegetation… The surrounding seas swarm with fish… Dolphins, rock-cod, pigfish, and blackfish may be caught as quickly as they can be hauled out…the exportation of guano alone should make my little country prosperous…" > > Harden-Hickey’s announcement did not precipitate a world crisis. In January 1894 [sic], when he proclaimed himself James I, Prince of Trinidad, some nations even recognized him. One reporter interviewed his father-in-law, who seemed surprisingly tolerant of the adventure. He said, "My son-in-law is a very determined man… Had he consulted me about this, I would have been glad to have aided him with money or advice... But my son-in-law means to carry on this Trinidad scheme, and he will." > > The Prince announced that Trinidad would be a military dictatorship. Its flag would be a yellow triangle on a red ground. He began selling bonds for 1000 francs or $200, announcing that anyone purchasing 10 of them was entitled to a free passage to the island. In San Francisco, Harden-Hickey purchased a schooner to transport colonists and ferry supplies and mail between Trinidad and Brazil. He hired an agent to negotiate the construction of docks, wharves and houses. He also contracted for Chinese coolies to provide an instant proletariat. On Dec. 8, 1893, he instituted the Order of Trinidad, an order of chivalry in four classes to reward distinction in literature, the arts and the sciences. He then commissioned a firm of jewelers to make a golden crown and issued a set of multicolored postage stamps. > -William Bryk, NY Press (for a more complete article, see here) The ship and labourers never left the harbour. The scheme slowly imploded, along with Harden-Hickey's mental health. ### Plot Seeds for 1893 -While Harden-Hickey's scheme is laughable in practice, it has a glimmer of potential legality. Possession is nine tenths of the law though. Every prince needs an evil vizier. All you need to do is keep his most serene highness on track, pay a few bills, and you can literally live like kings. -There are relatively few fresh sources of the blood and bodies of kings. Harden-Hickey's touch cures scrofula, but he doesn't know it. Plenty of ancient sacrificial rituals (or cultists who've read Frazer's _Golden Bough_ and invented new ones) require a royal personage. The rituals just have to occur on the king's own land. --- Wikipedia ## 10. The Doomed: The Worst Journey in the World, 1910 The 1910 Scott Antarctic Expedition is fascinating. Among other things, its members were heroes in search of a righteous cause. If the sordid reality of the Empire, the greed and stupidity and pettiness of the real world, couldn't measure up to their ideals, what cause could absorb their energy and talents? And so these monks of Kipling challenged uncaring and uncomplicated nature. They muddled, suffered, and died. But before they reached the Antarctic, they had a few hair-raising adventures along the way. > This island is difficult of access, owing to its steep rocky coast and the big Atlantic swell which seldom ceases. It has therefore been little visited, and as it is infested with land crabs the stay of the few parties which have been there has been short. But scientifically it is of interest, not only for the number of new species which may be obtained there, but also for the extraordinary attitude of wild sea birds towards human beings whom they have never learnt to fear. Before we left England it had been decided to attempt a landing and spend a day there if we should pass sufficiently near to it. > > [...] > > The tree ferns were numerous, but stunted. The gannets were sleeping on the tops of the bushes, and some of the crabs had climbed up the bushes and were sunning themselves on the top. These crabs were round us in thousands—I counted seven watching me out of one crack between two rocks. > > We sat down under the lee of the summit, and thought it would not be bad to be thrown away on a desert island, little thinking how near we were to being stranded, for a time at any rate. > > The crabs gathered round us in a circle, with their eyes turning towards us—as if they were waiting for us to die to come and eat us. One big fellow left his place in the circle and waddled up to my feet and examined my boots. First with one claw and then with the other he took a taste of my boot. He went away obviously disgusted: one could almost see him shake his head. > > We collected, as well as our birds and eggs, some spiders, very large grasshoppers, wood-lice, cockchafers, with big and small centipedes. In fact, the place teemed with insect life. I should add that their names are given rather from the general appearance of the animals than from their true scientific classes. It's interesting that in Knight notes, "Other life there was none, not even insect." Knight was not, of course, a trained naturalist, but it's still peculiar that one crew should report abundant insect life while another crew reports none. > The following is Bowers' letter: > > "_Sunday, 31st July._ > > _ _ White terns abounded on the island. They were ghost-like and so tame that they would sit on one's hat. They laid their eggs on pinnacles of rock without a vestige of nest, and singly. They looked just like stones. I suppose this was a protection from the land-crabs, about which you will have heard. The land-crabs of Trinidad are a byword and they certainly deserve the name, as they abound from sea-level to the top of the island. The higher up the bigger they were. > > The surface of the hills and valleys was covered with loose boulders, and the whole island being of volcanic origin, coarse grass is everywhere, and at about 1500 feet is an area of tree ferns and subtropical vegetation, extending up to nearly the highest parts. The withered trees of a former forest are everywhere and their existence unexplained, though Lillie had many ingenious theories. > > [...] > > The land-crabs are little short of a nightmare. They peep out at you from every nook and boulder. Their dead staring eyes follow your every step as if to say, 'If only you will drop down we will do the rest.' To lie down and sleep on any part of the island would be suicidal. Of course, Knight had a specially cleared place with all sorts of precautions, otherwise he would never have survived these beasts, which even tried to nibble your boots as you stood—staring hard at you the whole time. One feature that would soon send a lonely man off his chump is that no matter how many are in sight they are all looking at you, and they follow step by step with a sickly deliberation. They are all yellow and pink, and next to spiders seem the most loathsome creatures on God's earth." _The Worst Journey in the World_ has some extremely lively description of the difficulties landing and escaping from the island. It's well worth a read. --- reddit ## 11. The Duel: _HMS Carmania _and _SMS Cap Trafalgar_ , 1914 In September, 1914, the refitted liner _HMS Carmania_ met the refitted liner _SMS Cap Trafalgar_ , which was disguised as the _HMS Carmania_ , off Trindade. Wikipedia's summary of this battle is pretty good. The two ships fought a spirited, if slightly archaic, battle of broadsides and manually loaded guns. I can't find much information about the alleged German naval base on Trindade. Given the conditions and lack of tangible remains, it can't have been too impressive. Landing supplies wasn't any easier in 1914 than in 1910 (or 1700). The shoals allow for anchoring, but I can't imagine a multi-ton coal depot on the shore would be viable. By 1914, if an established colonial power didn't have a permanent naval base on an island, there must have been a pretty good reason. ### Plot Seeds for 1914 -In July of 1914, you and your crew performed a daring series of robberies aboard the _Cap Trafalgar._ To escape the ship's detectives, you stashed the loot aboard, hoping to retrieve it on a later voyage. Unfortunately, war was declared in August, and the Cap Trafalgar is being sent to some remote island in the Atlantic to be refitted as a commerce raider. Can you sneak or inveigle your way aboard, retrieve your loot, and escape? Will a British warship ruin your plans? -The sea drops precipitously off Trindade. It is a volcanic seamount, after all. The _Cap Trafalgar_ wreck site has not been located, as far as I know. It's probably 5km down. The _Titanic_ is 3.8km down, so locating and visiting this wreck seems unlikely. Who knows what creatures of the deep were stirred up by the descending hulk. -What if the _Cap Trafalgar_ didn't sink, and managed to sail to Martim Vaz island? What if the Carmania was likewise wrecked on the cliffs of Trindade? You could have duelling island wrecks, each trying to blast the other off the rocks with salvaged guns and jury-rigged boats. Admittedly, this is unlikely, as wireless signals meant other ships were already en route, but war is a chaotic time. One storm, one emergency report, and the islands could be forgotten for years. -If both ships went down, the survivors could wash up on the same island, leading to all sorts of adventures while waiting for rescue. Things would probably be civil... at first. --- openseamap.org ## 12. The Prison, 1924 I'm relying on machine translations here, but a brief summary is plenty for RPG purposes. Trindade was used as a particularly cruel open-air prison](https://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trindade_e_Martim_Vaz ) from [1924 to 1927. ### Plot Seeds for 1924 -The commandant has read a very interesting English book by a man named Knight. There is buried treasure on this island. Dig or perish. -One of your fellow prisoners has read a very interesting English book by a man named Knight, and, as proof, has a gold coin. This could be a lie to inspire a revolt. It could be a coincidence. Or it could be that, just over the hill, there's an unbelievable fortune. Enough to finance a hundred revolutions, or retire to some other country under a new name. --- Wikipedia ## 13. The UFO, 1958 Once again, I'm relying on machine translations, but the gist is fairly simple. In 1958, a photographer named Almiro Baraúna allegedly spotted and photographed a UFO. It was, as you may have guessed, a hoax. ### Plot Seeds for 1958 -Trindade is an isolated alien outpost. Dig for treasure and you might find a