Lily

I don't see any other choice than to quit for now and return if I eventually end up actually liking another character enough to write from 😭 if I keep trying now it'll keep feeling wrong and I will start to hate it

It also explains why I have only been able to write Cloud's POV lol

The issue is.... I only write fic for romance. The second the romance is taken out, I don't care abt writing at all 😔

This is exactly why I even fell out of shipping right after Remake had come out bc I'd realized I don't care abt any other character enough to write ship fic

It's simply the fact that the only character I care abt is Cloud. Any fangirling for others has been more like... performing and going through the motions

Made a sudden epiphany with why FFVII fics keep feeling wrong and it drove me deeper in this hole lol

②🈡 #セフィクラ
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新年のラブストーリー
注意）ｄｄｆｆセフィｘ女クラ
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I struggled with this game for years bc it just didn't click but now I love it so much

For the first time ever I managed to reach second year Fall on Stardew Valley and I'm so proud of myself 🥹

I love my man Sebastian so much 😭

I just want to solve the chaos in my head bc I'm sure I'd feel better after but idk how 😭

I keep feeling something is off every time I write

It rlly depresses me that I've been a fan of FFVII since 2007, written fic since 2024 and I STILL keep questioning if I actually care about enough to write 😭 like idk how to even explain it

It's best as a oneshot anyway

Ended up deleting the second chapter from the narusasu fic I had written bc I just don't care enough to make it work

- to write anything. When I activately have an hyperfixation to something I have more energy but now I just... don't care 😭😭 I hate depression SO MUCH

Definitely the worst thing abt depression is how it makes me so uninterested in anything. Like, I can't even pull myself out of this hole bc I don't have the mental capacity. My head is full of stories, yet I'm so... uninterested in the two fandoms I write abt that I can't summon any inspiration -

"Unalive" "grape" "seggs" This has got to stop. Do people hear themselves? Its like talking to a particularly sensitive toddler. We can't remove serious words from our language just because we're afraid some fickle algorithm will show our posts to less people

もったいないので投げときます

I can't do much to affect things with my own behavior so I try to do even a little but...

I feel so conflicted bc I want to support indie authors by reading their books but most are only available on Amazon and I really hate using Amazon 😩

We've established that's it's okay for me to vent (I make sure first) but I still don't rlly wanna do it

Yeah I vent a lot but I don't wanna burden my friends with it and journaling helps only a little 😔 I hope to feel better soon

Yeaah my mental health is super bad rn so it makes everything heavier, I know I need to calm down and not do anything impulsive. It's hard tho 😩

But social media just makes me so sick. My inferiority complex and jealousy ruin everything

I know it wouldn't do me any. That I'd be even lonelier that I am now

Today is one of those days I just want to delete all presence online and just disappear

I did a thing today, hoping it would make me more inspired and instead it's just making my spiral worse 👍 nailed it

I'm really just existing at this point, waiting for the day to pass so I can sleep again