Artemis

i am so tired of my brain doing this. "you're so alone, everyone hates you, you're wasting your time, die"

i hate it. why are mental issues real and do this. i want to be a happy person that doesn't fucking explode like i am right now

i feel like ive never relaxed in my life

i dont want to exist and that makes me sad

also: louder music DOES help you not dissociate. source: me

i'll be fine in a bit

i am not going to lie i do not like that some of my friends did the stuff for summit

like yay money for charity but can we stop associating with the guy

i am unsure if i will be able to relax again

i've been constantly doing things since the start of this year and i feel like it never ends

breakup -> community drama -> moving -> work intensity for awhile -> gdq -> mario and minecraft tournaments -> ongoing work to buy a house

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

frustrated. waste my time for one game and it doesn't matter and set aside the more important one, and then have no practice going into the one that matters. is it worth to even try

wish i got more pictures of me in this outfit, it was great at sgdq

and none of the pictures show the big ass black bow i have in my hair

those are the main ones i had in depth thoughts on, despite me not saying much on any of them lmfao, thx for reading hope you find something new

WEEDKILLER by Ashnikko is really good. the songs are all good individually (although it gets better as it goes on). it still peaks for me at Cheerleader individually, but listening to it through, Posession of a Weapon and Dying Star are a fantastic way to end it. really like her music, need more

Demidevil by Ashnikko is, fine? I like some songs but it's definitely not her at her best. Daisy is fine (i prefer the 2.0 remake), but the fronthalf carries (and Cry). her music is cool though, and i think you can see at least what she's going for, which she executed in her album after this (below)

relistened to Zedd's True Colors album and it was more all over the place than i remembered. a few misses imo, but Addicted to a Memory and Transmission X (ignoring logic's verse lol) made up for the other misses. ALSO I SLEPT ON PAPERCUT BEFORE WHAT WAS I DOING, worth relistening for that alone tbh

BONUSx2 by Tanger was really high energy and it fits my music preference perfectly. sound design and energy were poured in and i think that shows with my favorite tracks ! SIREN PARTY ! and schranzgender. if you like high energy edm stuff this is worth the listen, it's pretty short (5 songs @ 15min)

Eusexua by FKA Twigs was good although I wouldn't listen to any of the songs individually, which sounds more hateful than I mean. it's not really my type of music exactly, but the music videos and overall story(?) it tells is really good. unsure if i'd go back, but well worth the experience

Half Blood by Skybreak was excellent, not at all what i was expecting but the sound design was outstanding. Stone Kold and Street Garden are my favotites, but it's not super far ahead of any other tracks. super excited for what skybreak does in the future, he's got a lot going for him

Fish Whisperer by Vylet Pony was also really good. the story was great, and if i listened to it in a slightly different headspace, i could see myself crying to it because you can really feel the emotion poured into it. i was sleeping on her for too long, she just doesn't miss at all

Love and Ponystep by Vylet Pony was fantastic and is getting the praise it deserved. I was multitasking more so I don't have specific song callouts, but i loved the sampling and sound design overall. the energy was great throughout and i'll definitely be going back to it as the year goes on

relistened to Stealing Fire by Virtual Riot. definitely better this second time around, still not in love with it but still really good. the title track and Believe What You Want are my favorites, but its a good vibe overall. idk if i like it more than Simulation though, need to relisten to that too

I Die Where You Begin by Stela Cole is fantastic. she's been a mainstay in my playlists since i first found her in 2022, and she hasn't missed yet. some songs were weaker for sure, but none were bad whatsoever. Die Hard, Candyland, and Now or Nevermind are peak. recommend if you like girlboss shit

more album reviews, not super in depth but wanted to post them at least if anyone cares

also its a lot lol

i don't deserve happiness

i havent left my room yet and its nearly 2pm. everyone is having a good time and here i am still barely functioning

i dont think i want to exist anymore. i think i'm done

i obsessively check discord but nah its dead, i should know better at this point

i'll try to go eat or something. i hate this

wait nvm i feel physically ill

the last 30 minutes have been an insane mental rollercoaster. im fine just tired

bye chat :/

FOCUS. STOP MAKING UP SCENARIOS AND SULKING. GET DRIED OFF, GET A SNACK, DRINK WATER, GO TO BED. NO MORE SOCIAL MEDIA, IT'S NOT HELPING. MAKE SURE YOUR ALARMS ARE SET. STOP TYPING AND GO

lets pretend tonights crashoout didnt happen ok? i'll bring it up during therapy and then we're all good then yes? ok cool sorry about this, i'm working on it everypony

avoid feeling emotions again. i guess since i desperately don't want to undo any of the (small) progress i have made, that could tell you how bad i hate these feelings. desperately trying to escape with as much of myself intact. not entirely sure where i am anymore :/ not literally but yknow...