hatch. -Aliens are using Trindade as a test case of human interaction with the environment. It's not looking good. -If you're going to build a secret alien technology test facility, Trindade is probably a good place to do it, assuming you can ferry things on and off by helicopter. The sun-bleached corrugated metal shacks visible on satellite photos are _obviously_ decoys. -The hogs left behind by Edmund  Halley in 1700 developed intelligence, an underground civilization, and antigravity technology. The eerie land-crabs are a red herring. -There is a portal on Trindade that opens to other times, but not other places. Edmund Halley opened it in 1700, while chasing a falling star. It closed it in 1956, as the star rose again. But in the years between, it might be possible to slip through time. --- Fernando Faciole, Discover Wildlife ## 14. Miscellaneous Facts Given the British habit of nicking unattended landmasses, articles that touch on Brazilian sovereignty have a tone somewhere between peevishness and pride. It's only to be expected. Hayunite, or hauyne, is only found in a few places on earth. Trindade is one of them. It's a beautiful mineral, but in the real world, that's about all. In a fictional setting, where cold fusion works or something, it could be extremely relevant. Maybe it's only found on alien landing sites, or it's required for time travel. While the island's feral cats were exterminated in 1998, the last goats were apparently eliminated by snipers (!) in 2005. It's possible that these were the descendants of Halley's goats from 1700, but it's probable that other colonists augmented or reintroduced them. Given enough time (or some supernatural help), they could have evolved to resemble _Myotragus._ This article mentions a shipwrecked yacht in 1994 and an undated modern fishing vessel mutiny. I can't find sources on either, but it just goes to show that Trindade is still generating plots. There's a species of beetle,_Liagonum beckeri,_ that lives on one rock in one ravine on Trindade and nowhere else. "The population is restricted to a wet rock of <1m2, inside a deep ravine. [...] The beetles run around only on those parts of the rock that are covered with a green algal biofilm." It'd be extravagant to use the _whole_ rock. _ _
16.05.2025 03:53 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0
Preview
Tariffs, CanCon, and You In 1972 the CBC asked listeners to complete the saying "As Canadian as...", to match "As American as apple pie." The winner was "As Canadian as possible under the circumstances." I never expected to use Canadianness as a selling point for RPGs. It never seemed relevant. It'd be like promoting them based my astrological sign or shoe size. And yet, here we are. It's suddenly _very_ relevant. **🍁To be clear, my books are unequivocally Canadian Content. They are written, designed, and printed in Canada.🍁** _The Monster Overhaul_ and _Magical Industrial Revolution_ are printed at Friesens in Manitoba. People have, rightly, complimented the print quality. I couldn't be happier with how Friesens has handled these projects. Currently, books are exempt from fluctuating US-CAN tariffs. Ink, paper, cardboard, etc. are not. Print costs haven't risen yet, but they easily could for future print runs. I don't do sales or discounts, so the books are unlikely to ever be cheaper than they are now. At the moment, I intend to keep distributing my books via Indie Press Revolution in the USA. IPR has been great to work with, and it's difficult to imagine them benefiting from or supporting current American policies. I am, however, shifting more books to my Canadian distributor, Compose Dream Games. They're also handling UK distribution, and ship worldwide. If you want books that don't pass through American hands or American borders, order from them. I designed both _The Monster Overhaul_ and _Magical Industrial Revolution_ for versatility. If A4 printers weren't available, both books can be trimmed to letter-sized paper without impacting the text. Interior pages are black and white. The books don't require die-cut cardboard tokens, plastic dice, trays, hand-assembled packages, chits, stickers, measuring devices, hourglasses, geegaws, gubbins, or tchotchkes. They're just books. I could have printed both books overseas. During the Kickstarter for the _Monster Overhaul,_ I received several offers from fulfillment companies that work with Chinese printers (and one in Moldova, I think.) I'm sure the quality would have been the same, and the cost would have been much lower, but I don't like extra moving parts in a project. Friesens is also an employee-owned company with a strong track record and excellent service. That's the relevant part of this post. Below the line, I've written a few thousand words about the motivations behind the current American tariff policy. Moxy Früvous - Michigan Militia (1997) ## Part 2: Why Tariffs? What Is The Plan? Most RPG articles, such as Zach's excellent summary on Goonhammer, focus on the [practical reality](https://www.backerkit.com/c/projects/cephalofair/gloomhaven/updates/20854 ) of American tariff policy on the board game industry. While the Goonhammer article does great job covering the basics, there are specific aspects of these America's tariff policy that deserve examination. Ideally, someone competent would do it, but you've got me instead. In November 2024, Stephen Miran released a document called "A User’s Guide to Restructuring the Global Trading System". **You can read it here** (backup). In December 2024, Trump appointed Miran as chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers. On April 7th, Miran released a statement summing up his vision for a new global economic reality. This is the economic equivalent of the Project 2025 plan. While it's possibly hyperbolic to call Miran Trump's Dr. Schacht, his work is very influential. **The playbook is out**. Any competent authority (an economic columnist, a central banker, etc.) that says they don't understand what Trump is trying to do is either lying (possibly for good diplomatic reasons), talking down to you, or a fool. There is considerable room for debate on whether or not Trump is succeeding at his economic goals (or what those goals are), but some potential goals, and corresponding pitfalls, are clearly laid out in Miran's article. Is it a good or wise plan? Look, I'm not an expert. It is an intelligible plan. It has some internal logic. It is well worth reading. If you do read it, feel free to skip the rest of this post and draw your own conclusions. Bear in mind that, just because there parts the paper make sense, the whole thing doesn't need to make sense. Anyone can leaven bullshit with a few facts. --- Wikimedia Commons ## Restructuring the Global Trading System > The deep unhappiness with the prevailing economic order is rooted in persistent overvaluation of the dollar and asymmetric trade conditions. Such overvaluation makes U.S. exports less competitive, U.S. imports cheaper, and handicaps American manufacturing. -Miran, pg. 5 The world's reserve currency is American dollars. Since dollars depreciate, countries often convert them into interest-yielding stable treasury securities. To facilitate trade and back up their currency, a country will therefore: * Sell goods or their currency to America / a participant in the US-led global economy to get US dollars (USD). * Either spend them immediately or buy an interest-bearing treasury security (UST) from the US Treasury. While the US can't directly set a county's currency exchange rate, it has some influence over smaller economies through soft-power policies. More crucially, it gets to set the UST interest rate, which has a knock-on effect on all other bonds. Since the UST is traditionally seen as the safest possible investment, everyone else (in theory) has to offer better interest rates or more lucrative terms. It's much more complicated in practice, but that's beyond the scope of this post. > In Triffin world, the reserve asset producer must run persistent current account deficits as the flip side of exporting reserve assets. USTs become exported products which fuel the global trade system. In exporting USTs, America receives foreign currency, which is then spent, usually on imported goods. America runs large current account deficits not because it imports too much, but it imports too much because it must export USTs to provide reserve assets and facilitate global growth. -Miran, pg. 7 > The flip side of this is called "market access", i.e. the right of the USA to sell goods to a country or buy a country's products. This is, traditionally, something the USA deploys military force to guarantee. "You give us your nice shiny cobalt and we'll give you this piece of paper, which you can spend at our store, or with any of our global affiliates. We have a sale on rifles and helicopter gunships if you want to deal with some domestic cobalt-export-impeding threats." It's also something the USA uses as leverage. "Play ball or we'll cut off your access to the global marketplace." Miran wants to blow it all up. A full reset of the present order. The plan is to give up global market access and control of the world's reserve currency in exchange for improved domestic manufacturing and spheres-of-influence arrangements with other great powers. Think I'm being too cynical about the US's use of military force? Miran doesn't. > The U.S. dollar is the reserve asset in large part because America provides stability, liquidity, market depth and the rule of law. Those are related to the characteristics that make America powerful enough to project physical force worldwide and allow it to shape and defend the global international order. The history of intertwinement between reserve currency status and national security is long. In any possible reshaping of the global trading system, these linkages will become ever more explicit. -Miran, pg. 5 Take a look at the headlines. * Stability? Hah. NATO is effectively dead, trade agreement mean nothing, tariffs change overnight, and the USA is threatening to invade half a dozen countries at once. What promises will be broken tomorrow? * Liquidity? Look, I'm not the right person to ask, but probably? A politically pliable head of the Federal Reserve will turn on the money printer when asked and offer whatever loans are needed to whatever politically aligned entity requires them. * Market depth? 