Jono Zalay

ARE THE CLIPPERS TOO OLD?
We sat down with their starting guard who is having hip surgery…

Democrats are only releasing the Epstein files to distract from the fact they don’t have enough power and money to be pedophiles.

Can’t wait for Taylor Sheridans’s latest spin off…
King of Mayorstown

It really says something that a judge has to order federal agents to not hunt down children on Halloween

This guy is worth a billion bucks and still looks like Dennis Quaid’s wax figure was left in the sun for too long.

Dodgers and Blue Jays should call it even and share the championship. Win the Nobel peace prize instead.

I want to live in a city with good enough politics that the worst 25% promise they’ll leave.

Curtis Sliwa always looks like he’s about to fight Jean-Claude Van Damme

AI friends?! A REAL friend would never let you cheat on your essay.

What are your plans for the White House?
TRUMP:

Let them eat ballroom

Worst part of the Louvre jewelry heist is now I can’t wear around my sapphire tiara without looking like some kind of criminal.

Katie Porter had an awkward exchange after she called out a bad question.

In a not at all related story: the Attorney General refused to say under oath whether she’d seen a photo of Trump with minors in the Epstein files.

The overlap in the Venn diagram of comics performing in Saudi Arabia and those who toured continuously through the height of the pandemic is circle labeled NO LIVES MATTER

Hegseth is an alcoholic but telling everyone “GET IN HERE, i have ideas for a new dress code” is more of a coke thing to do.

HEGSETH: Gather the top brass.

WOMAN ASSISTANT: But sir… that would be a security nightmare, and cost millions?!

HEGSETH: I don’t care! I’ve just seen a T-shirt that will change the course of military history.

I don’t know what an “ombudsman” is and I hope to God I never know.

Welp. I guess now we know why Hegseth drinks.

People genuinely saying things like “Charlie Kirk wasn’t racist! He just DISAGREED that black people had the mental capacity to have good jobs.”

Nobody:

My bank transfer:

I suppose this would be a good time to promote my new Custom Bullet Engraving Etsy Store

Before all these right wing snitches try to get everyone fired for being happy that a fascist piece of shit is dead, they should really think about next month’s jobs report. 😬

Is there a way to fly a flag at DOUBLE mast?

Careful everyone. You kill one Charlie Kirk and 20 more will pop up to debate you

RIP any work that needed to get done today.

Before you post something inflammatory about Charlie Kirk like "he was no angel" you should take a moment and reflect that he is ALSO not currently an angel.

I hope some lunatic on the right isn’t so radicalized by this shooting that they go on a rampage to kill like… multiple members of the Minnesota legislature and their families.

I’m in 4 fantasy football leagues and have successfully drafted every player in the NFL. Now when I watch games I just hope they have a fun time.

LEAKED PHOTO: Trump has been put on a respirator

First addition to the Vance Whitehouse