Sal Gentile

“the white house doctor has released a statement dismissing the speculation about the president’s health and explaining that he simply contracted the rash after boarding an alien vessel filled with eggs. he’s applying a standard cream until the lifeform bursts from his chest and the rash subsides”

thank you! very kind!

the fact that the administration is too lazy and incompetent to even try to sway public opinion on Iran should be a huge opportunity for the opposition but instead democrats are taking two days to organize a virtual conference call like they’re in a book club that got moved to zoom because of snow

we’re cursed to relive this cycle every 20 years until the pete hegseth skynet kills us all

every 20 years a republican president starts a war in the middle east and crashes the economy and everyone hates it and votes tnem out then a Dem takes over and conservatives whine about how the Dem is mean to them and everyone forgets and puts a republican back in and it happens all over again

like, I would reallly love it if at least person went on tv right now and said “don’t panic, it’s not skynet.” but I’m not hearing a lot of that!

is it just me or is it somewhat unnerving that the worst and dumbest people on earth are currently building an actual real life skynet

Donald Trump killed two of my constituents. He is a liar and should be ashamed of himself.

it’s oddly satisfying to watch trump and the GOP go through all the same coping mechanisms Dems and Biden went through. “if he just gives a great SOTU he’ll be back on track!” “he was high energy!” “he explained how actually the economy is awesome!” no one’s gonna remember any of this shit in 2 days

tellingly, the most devastating and honest assessments of trump often come from the people who know him best!

seriously why the fuck does this guy talk like this? “dare I say, pronouns?” you sound like an alien who learned how to speak by asking chatgpt “what are phrases earth humans say”

gavin newsom lecturing everyone else to be “normal” while he speaks with the bizarre cadence and syntax of an amazon echo that got dropped in the toilet

Don Jr retweeting a Nick Shirley claim that multiple voter registrations at one building prove there’s voter fraud

The community note pointing out the obvious explanation which is that multiple people live there

many have attempted over the past 10+ years to craft a nuanced theory of trumpism that grapples with the complexities of human behavior and political realignment but then you see stuff like this and it’s impossible to avoid the obvious which is that these are just the stupidest fucking morons alive

jack hughes did what donald trump never could: he owned canada

(clenching my teeth incredibly hard while I pretend for 5 minutes that politics doesn’t exist) GO USA

CO2 isn’t a pollutant, it helps plants grow. and another thing, why are we always putting out fires? they provide heat!

we really need to start wrapping our heads around the fact that if we ever get back into power there will have to be mass prosecutions of hundreds of people, from trump, noem and miller all the way down to ICE agents and the staff at dilley. anything less is complicity in state sponsored child abuse

there was nothing unusual about it at all, we were simply travelimg via boat through the caribbean with our multiple nannies when we stopped off for lunch on a private island with a billionaire registered sex offender. completely innocuous and normal. an all-american family vacation

(downloads duolingo for the first time) “whoa what’s with all the suspected political messages???”

Bad Bunny's halftime show ripped for language barrier, suspected political message

lmao “suspected political message,” they don’t even know if there was one but they’re mad anyway. try google translate you losers

let’s not lose sight of the biggest story from tonight: the jets drafted a super bowl winning quarterback

damn, we had a shot

patriots getting held to zero in a super bowl automatically resets society back to Factory Settings, we wake up tomorrow and donald trump is a rug salesman in queens, no one has heard of AI or crypto and all social media has been replaced by a Usenet forum for fans of Prog Rock

this game isn’t boring, the nfl is simply appealing to a global audience by incorporating more kicking into football

we’ve created an economy where people with ungodly wealth will spend $75 million to lose money on a melania movie but claim they can’t figure out a way to keep a famous newspaper alive or profit off shows that reliably produce mega-viral hits like this

less important point but just consider how many times this one clip has been viewed since last night (4 million on Instagram alone) and then contrast that with tech billionaires saying it’s “not profitable” to make these kinds of shows anymore. it quickly becomes very clear what’s really going on

The final scene of the blair witch project

everyone’s talking about the shocking final scene of the melania movie

wonder if this made it into the movie

We will find the identities of the federal agents and achieve justice for the murders of two American citizens under the Constitution and the laws of the United States. Period.

i really can’t imagine any amount of money or power that would entice me to allow myself to become this much of a demon. i would sooner sell all my posessions and become a Van Life guy than take a job where I have say something like “sorry, you’re not gonna find the men that abused the women”