10% of consumers account for over 50% of consumer spending. The majority of Americans live paycheque to paycheque. The stock market is propped up by an increasingly desperate series of Silicon Valley hype waves. * The rule of law? I suppose that depends on whether or not you think of the law as a capital protection mechanism or a system of justice. If the former, you're good. The property is safe. Your investments will be protected... probably. Miran does advocate for unilaterally and arbitrarily cancelling interest on foreign-owned treasury bonds (pg. 30), and the Trump administration has the ability to hoover money straight out of your bank account without warning or due process, so maaaybe put your money elsewhere. ## Cheaper Borrowing? > The inference I draw from this is that while, all else equal, being a reserve currency may reduce borrowing costs, whatever benefit is gained is likely to be dwarfed by things like central bank policy outlooks, growth and inflation forecasts, and equity market performance. -Miran, pg. 9 This seems like a peculiar view. No other country has the money printer. This is usually called the exorbitant privilege. "It costs only a few cents for the Bureau of Engraving and Printing to produce a $100 bill, but other countries had to pony up $100 of actual goods in order to obtain one." This is, in theory, makes borrowing money extremely cheap. If the US wants to borrow 1 trillion dollars, it can instead print 1 trillion dollars. You can't, and France can't, but the Treasury can. The stable treasury security market also helps; even if they are paid for in foreign currency, it's still a low-interest loan. > The interplay between reserve status and the loss of manufacturing jobs is sharpest during economic downturns. Because the reserve asset is “safe,” the dollar appreciates during recessions. By contrast, other nations’ currencies tend to depreciate when they go through an economic downturn. That means that when aggregate demand suffers a decline, pain in export sectors get compounded by a sharp erosion of competitiveness. Thus employment in manufacturing declines steeply during a recession in the United States, and then fails to recover materially afterward. -Miran, pg. 9 Not this recession. Congratulations Miran, you've done it! The US dollar is no longer the safe haven it once was. The plan is for the recovery to be less painful than past recessions, but, even if that works, what America is giving up in exchange seems... disproportionate. ## "The Exporting Country Pays The Tariff" > “A tariff will be a tax on these foreign nations, these foreign companies, and if they want to be absolved of that tariff then they can come here to the United States of America to do business, bring their jobs here,” Press Secretary Karoline Kavitt, April 1st, 2025. > This comment was rightly mocked, but, if you read Miran's paper, you can see the original phrasing that started this game of telephone. It's perhaps asking too much for a press secretary to understand or explain this theory. The job of a press secretary is to distract, dissemble, and absorb criticism. Insight may be a handicap. > **Tariffs and Currency Offset** > The classic reason currencies offset changes in tariffs is that tariffs improve the trade balance, which then puts upward pressure on the currency for traditional reasons. But currencies might also adjust because nations’ central banks adjust interest rates to offset inflation and demand changes; or because end-supply is determined by comparative advantage and end-demand by preferences, and currencies adjust to offset changes like taxes; or because the growth prospects of the tariffing country improve relative to the tariffed country, attracting investment flows (so long as tariffs do not exceed “optimal” levels; see below). > > To illustrate the mechanism simply, let _px_ be the price of a good charged by (foreign) exporters, denominated in their own currency, _e_ the exchange rate (dollars per foreign currency unit), and _τ_ the tariff rate. Then the price paid by (American) importers is:_pm_ = _e_(1+_τ_) _px_ > > Suppose we begin with _e_ =1 and __τ__ =0. The government imposes a 10% duty on imports but the foreign currency depreciates by 10% as well. Then the price paid by importers becomes: > > _pm_ = 0.9(1.1) px=0.99px > > In other words, the exchange rate move and the tariff almost completely offset each other. The after-tariff price of the import, denominated in dollars, didn’t change.**If the after-tariff import price in dollars doesn’t change, there are minimal inflationary consequences for the American economy (but not so for the exporting country).   ** -Miran, pg. 13 > This is the sort of economics math that I truly, deeply hate. When sportswriter Jon Bois uses numbers to throw a fit, at least he sticks to football. Economists abuse high-school algebra in all sorts of stupid ways, disguising wishful thinking and pre-determined outcomes with greek letters and brackets. This isn't a formula; it's a prayer disguised as a promise. That "if" in the bolded sentence is a load-bearing "if". What if, instead of depreciating by 10%, the foreign country's currency appreciates by 10% because of a central banking policy, Florida being levelled by a series of hurricanes, or the USD deprecating? Well, then the American importers lose twice. What if the the exporting country adjust px instead? Double loss. What if there's _any other additive variable_ such as increased freight charges, an export tax, etc. > Like inflation, the question of who bears the burden of the tariff will depend on what prices adjust, but there are more nuances. In a world of perfect currency offset, the effective price of imported goods doesn’t change, but since the exporter’s currency weakens, its real wealth and purchasing power decline. American consumers’ purchasing power isn’t affected, since the tariff and the currency move cancel each other out, but since the exporters’ citizens became poorer as a result of the currency move, the exporting nation “pays for” or bears the burden of the tax, while the U.S. Treasury collects the revenue. > > [...] > > > By contrast, if currency offset does not occur, American consumers will suffer higher prices, and the tariff will be borne by them. Higher prices will, over time, incentivize a reconfiguration of supply chains. American producers will have improved competitiveness selling into the American market, and importers will be incentivized to find alternatives to the tariffed imports. As trade flows adjust, the trade balance can decline, but then the tariffs will no longer collect much revenue. -Miran, pg. 17 So you see, other countries _will_ pay for the tariffs, through currency devaluation relative to the USD. Probably. Or, "over time", it will all be fine. Don't worry about it! It's a good idea! Look at the nice equation I drew! Let's use a real-world example. Let's say a board game company plans to print and assemble a board game in China. The game costs 73 yuan, or $10 USD, per unit. Let's imagine there's a 100% tariff on imports to the USA from China. It's actually 104% as of today, but this make the math easier. The board game company pays the manufacturer $10, ships the board game across the Pacific, cuts the US government a cheque for $10 for the tariff, and sells the board game for whatever they think the market will bear ($10 more than they would have sold it for without the tariff). According to Miran's proposal, if the yuan devalues relative to the US dollar, then the tariffs will cancel out. Instead of paying $10 for a board game and $10 in tariffs, the company would pay $5 to the manufacturer and $5 to the US government, so the $10 cost doesn't change. The board game company isn't any worse off, but China is, and the US government gets some walking-around money. It's a great deal. At a 100% tariff, this assumes that the value of the yuan will fall from 7.3 per USD to 14.6 per USD. That way, the board game would cost $5. This also assumes that tariff rates stay stable. Over the past few months, they have not. A board game may cost $5 to print thanks to currency devaluation, but if the rate suddenly jumps to 250% between printing and shipping, then the company has to cut the US government a cheque for $12.50 and scramble to adjust the sale price accordingly. --- WSJ The prices in this chart are inverted, but you get the idea of what a 50% drop in the yuan exchange rate would require, and how quickly it'd have to happen. For a 100% tariff to be "paid for", it'd have to drop from 0.13 to 0.06. Additionally, the manufacturer would have to keep price the same at 73 yuan... which they might do, or they might see that all their costs are increasing for knock-on reasons and decide to pass those costs along. Trans-pacific shipping costs would have to remain the same, which, given the decreased demand due to high tariffs, seems unlikely. Finally, the tariff is a paid to an entity that, on a direct level, had very little to do with anything in this process. And people hate paying taxes. ## Wait, Isn't Miran Trying to Devalue The Dollar? You're correct. If the point of the whole restructuring scheme is to devalue the dollar and reduce its viability as a global reserve asset in order to drive manufacturing back to the US (by making exports cheaper and imports more expensive), then any argument in the paper that relies on a strong US dollar (or devaluing other currencies) is impossible to justify. There's no rest frame currency. Everything's measured relative to the dollar. I really hate economists. You can't promise unlimited golden eggs and a roast goose in the same paper. Sure, there are caveats and alternative cases, but it's still a horrible contradiction lurking at the paper's core. ## Why 104%+ Tariffs on China? The simple answer is that it's a trade war negotiating position. Trump likes to haggle and cut deals. This is leverage. But Miran has a more insidious proposal. > Similarly, imagine a very large tariff on China,**say a sharp increase in the effective tariff rate from roughly 20% to roughly 50%, offset by a similar move in the currency.