🐑 sheep time

i cannot apply to other jobs enough i need out of here so bad

sorry i thought i felt better but i still feel rlly gross. esp upon talking with my manager and finding out this is a pattern with this specific guy. okay so we just let him keep doing this

no it's cool i love getting personally blamed for people's deaths every day and now sexually harassed. at my job that pays 13 an hour

there's obviously not a magical job that would solve my problems but it'd do a lot for my mental health to make a few more dollars an hour and not have people directly in my ear arguing with me about stupid shit 8 hrs a day

i guess the answer is probably go back to college and hope for the best but that's a lot of moneyyy

how to make a career change away from fucking call centers when i have no skills or useful education or abilities and i'm very disabled put into my search bar 1000 times in the hopes one of them will give me an answer

this took like 5 attempts to write i have to just go to bed

i keep trying to use my phone when i'm Mostly asleep and then dropping it on my face i have to stop

mind you i appreciate her greatly for doing the research for me and i'm not mad at her abt it all i'm just like . jesus christ this is a lot to take in and i don't have the mental fortitude for it

about to have to go into an extremely evil work week and my wife has entered the research mines and dropped incredibly upsetting information about my family onto my lap

the place i work at is like that too... smth abt specialty meds means you gotta go thru 500 saw traps to get them it's so fucked

maybe i should be a little more considerate tho i just remembered my rib cage and chest hurt crazy bad last night. and i remembered that bc it just started hurting now

my lack of respect for the fact that my body has more limitations than most is Going to bite me in the ass really bad but i feel so fucking antsy and i'm going to keep feeling that way until we're fully moved

(girl who is trying to not freak out) i have a lot of things . to do

please play lonesome road . for me

i can't wait to get the fuck out of herreeeeee but we have to move slow for misc reasons... we'll get there

we got our keys to the apt today... we have many things to do but soon. we will be there.

i'm going to have to fucking Move House while on my period first which is evil. but then i'm free

dreaming of my post-move computer setup when i will be able to do my job and play video games without experiencing infinite torture loop in my body

being too dehydrated to cry bc i got sick is crazy i need to fix that

can't draw can't write solo can't rp with my wife or my friends like i've been wanting to. all i can do is hope once we're settled in the new place it'll come back to me because whaaaat the fuck i'm so sad

i have a couple wips ive been poking at here and there but in general i think the combo life/work stress of the past few months have just totally killed my creative drive outside of designing women in xiv, which is more like building a custom lego set to me in terms of brain usage

made myself really sad thinking abt how the ability to draw has just been like. sucked out of me

i have such an intensive ingrained "do not ask for help ever" neurosis and hitting a breaking point on that and deciding we Should actually ask for help makes me feel really pathetic but it makes me feel better that anyone like. wants to help at all. i love my friends and i love strangers too

throwing up and crying bc i can't handle people being nice to me or caring about me

i Keep getting pwned (having a nervous meltdown and losing sleep over smth that ends up being completely fine and good)

we might be cooked and it's my fault yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

me looking at this apt app that requires 2 months paystubs when i only have a month and a half:

i'm already Doing pharmacy tech work it's just that i'm only certified in one state and i never took a course i just got certified thru the job so it's not really like. usable anywhere else

ig in nicer news i do have some plans to get nationally certified as a pharmacy tech so i can ideally get a job that'll pay more... just waiting til we get settled in the new place bc i need to do a course before i take the test. having a goal like that makes me feel better