jay

abi coming here was what i needed to get out of my “fuck seattle” funk. next problem is getting over the fact that she’s not here when she goes home. thank god im packed next few weeks - home next week, then a break, then action bronson weekend, then nyc, and then FRED AGAIN! AND ABI RIGHT AFTER!!

i’m sitting at work tearing up listening to fred again… how lucky i am to be alive while fred makes music

rest in peace technoblade

rest in peace mac miller

a convo with a person about this exact thing (reciprocation in life, connection development) and they specifically just never do it.

i could’ve easily written all of this in my journal or something but i woke up feeling absolutely hollow and twitter fingers are the fastest.

and then i’ll be left with like this and reddit. worst platform i unironically feel like is imessage - people i’ve tried SO hard (both explicitly and implicitly) to develop a connection with just don’t reciprocate even the tiniest bit at all and that stuff makes me feel bad. worst is when you’ve had

but as soon as the micro-moment passes, the connection is gone. there’s only so much i can do, and it genuinely feels like having apps on my phone to theoretically connect with people is only destroying the sanity i have left. i’ve deleted insta and twitter, will delete messenger and snap soon.

attempting to stay in touch just leads to me pinging them a ton of times to no avail, not reaching out leads to a complete dissolution of connection. my role in so many people’s lives, both short and long term, has been someone that resolves an issue (plane tickets, job direction, cs project, etc.)

i’ve been fighting a losing battle with just the entirety of social connection ever since graduation. people are in different phases, locations, and mental states and the scope of connection (at least from a maintenance pov) seems to always fall squarely on my shoulders.

man this is therapeutic maybe i should make a burner on all social medias and just vent

why are all bulletin board tweet-esque platforms all shitters

nyc was great in its own right but even tho i’d see abir like once every couple of days it always felt like there was that next thing to look forward to and that feeling is so powerful because it gives people, in the least dramatic way, hope for something to l be excited abt

man at least no one besides abir knows me here i’m mad upset that i always organize plans w ppl i know and i for once wish that someone besides fred who’s a goat in his own right would reach out to me and ask to do some shit

i rlly just used bluesky as a place to whiteboard what became a tweet of me ranting about my lack of social awareness in on text

NOBODY DOES IT LIKE STEPH CURRY

also wtf is up with these ugly ass @‘s that everyone’s got

what even is the name of a tweet on bluesky

how much i gotta bluesky tweet to get an invite code dropped

ay yo what’s good bluesky

how the fuvk i got followers i didn’t even do shut yet

man got me bawling watching him hit a layup in kingfish next to some old head dubs fans this shit is beautiful bro

man nobody does it like stephen curry literally nobody