** A 30% devaluation in the renminbi would most likely lead to significant market volatility. Because China’s communist economic system necessitates strict control over the capital account to keep funds locked in domestic assets, the incentives to find ways around capital controls could be devastating for their economy. > > Capital outflows from China can potentially result in asset price collapses and severe financial stress. According to Bloomberg, total debt in the Chinese economy exceeds 350% of GDP (Figure 7); this level of leverage entails the possibility for massive vulnerabilities to leakages in the capital account. Bursting bubbles in China as a result of currency devaluation could cause financial market volatility significantly in excess of that caused by the tariffs themselves. -Miran, pg. 18 > Ah, the "blow it up and watch 'em scurry" school of economics. Is the yuan devaluing? It's early days yet. If I knew for sure, I could make a fortune. But, as of this post, it's not falling off a 30% cliff, or showing any signs of doing so. China Tariffs: Feb 1st, 10%. March 3rd, 20%. April 2, 54%. April 9th, 104%. Sure, there are corresponding wobbles, but Trump is mashing the "blow up China" button Miran gave him as hard as he can, and there's no earth-shattering kaboom. Maybe those wires aren't connected after all. All that capital that was supposed to flee... doesn't seem to be fleeing. Or at least, it's not fleeing China. ## The Stock Market Rollercoaster Stocks are up! Stocks are down! Panic! Don't panic! Look, it doesn't matter. Miran is a High Economist. The stock market is a tawdry sideshow seen from the Olympian peak of Central Banking. --- S&P 500. This chart smooths out a lot of day-to-day swings. > **Tariff Implementation** > A sudden shock to tariff rates of the size proposed can result in financial market volatility. That volatility can take place either through elevated uncertainty, higher inflation and the interest rates required to neutralize it, or via a stronger currency and knock-on effects thereof. > > President Trump, and those likely to staff his economic policy team, have a history of caring deeply about financial markets and citing the stock market as evidence of economic strength and the popularity of his policies. A second Trump Administration is likely therefore take steps to ensure large structural changes to the international tax code occur in ways that are minimally disruptive to markets and the economy. **There are several steps that would help mitigate any adverse consequences.** -Miran, pg. 21 You can check the steps Miran lists. Take a guess if Trump implemented them. Take a wild guess. > **Graduated Implementation** > Even in the 2018-2019 trade war, President Trump didn’t implement 25% tariffs on Chinese imports in one swoop with no warning. He discussed these plans publicly and threatened China if it didn’t reform its trade practices, before implementing tariffs. Subsequent to open threats, they were implemented in such a manner that the roughly 18-point increase in effective tariff rates was spread over more than a year. -Miran, pp. 21-22 > I refer you to the article and date in the previous section... and Miran's own advice that "a sharp increase in the effective tariff rate from roughly 20% to roughly 50% [...] could be devastating for [China's] economy." (pg. 18). > Because tariffs are a negotiating tool, the President was mercurial in their implementation—the uncertainty over whether, when, and how big adds to leverage in a negotiation, by creating fear and doubt. -Miran, pg. 22 I seem to remember an economist talking about the values of stability, liquidity, market depth, and the rule of law. Was that Miran? Nah, couldn't be that guy. Fear and doubt are great and promote investment in the USA. A "mercurial" president can be trusted to implement a total restructuring of the world's balance of power and trade, and maintain a consistent policy in the face of inevitable internal and external opposition (as everyone from small investors to huge corporations lose their shirts in a market slump.) > In a second term, there’s less cause to negotiate with the Chinese up front, since they already abdicated their responsibilities under the Phase 1 agreement. **When someone has already demonstrated they walk away from their commitments, why bother trying to procure more, without some form of security** —like placing their UST reserves in escrow? -Miran, pg. 22 Yes, it's funny how walking away from commitments can lead to serious consequences. How _odd_. How _peculiar_. And it's not like Miran is an advocate of sudden unilateral and potentially illegal actions, such as placing a country's purchased UST reserves in escrow (pg. 22), or denying interest payments on UST reserves if a country doesn't toe the line (pg. 30). > If the system is effective over time either at raising revenue or incentivizing more favorable treatment from trading partners, it could eventually have a top tariff rate significantly in excess of 10%, that applies to a small number of countries. Similar to the domestic tax code, once the government starts carving out exclusions and deductions for various behaviors, it needs to raise rates to achieve the same revenue goals. -Miran, pg. 23 In other words, "Kneel early or get left holding the bag." You don't want to be the last country standing in this game of tariff musical chairs. > Such a system can embody the view that national security and trade are joined at the hip. Trade terms can be a means of procuring better security outcomes and burden sharing. In Bessent’s words, “more clearly segmenting the international economy into zones based on common security and economic systems would help … highlight the persistence of imbalances and introduce more friction points to deal with them.” Countries that want to be inside the defense umbrella must also be inside **the fair trade** umbrella. -Miran, pg. 23 "Fair trade" in a very limited and largely ahistorical sense. Perhaps we should call it a sphere of influence or an imperial market. Quick! Get your coloured pencils and draw what you think the "zones of common security and economic systems" ought to be. I'm going to put Scotland, Wales, and a united Ireland in the E.U. for fun. England can be "sad nuclear rump state grey." > Such a tool can be used to pressure other nations to join our tariffs against China, creating a multilateral approach toward tariffs. Forced to choose between facing a tariff on their exports to the American consumer or applying tariffs to their imports from China, which will they choose? It depends on the relative tariff rates and how significant each is to their economies and security. **The attempt to create a global tariff wall around China would increase the pressure on China to reform its economic system** , at the risk of significantly more global volatility as supply chains come under greater pressure to adjust. -Miran, pg 23 It's important, if you're going to blackmail people, not to act like a lunatic who might release the blackmail material even if paid, or leave it on a bus stop, or attack your victim with a hatchet. Consistency is important. "Reform its economic system" is one of those euphemisms like "liquidate the population" or "remove barriers to trade" that gives me cold shivers. > Because of the emphasis on competitiveness, it is unlikely that a second Trump Administration will support an increase in domestic tax rates, whether corporate or income. **Its goal will be, in large part, to make America a more attractive place to invest and hire than other countries** , particularly China, and higher domestic tax rates undermine that goal. -Miran, pg. 24 Your 401k is gone? Your company is laying off thousands of workers? Excellent. Get back to work, or die sooner. What do you think "making American labour competitive" means for the average worker? If the cost of American labour is already too high, according to Miran, what bits do you think they'll carve off? Unions? Gone. Worker protections? Gone. Social Security? Gone. Mussolini wanted to bring back guilds; has Miran considered that? > For example, suppose a taxpayer reduces her working hours from 45 per week to 40 per week because her income tax rate increased. While she enjoys more leisure, the goods or services she would have produced in those five hours, and the salary she would have received, cease to exist and are lost to the economy forever. The “deadweight loss” or “excess burden” in this stylized example is the lost production, net of the increased leisure she enjoys and revenue raised by the government. -Miran, pg. 24 > Has Stephen Miran ever worked a 40-hour week, let alone a 45-hour week? Is Stephen Miran aware that workers rarely get to adjust or set their own hours? Is he aware that a consistent 40-hour work week is, for many Americans, a wonderful dream? Does he know how how tax brackets work? I'm not convinced. And if you think Stephen Miran's thoughts on the lives of workers are muddled neo-Reaganism, you have to wonder what else he's muddled about. > Additionally, it’s not clear whether one should view the failure of this deterrent as a bad outcome. Suppose the U.S. levels tariffs on NATO partners and threatens to weaken its NATO joint defense obligations if it is hit with retaliatory tariffs. If Europe retaliates but dramatically boosts its own defense expenditures and capabilities, alleviating the United States’ burden for global security and threatening less overextension of our capabilities, it will have accomplished several goals. Europe taking a greater role in its own defense allows the U.S. to concentrate more on China, which is a far greater economic and national security threat to America than Russia is, while generating revenue. -Miran, pg. 26 This is an amazing paragraph to unpack. Bear in mind it was written in November of 2024. It: * Assumes that Europe and the USA will remain amicable. * Seems to assume that Europe will spend some of its defense funds in the USA. * Assumes that a hot (or tepid) war with China is both desirable, winnable, and profitable, which is... well, it's definitely a position a hedge fund manager and disciple of Martin Feldstein would come up with. ## Bond Market Shenanigans > Currency policy brings different considerations than tariffs do. The principal risk of pursuing a fairly valued dollar is that the policy intervention makes dollar assets less attractive in the eyes of foreign investors. At the time of writing, the yield on ten-year UST debt is roughly 4.25% per year. Suppose movement towards the currency valuation that would arise in a trade balance equilibrium would result in foreign holders of USTs expecting a 15% reduction in the domestic value of their UST holdings: that represents almost four years’ worth of interest payments, and over a third of all the expected interest over the life of the note. Three-year UST debt yields 4.1%, implying the devaluation would eat more than all expected interest, i.e. the note holder loses money over the life of the security. > These risks can be a disincentive for holding dollar-denominated fixed income securities. **If an expected change in currency values leads to large-scale outflows from the Treasury market, at a time of growing fiscal deficits and still-present inflation risk, it could cause long yields to rise.** Because significant portions of the economy—like housing—are tied to the belly and long end of the yield curve, such a rise could have material adverse consequences. > This is what we saw in the bond market swings of the last few weeks... possibly. Or possibly it's arbitrage traders liquidating their UST collateral positions. It's all a terribly complicated mess. Let's break it down a bit more. The US treasury is able to offer low interest rate securities because they're stable. People know they'll pay out. Sure, not as much as gambling at the stock market casino, but if you gamble you can lose your money. Securities are, as the name implies, safe... or at least safer. And the UST is the safest of all. In simple (i.e. almost completely wrong) terms, every day, the US Treasury opens its doors and goes, "Coo-eeee, I've got some lovely contracts to sell. Give me $100 now and I'll give you $103 later." In times of panic, traditionally, the door is crowded with buyers, and the Treasury can say, "I'll give you $102 later, or $101" and still find buyers desperate to put their money somewhere it will grow instead of shrink (or vanish.) If there are no buyers, which is rare, then the Treasury has to go. "Come on, folks. $104 later. $105?" Since UST sells billions of securities at once, and they pay out over ten years, that extra dollar or two really, really adds up. More outflows means printing more USD (because tariff revenue is a drop in the bucket compared to security market moves), which means more inflation (as each new dollar makes existing dollars worth less), which leads to a devalued USD (which Miran wants), which makes low-interest securities less attractive (as investors want to keep up with or beat inflation), which means the Treasury has to offer higher yields...  and around and around we go. --- 10 Year Note Bond Yield > This risk will be somewhat compounded if inflation remains elevated. As discussed in the section on tariffs, the results in Gopinath (2015) indicate that a **20% depreciation in the dollar would boost CPI inflation by 60-100 basis points.** A one-time adjustment in the currency without second-round effects should be looked through by the Fed as a price-level rather than inflation-rate shift. However if the Fed believed it to persistently shift the rate of inflation rather than just the price level, under standard Taylor rule specifications, it would hike overnight rates by roughly 100-150 basis points. Even assuming that's justifiable (which is.... well, economics isn't a science) those are some worrying numbers. For reference, CPI was 251 basis points in January of 2020 (pre-Covid) and is 320 basis points now. That's a rise of 69 basis points. Not nice. If you're an American, imagine the last 5 years of price increases, but crammed into a sudden burst, while other factors are driving wages to the floor. Good luck! ## Nobody Likes Being Called Cheap Cheap labour and deregulation seems to be the neo-Reaganite line Miran is following. But it's not the technocratic line J.D. Vance usually spouts. > There were two conceits that our leadership class had when it came to globalization. The first is assuming that we can separate the making of things from the design of things. The idea of globalization was that rich countries would move further up the value chain, while the poor countries made the simpler things. > > [...] > > But I think we got it wrong. It turns out that the geographies that do the manufacturing get awfully good at the designing of things. There are network effects, as you all well understand. The firms that design products work with firms that manufacture. They share intellectual property. They share best practices. And they even sometimes share critical employees. > > Now, we assumed that other nations would always trail us in the value chain, but it turns out that as they got better at the low end of the value chain, they also started catching up on the higher end. We were squeezed from both ends. Now, that was the first conceit of globalization. > > I think the second is that cheap labor is fundamentally a crutch, and it's a crutch that inhibits innovation. I might even say that it's a drug that too many American firms got addicted to. Now, if you can make a product more cheaply, it's far too easy to do that rather than to innovate. > > And whether we were offshoring factories to cheap labor economies or importing cheap labor through our immigration system, cheap labor became the drug of Western economies. > > And I'd say that if you look in nearly every country, from Canada to the UK, that imported large amounts of cheap labor, you've seen productivity stagnate. I don't think that's -- that's not a total happenstance. I think that the connection is very direct. > -J.D. Vance, March 18th, 2025  Ah, the power of nebulous "innovation." The last decade of Silicon Valley innovation has been bust after bust, burning through mountains of cash with nothing to show for it. Virtual reality, NFTs and crypto, LLM AI. All niche, all unprofitable, all struggling to scale past a kernel of cultists. Strip the hype-dominated tech stocks and AI shovel-sellers out of the market and growth is stagnant or declining. There are no easy fields of investment. No iron ore seams that need a smelter, no underserved towns that need a railroad. All the blank spaces on the map are filled in. Everyone who can afford one has a refrigerator and a cell phone.  In the absence of fields for growth, companies cannibalize, selling off the land under hospitals and peddling pipe dreams. Also, innovation _,_ cheap labour, _and_ deregulation is better than innovation alone, if you can get it. > Moreover, because reducing inflation is critical to helping alleviate bond market concerns as well as allowing the Fed to pursue a deeper cutting cycle, a Trump Administration is likely to prioritize structural policies that reduce inflation via supply side liberalization. That means aggressive deregulation, and a concentrated effort to reduce energy prices. This combination is probably bearish oil prices, but ambiguous for energy producers, and quite bullish for equities and growth. If deregulation boosts potential growth and reduces inflation—as this contributed to the noninflationary growth experienced in the first Trump Administration—that will help support both the bond and equity markets. -Miran, pg. 36 > Trump's blood-and-soil immigration policies are shrinking the labour pool, which, in theory, could drive up wages. Massive federal government layoffs, anti-union measures, repressive and arbitrary law enforcement, collapsing safety nets, and child labour will drive wages down. Lowering income taxes drives real wages up; the CPI increase projected by Miran due to USD devaluation and tariffs eats that gain and more for anyone who doesn't own a yacht or two. And it's all academic if you vanish into an offshore prison or get drafted for a hot war. > Now, one of the debates you hear on the minimum wage, for instance, is that increases in the minimum wage force firms to automate. So, a higher wage at McDonald's means more kiosks. And whatever your views on the wisdom of the minimum wage -- I'm not going to comment on that here -- companies innovating in the absence of cheap labor is a good thing. > I think most of you are not worried about getting cheaper and cheaper labor. You're worried about innovating, about building new things, about -- the old formulation of technology is doing more with less. You guys are all trying to do more with less every single day. > -J.D. Vance, March 18th, 2025 When McDonalds replaces a checkout worker with a kiosk, where does that worker go? That doesn't seem to be of interest to Vance or his audience. This administration is interested in "prosperity" and "order" in the macro sense. An antebellum cotton plantation is prosperous and orderly. The fate of individuals is irrelevant. ## In Conclusion Stephen Miran built an experimental airplane. It could fly. It could explode on the runway. It could be no better than its rivals. He then then handed the controls to people who have never flow before. Some don't believe in airplanes. Some are actively dismantling the instruments that would ordinarily detect if the flight is successful or not. This is not a crisis of the dollar. The dollar is behaving as expected. When you see: * The USD devaluing compared to other currencies. * Wild fluctuations in the stock market. * Other countries buying fewer US treasury bonds (resulting in higher interest rates / more debt). * Fees/taxes/interest rate penalties on countries that own UST reserves. * Naked extortion of countries outside the US's sphere of influence. * Sudden spikes in tariff rates on China (or other countries that Trump wishes to destabilize). * Rising prices on consumer goods caused by tariffs and the devaluation of the US dollar. * An increasingly fragmented, multipolar world, where great powers are free to enforce their will without US economic or military interference (provided they offer tribute). Know that it's all part of the plan. It's not an unintentional side-effect of some badly implemented or muddled policy. It _is_ the policy. It is being implemented. Its effects, as intended, cannot be walked back by a future administration or a sudden change in priorities. Doubt and fear are priced in.
16.04.2025 21:21 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0
Preview
Sidrak and Bokkus: 415 Medieval Questions A traditional high-effort medieval post from Skerples? Is it 2017? > _Sidrak and Bokkus _is a Middle English verse adaptation of an Old French prose book of knowledge, cast in question-and-answer form, enclosed within a framing adventure story. Its astonishing contemporary popularity is shown by the number and distribution of surviving manuscripts (several dozen in French; seven in English, excluding fragments; others in Italian, Danish, and Dutch [...] and the subtitle found in many of the French versions, ‘La fontaine de toutes sciences’, bears witness to its alleged authority. In spite of the work’s obvious importance in the history of European thought, as an index of popular attitudes and beliefs in the Middle Ages (it covers just about everything from the visibility of the Deity and the power of devils to the cause of leprosy and the copulation of dogs - questions 2, 7, 65, 102), there is no published critical edition of the French original or of the English translation. > -T.L. Burton,_Sidrak and Bokkus_ __ I was vaguely aware of _Sidrac_ 's existence in French, but had never read it, and wasn't aware of the Middle English versions at all until Dan D's recent post on Throne of Salt. It's well worth a read. Middle English is very readable if you treat it as a vocabulary and spelling puzzle. The answers range from thoughtful and correct to absolutely bonkers (by modern standards, and occasionally by 13th century standards). The Maniculum podcast has a few highlights. --- Q. 102 Why are dogs more tightly joined during copulation than other animals? A: Hounds are hot of nature, which welds them together like hot iron. _Sidrak and Bokkus_ is a book of questions and answers, presented less as a Socratic dialogue and more of a firehose of facts. The framing story is a magical adventure narrative, purportedly of pre-Christian kings and schemes. The author, Sidrac, is supposedly divinely inspired and has Noah's book of astronomy, which lets him predict future events.  It's... not great poetry. It's not deep philosophy. It's not even cutting-edge 13th century reasoning. > But if Sidrac is so awful, why was it so popular? Or, to reverse the question, if it was so popular, why do most critics think it is so bad? (Holler is exceptional in considering that the answers ‘radiate wisdom’: ‘Ordinary Man’, p. 537.) Popularity is, of course, no guarantee of quality; but I do not think this is a sufficient answer. Part of the problem stems from the false expectations of present-day readers. Critics who complain of a lack of order and lack of indexing assume that Sidrac is intended as a reference work of the kind we are used to today, of which the encyclopaedias of Vincent and Bartholomew are medieval equivalents. Those who dwell on its lack of originality assume that its purpose is to record the latest developments in scientific research; those who are troubled by the generic mixture expect it to be either an adventure story or a book of knowledge, not both. > > But Sidrac is evidently intended not as a journal of scientific research or a systematic encyclopaedia or a simple thriller: it is rather ‘a kind of non-alphabetical encyclopaedia in the vernacular, in which everything gets mentioned somewhere’; the educational level of its intended audience is evidently low; and some repetition [...] and some inconsistencies (as between the answers to questions 34 and 287) are perhaps inevitable. It belongs, in short, to that class of sugared information transfer that has today come to be called (especially as applied to television programmes) ‘infotainment’. Perhaps the worst that can be said of it in this light is that it aims low—and hits the target. > -T.L. Burton,_Sidrak and Bokkus_ __ _Sidrak and Bokkus_ sits in a genre filled in our era by the _Guinness Book of World Records_, the _Dangerous Book for Boys / Daring Book for Girls_, and the Big Book of Bible Questions... with all that that implies about its quality and theirs. It's something to keep precocious youngsters or bothersome parishioners occupied. It answers common questions with authority. Thinking about how you'd answer the questions, and arguing with friends (in the traditional pub manner) is just as important as the answers in the text. It's not a serious book for serious people, and it never was. --- Q. 361: What is the greenest thing of all? A: Water, because things underwater appear green, and it makes plants grow. ## De-Indexing Sidrak and Bokkus T.L. Burton's critical edition doesn't have a modern English table of contents, only the Middle English version. I reverse-engineered a question list from Burton's index. **This spreadsheet** has 3 tabs: my categorized questions (also given below), the questions in the order they appear in the text, and the original index. The categories I selected are arbitrary, but their original order is fairly arbitrary as well. Footnotes are in brackets. **Question #** | **Category** ---|--- **I’m Pretty Sure This Is In TheCatechism, But I’d Have To Check** 1 | Has God always existed? 2 | Is God visible? 3 | Is God everywhere? Do all creatures feel God's presence? 12 | Did Adam do any other sin apart from breaking God’s commandment? 13 | What did Adam take from God and how will he repay it? 14 | Why was Adam not damned forever for his sin? 15 | Why did God not send an angel or a man to redeem Adam? 16 | Why will God be born of a maiden? 28 | How may it be known that God made humans for the bliss of heaven / in his image? 38 | Is God generous to those who serve him faithfully? 45 | What power did God give the soul? 58 | May the wicked have God’s love as the good may? 66 | Did God create all things at the beginning? 73 | How long will the world last? 95 | Is it wrong to swear by one's god? 115 | Why did God make this world? 119 | Why will God destroy the world’s people? 133 | Will there be another flood [like Noah's]? 197 | Does God cheerfully forgive all one’s sins? 206 | Is God angered by one's death, good or evil? 216 | Will those who teach good here receive extra grace hereafter? 233 | What is heavenly paradise? 253 | Who will have more bliss in heaven: innocent children or people who knowingly choose good? 275 | Can one go to heaven without first going to purgatory? 283 | What will become of those who will die at the doom and who have earned neither heaven nor hell? 290 | Who named all things and taught them their ‘cunning’ (= knowledge) / their powers? 305 | Will those born dumb or foolish be damned if they do wrong? 312 | What is hell and how do souls go there? 314 | Do the good who go to heaven enter at once into perfect joy? 363 | Which is better on one’s deathbed: repentance or hope of eternal bliss? 366 | Should one say anything before lying down to sleep? 375 | Which is more help to the soul: what one does oneself before death or what others do for one afterwards? | **Difficult Questions Your Child Will Ask At Inconvenient Times** 23 | How does a bodiless soul feel pleasure or pain? 35 | Is there any excuse for those who know nothing of God? 277 | Will children too young to reason be damned? 200 | Do one’s good works come from God or from oneself? 279 | Will the children of heathens be damned? 43 | Will the souls of the good be grieved by the torments of the damned? | **BigRashi Energy [2] ** 4 | What was the first thing God made? 5 | When were angels made? 6 | What purposes do [the various orders of] angels serve? 8 | What shape are angels? What do they know? What can they do? 9 | Did God make man with his hand(s)? 10 | Where did God make Adam? 11 | Where did Adam go after leaving paradise? 17 | How long did Adam live on earth? 94 | How were tongs, hammer, and anvil first made? 132 | Were hills and rocks made when the world was created? 134 | Why did Noah take evil animals (scorpions, adders, and snakes) onto the ark? 158 | How many angels did God create? How many remain in heaven? How many fell? 255 | How long after Lucifer’s fall was Adam created? 273 | Is the soul heavy or light, big or small, dark or bright? 280 | If Adam had not sinned, would his descendants have remained in paradise? 281 | When water [of the flood] covered the world, did it cover paradise? 282 | What age was Adam when created? 285 | Which did God make first: the soul or the body? 301 | What kind of apple did Adam eat? 317 | When God created trees, was there fruit on them? 320 | Did God create new fruit after the flood? 321 | Where did Noah's ark land when the flood abated? 322 | Did Noah come into this world as a stranger when he left the ark? 401 | Will heaven’s inhabitants be clothed or naked? | **This Is Not Medical Advice** 19 | Does God send anything to foretell the manner of one’s death? 26 | Why does the soul not remain in the body when the blood is lost? 30 | What becomes of the blood when people die? 32 | Why does the body not die when half its blood is lost? 33 | Of what ‘complexion’ and nature is the body? 55 | Why did God not will that one meal a week should be sufficient? 59 | How may a child come out of its mother's womb? 60 | Can a woman carry more than one child in her womb at one time? 64 | Whence come hardiness and fear? 65 | Whence come leprosy and scall? 76 | Whence comes ‘felony’ (rage)? 80 | Which gives greater ‘cunning’ (= intelligence): hot food or cold? 81 | How can ‘felony’ (rage?), wrath, and melancholy be avoided? 85 | Whence comes the fatness of the body? 108 | How can people become fools? 112 | Can a leper be cured of leprosy? 176 | Why do people(’s eyes) sometimes weep easily? 185 | How can a fully-formed child be stillborn? 208 | Why was sleep made? 218 | Whence comes the ‘wicked evil’ (epilepsy) that causes people to fall? 221 | How is a man sometimes ‘jolly’? 222 | Can a man beget a child every time he touches his wife? 223 | What is a man’s semen and how is it formed? 240 | Whence comes quaking in humans? 246 | What is the wholesomest meat to eat? 247 | How is food distributed in the body? 248 | How should one remove a bone or thorn stuck in the throat? 249 | Why do faeces stink? 250 | Why is urine salt? 251 | How are worms bred in the body and on what do they feed? 261 | How is a child nourished in a woman's womb? 265 | How may the young be grey-haired before the old? 266 | Whence comes baldness? 291 | Why are some people taller than others? 292 | Which is more perilous: heat or cold? 302 | Why are some people born deaf and dumb? 306 | How do children learn more than the old? 326 | Which is better to drink: wine or water? 330 | Is it wholesome to eat whatever one can get? 333 | Why are new-born children more helpless than animals? 335 | Whence comes sneezing? 340 | Why do some have a quick, easy death, others a long, slow one? 359 | Whence comes the sweat of the body? 367 | Why cannot young men produce strong children as old men do? 370 | How does a child lie in its mother's womb? | **This Had Better Not Be A Riddle or Pun, And If You Say "Marry Nuncle..." I'm Going To Be Angry** 18 | Why is death so named? 61 | What is the best thing one can have? 62 | What is the worst thing one can have? 77 | Why are all animals not the same colour? 79 | What is our best and worst thing? 105 | Is it good to answer fools? 155 | Of which are there more: grains of earth or water drops? 156 | Can grains of earth / hairs or water drops be counted? 160 | What is the most delightful place in the world? 161 | Who is the hardier: a day-time or a night-time traveller? 162 | Whose courage is the greater: a townsman’s or a countryman’s? 184 | How could one be born without a father or mother? 207 | What is the worthiest day of the year? 212 | Are there any worldly goods that one can take anywhere without injury? 215 | How many times is one forsworn if one makes ten false oaths at once? 220 | What is the safest and most perilous craft? 229 | How do the old sleep like young children? 242 | How can one speak to oneself? How can someone speaking alone say “we”? 257 | How can the wind be felt but not seen? 258 | How can a fire be made but not held? 284 | Why is the soul invisible? 293 | Who are the most contented people and the most free from misery? 297 | Which should be wiser: the old or the young? 339 | Which is the stronger: wind or water? 368 | What is the hardest/worst battle to fight? | **This Is Not Political Advice** 49 | How should lordship be exercised? 169 | If two hosts (= armies) meet, should they attack each other? 205 | Will there always be war and strife in the world? 210 | What people do most to sustain the world? 211 | Which is greater: the king or the law? 303 | Do people profit by their almsdeeds? 357 | Of what behaviour and virtue ought kings and lords to be? 358 | Should kings and lords appear personally in battle? | **Luigi's Mansion** 56 | Do the rich die (easily) like the poor? 57 | Should the rich be judged in  the same way as the poor? 89 | Can one have profit without work? 92 | Are the rich less worthy for losing  wealth or the poor worthier for gaining it? 98 | Which is better: wealth or poverty? 99 | Should rich and poor be honoured equally? 104 | Can one escape death through wealth or other means? 107 | Why can some people not stop working for profit? 179 | Should the poor put themselves before the rich? 191 | Are the rich honoured and the poor despised in the other world as in this? 193 | Do killers assume responsibility for their victims’ sins? 198 | Why do some people work so hard? 252 | What crafts(men) might we worst do without? 304 | Do judges sin in passing judgement, or executioners in carrying it out? 345 | Which is worthier: wealth or poverty? | **I Think The Answer Is Obvious But I'm Worried About What The Text Will Say** 44 | Which is better: health or sickness? 50 | Should one do good to one’s kin and friends? 78 | Do those who eat and drink more than is necessary do good or evil? 82 | Which ‘is more bate’ (opp. of 'debate', therefore 'correct'?): to love or to hate women? 86 | Should men chastise women physically when they do wrong? 88 | Should one love one’s friend and try to hold him? 90 | Should people do good and almsdeeds for the needy poor? 100 | Do the poor delight in poverty as the rich do in their wealth? 103 | Is a man wrong to covet another’s wife or goods? 165 | Should one forget another who has served one well? 166 | Can a man desist from lechery with a woman in his power whom he desires / resist the advances of a woman who desires him? 180 | Is it a sin to eat everything one can get? 181 | Should people greet one another whenever they meet? 189 | Should one love all people? 196 | Which is the worst of the three: murder, theft, or brawling? 227 | Which is higher: land or sea? 295 | Should one help one’s friend or neighbour? 325 | Should one take pity on those in pain or sorrow and assist them if one can? 329 | Should one visit one’s friend frequently? 347 | Should one love and keep company with those who speak evil? 364 | Should one weep for someone/a friend who has died? 398 | Are more born into the world daily than die, or vice versa? | **This Feels Like A Trap** 36 | Should people do anything other than God’s commandments? 70 | Does God feed everything that he made on earth? 93 | Whence come people’s wicked customs? 97 | Whose company should one love and whose avoid? 101 | Should one boast of anything one does? 110 | Whose company should one prefer: that of the old or that of the young? 114 | Is it good to have dealings with all people? 164 | Should one honour all people and try to do their will? 175 | Should people worship God constantly? 177 | What kinds of people should be honoured? 190 | Are all people in the world alike / like-minded? 195 | Are there people who eat and drink anything unnatural? 296 | Which is better: speech or silence? 331 | Who are the greatest boasters? 344 | Should one conduct oneself vigorously/fiercely towards one’s enemy? 350 | If asked a question, should one respond immediately? 352 | Which is the seemlier: ‘fair’ face or ‘fair’ body? 372 | Should the wise reveal their thought to fools? | **I Fucking Love Astronomy** 46 | Will any astronomer remain as a teacher after Christ’s ascent into heaven? 106 | Which is the most difficult ‘cunning’ (= branch of learning) to acquire? 116 | How was the world made and how is it held in place? 117 | Are there other people apart from us who have the sun’s light? 118 | How long, broad, and thick is the world? 139 | Is it possible to sail to the edge of the sky? 144 | Whence come eclipses of the moon and sun? 145 | How do stars fall and what becomes of them? 146 | How many heavens are there? 147 | How high above earth is heaven? 148 | What power does the sky have? 149 | What are the names and powers of the planets? 152 | Why did God make the world round as a ball? 153 | Why is the moon cold and the sun hot? 157 | How many stars are there in the sky? 201 | Where does the day hide from the night and vice versa? 202 | How are the planets held aloft in the sky? 203 | How can one tell the time of day or night? 204 | Do all the stars revolve in the sky? 225 | Are enchantments and sorcery efficacious? 237 | Why can the new moon not be seen until it is in the east/west? 267 | What signs does each planet have, and of what ‘complexion’ is each sign? | **Philosophy 101 Students Pass The Bong Around** 27 | How/Why do people die? 29 | Why may humans not do as God did? 48 | Does one sin if one does not actively do good [or evil]? 53 | Is it possible to tell good people from wicked? 63 | How can one be faithful and true? 68 | How do animals (lacking reason) become enraged? 113 | Why did God not make us incapable of sin? 140 | Why did God not make us eternally youthful, vigorous, powerful, etc.? 154 | What is the greatest (‘most’) thing there is? 172 | In what language does a deaf mute think? 174 | Can any creature that God made know his thought? 194 | Which causes the greater sorrow: what is heard or what is seen? 199 | What is the darkest thing there is? 217 | Whence comes thought? 230 | If God had made us as big as the world would we have had power like God’s? 231 | What would the world have been like if God had not made it as it is? 254 | How may one overcome the will of the world? 298 | What (kind of thing) is delight? 323 | Whence comes human pity? 324 | Do those who love delight and rest do worst or best? 334 | Whence comes our native wit? 354 | Should one blame God for one's troubles? 355 | Should one serve all other people as best one can? | **Eternal Reddit Advice Threads** 84 | How can a man love a woman blamelessly and vice versa? 87 | What is jealousy and why are people sometimes jealous? 91 | How should one conduct oneself in company / without fierceness? 163 | Should a man upbraid another for the defects of his wife? 168 | Should a man take delight with a woman? 182 | How should one teach one’s children to please one? 183 | Whom should a man love more: his wife or his children? 186 | Are all women in the world alike? 187 | Should a man alert his friend to his wife’s misconduct? 192 | Is a father held responsible for his son's faults and vice versa? 209 | What is the wholesomest place in the world? 213 | Can two who have loved strongly resume their friendship after a separation? 214 | How can a man love a woman at first sight and vice versa? 224 | Is one bound to love one’s children and do good for them? 238 | Should one tell one’s secrets to one’s friend? 244 | Whose child should one love more: one’s sister’s or one’s brother’s? 262 | Should a man upbraid his wife publicly if she does wrong? 263 | Is it good for a man to be jealous of his wife? 264 | Should one believe the good or ill that one thinks of another? 294 | Is a child harmed by the wickedness of its father or mother? 327 | How may one desist from fighting when one is roused? 328 | Why do women have all the sorrow and joy of the world? 346 | Should someone living in a good place search for a better? 348 | Can one forget one’s native country? 351 | Should one desist from asking for one's debts? 353 | How should a man behave if he finds his wife having an affair? 360 | Which are the best colours of clothing to wear? 371 | How should one plead one’s cause before a judge in a lawcourt? | **Obviously The Penis [2] ** 41 | What is the blissfullest, worthiest, and ‘fairest’ thing? 42 | What is the foulest, most perilous, and most accursed thing? 167 | What is the greatest delight there is? 170 | Which members (= body parts) might one worst do without? 219 | Which is the most perilous organ in the body? 234 | What is the ‘fairest’ thing God made? 245 | What is the most perilous thing in us? 256 | Which is the ‘fairest’ organ in the body, and why? 299 | What is the most delightful/pleasantest sight there could be? 356 | What is the most delightful thing there is? 362 | What is the ‘fairest’ thing there is? | **Worryingly Vague** 47 | Who will be its keeper and commander? 188 | Should one hasten to do a thing? 235 | Whom should we love more: those who love us or those we love now? 342 | How should one (best) live in this world? 343 | Should one fear one’s enemy? | **Worryingly Specific** 51 | What is ‘Gentilnesse’? 102 | Why are dogs more tightly joined during copulation than other animals? 226 | What animals are ‘wightest/ wittiest’ and ‘most of savour’? 228 | Whence come snails and why do they keep to the earth/grass? 300 | Why did God put hair on the body? 308 | How may angels (lacking a body) appear to humans? 315 | Can souls appear to their friends whenever they want? 336 | Which ‘elements’ could we best do without? 338 | Why do birds not reproduce viviparously, like animals? 361 | What is the greenest thing of all? 376 | Do fish sleep?   | **Not Exactly Sex-Positive** 96 | Should one be chaste in body? 142 | Which is better: good works without chastity or chastity with wicked deeds? 239 | Which women give men most delight and benefit? 259 | Which is worthier: maidenhood or virginity? 260 | Which is capable of the greater lechery: man or woman, and why? | **Pub Trivia Night [3] ** 69 | What animal lives longest? 135 | Whence comes gold? 136 | Whence come carbuncles/ pearls and other precious stones? 137 | How many lands are there in the world? 138 | Is it possible to traverse the world on dry land? 150 | How many kinds of waters are there? 151 | How many seas are there? 159 | Of which are there most: animals, humans, birds, or fish? 171 | Who made the first (musical) instrument, and how did he think of it? 178 | Who is the most generous person in the world? 236 | What are the three worthiest things / worthiest words, grasses, and stones? 243 | Can the sea be diminished by loss of water? 318 | On what day and at what time was Adam created? 319 | Who discovered wine? 377 | What is the ‘fairest’ bird there is? 378 | What is the ‘fairest’ animal there is? 379 | Which are the ‘fairest’ horses (and the best to ride)? 380 | Which animals have most understanding? | **I Could Probably Explain This Scientifically To A Child But I Might Get Confused Midway  ** 67 | Who feeds the fruits of the earth? 120 | How are birds held aloft in the air? 173 | Why are some clouds white and some black? 143 | What is the cause of earthquakes? 121 | Whence comes rain? 122 | Whence comes hail? 123 | Whence come tempests? 124 | Whence comes thunder? 125 | Whence comes the wind? 126 | How does water issue from hillsides? 127 | Why is sea-water salt? 128 | How does hot water spring out of the earth? 129 | Whence comes brimstone? 130 | Whence comes lightning? 131 | Whence come and whither go waters that ebb and flow? 373 | Why are some wines white and some red? 316 | How do dreams appear to our sight? 31 | What becomes of fire when it goes out? 241 | Does the eye give, or receive, in seeing? 75 | Why are some people black, some white, and some brown? 111 | Why does it rain more in some years than in others? 52 | How can it be cold in fair weather? 332 | Why are clouds less thick in summer than in winter? 337 | Why does a strong wind die for a shower of rain? | **D &D Arguments** 349 | Which is better: sleight or strength? 374 | Do birds and animals have language or understanding? 71 | Do fish, birds, and animals have souls? 37 | How many worlds are there and what are they called? 74 | Do any other people live in the world apart from us? | **Asking For A Friend** 7 | Do devils know everything and can they do everything? 309 | Do devils spy constantly on our misdeeds? 365 | Has anything/anyone ever brought tidings of heaven or hell? 313 | Do hell’s inhabitants know anything? 270 | Can the dead return to this world? 83 | How can a young, healthy man’s wrath be aroused for a small cause? 310 | What is (the fire of) purgatory like? | **Reliant On A Soul-Based Paradigm** 20 | How does the soul go to the other world when it leaves the body? 21 | Which was made first: the soul or the body? 22 | Which speaks: the soul or the body? 24 | Which has the dominance: the soul or the body? 25 | Where in us does the soul live? 34 | Were all souls made at the Creation, or are they still being made? (see also Q. 287) 109 | Is the soul or the body sorrowful when they must part? 141 | Which are the angels that receive one’s soul into bliss? 232 | Did angels come from God’s breath like Adam’s soul? 268 | How do good souls go to heaven and wicked to hell? 269 | Is the good angel grieved when people commit sin? 271 | Will those who go to hell or paradise ever come out? 272 | Why don’t good souls go to the earthly paradise? 274 | Where do good souls go when they leave the body? 286 | Is the soul engendered naturally, like the body? 287 | Were all souls made at the Creation, or are they still being made? (see also Q. 34) 288 | When the soul comes to the body, how does it enter? 289 | How does the soul of a dead foetus escape from the womb of its dead mother? 307 | Do angels look after our souls? 311 | How many souls will go to heaven when the world ends? 341 | Which feels the sorrow on parting: the soul or the body? 399 | Will heaven’s inhabitants have no end and no sorrow? 400 | Will hell's inhabitants never have mercy or rest? | **It Doesn't Count As A Prophecy If It Already Happened** 39 | Will Christ’s contemporaries and those who live afterwards believe in him? 40 | What commandment will he give his people? 54 | Will faith in idols ever again be as strong as it was in Bokkus’s time? 72 | Will Christ’s contemporaries live as long as we do? 381 | When [Christ] will be born, by what token will it be seen? 382 | What will these tokens signify? 383 | When he is born, will he be more knowledgeable than others? 384 | When he is born, where will he live? 385 | Will God's Son be a ‘fair’? man? 386 | Why will he die? 387 | Who will kill him? By whose advice? How long will he be dead? 388 | Will he ascend into heaven unaccompanied? 389 | Will God’s Son have a (castle or) house on earth? 390 | Will his body remain visibly on earth? 391 | Will everyone have the power to make his body? 392 | Will those who have this power be honoured more than others? 393 | (Why) will they be bound to make his body daily? 394 | What is sin that we will be born into? 395 | What sign will announce his death? 396 | What power will he have when he is on earth? 397 | Will Christ’s disciples perform miracles as he will? | **It Doesn't Count As A Prophecy If You Copy Someone Else's Prophecy** 276 | Where will the doom be held and who will be judged? 278 | Will there be any house, town, or city in the other world? 369 | Will everyone born into this world leave it by death? 402 | What people will be alive at the Last Judgement? 403 | Where will Antichrist be born? 404 | On what day will God’s Son judge us? 405 | At what time will he come to judge the world? 406 | In what manner will he come to judge us? 407 | Will his Cross be present at the Judgement? 408 | How will he appear to the people to be judged? 409 | Will his ministers be with him to witness the Judgement? 410 | How will he carry out the doom and what will he say? 411 | Will everyone’s doings here then be revealed to all? 412 | What will happen after the doom? 413 | What will become of this world after the Last Judgement? 414 | Will the good then still live here to do whatever they want? 415 | Will they then remember the wicked things they did here? 1] I rate _Sidrak and Bokkus_ 5 [centiRashis (the SI unit of Surprising Commentary). Most of the answers are less interesting than you might expect. The doggerel Middle English rhyme scheme doesn't help. [2] I am 100% certain that "hur hur hur, the penis" was the intended amusing first thought / social answer for some, if not most, of these questions. This isn't a work of high philosophy. (See Q. 239). [3] Try some of these questions out next time you're asked to make a quiz. I'm sure they won't cause any arguments. Or, if you're willing to translate Middle English on the fly, quiz your friends and compare their answers to the canonical ones. --- Q. 266: Whence comes baldness? A: Astrology. Men born under Leo are of hot complexion, and think harder than other men, which causes their hair to lessen. ## Gameable Content You can use these questions like Dr. Zahir's Ethnographical Questionnaire or other worldbuilding tools. Some of them rely on certain religious/societal conditions, but some are general, and will be asked by people in any society. They're also great for pub quizzes, interrogating children (the answers are usually amusing), and starting conversations... or, as is more likely the case, ending them.
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