Elle meno pea

Thought this little poem we received at last nights Girl Scout service unit meeting was a lovely reminder of why we do this hard work.

Messed up my knee at daughter’s first field hockey game. Wish it was a better story than “I stepped wrong” but such is being a 40-something.

Lots and lots of talking. How does the M/s impact the poly? What feels good or bad with the current versions of our bodies? Where can we feel more whole? What are we curious about?

We’ve had many of these talks before but we don’t come back and revisit as we change.

Sir and I got a lot of intimate time, including a deeply cathartic scene. His knuckles were literally bruised & battered, so were my back & shoulders. But I finally let some things go. It was ugly and hard and not the last of the work, but I felt so much lighter in the morning.

Coming to accept it’s not just Sir that sees me as part of the leather community. That I can wear my Wescos and leathergirl pin without being called a poser.

A conversation about imposter syndrome with folks I hold dear helped me use the words.

Seeing a woman who I don’t know well, but Sir does, be capped was lovely. The outpouring of love for her, the gratitude for her being in people’s lives was moving.

A workshop on perimenopause and how it impacts M/s was so affirming. Women sharing their experiences from an honest place tied with science have me a lot to think about. There was a lot about stepping into personal power here.

Many of the workshops I did attend were great.

We attended a long term (10+ years) intensive which was the instructors and 2 other couples. It was fantastic because of the intimacy and openness. All of us in different places but able to share the highs and lows.

We kept to our goal of minimal planning and it was fine. We didn’t attend every class slot and we didn’t force social meals. We enjoyed time together and with friends even if it meant we missed events.

We prioritized our own needs over the schedule. That was lovely.

Home safe from MsC. Unpacked except laundry, which I’ll deal with tomorrow. It wasn’t what I expected, but it was what I needed. Sir and I did an incredible amount of much needed relationship work that we now need to carry through.

More behind the thread cause not everyone digs authority exchange.

I don’t have many pictures from MsC, but I do keep laughing about this one. I was searching and searching for our MAsT chapter. I finally found it and of course we have to be different with our patch. MAsT Mass is quality but we’re always a little quirky.

Kids met their teachers. Son is on a list with the new principal, getting quizzed on math facts as we walked in the door. His new teacher was a math tutor so maybe she can help encourage too.

Daughter’s seat is next to the classroom library. Her current fandom in reach. Temptation!

Today I took part in CTs Women’s Shooting Day as part of the Becoming an Outdoorswoman program. I’ve done archery before but never shot a gun.

It was a great event. Shotgun was tough but later discovered I need to shoot lefty & that might of made life easier. Pics are pistols & rifle targets

So close to being an officially licensed professional engineer in NY and the paperwork is killing me.

Parents made jam with the kids, then took them to the dinosaur museum and a late lunch at the ferry landing. They are living the life.

Went to a site visit for work today. It’s a longstanding client and mostly checking the box to do a permit renewal.

Found a spill to the ground. Unclear how much oil went to the ground and more headaches all around.

Nothing ever easy.

Today’s daily tarot card - two of swords.

Seems fitting and I am struggling with motherhood & career this week. Also staying present in relationship challenge vs retreating to unhealthy patterns.

Sorry for potato quality pic.

Which I could love this more than once. It’s a trap I catch myself in sometimes, about pretty reference material instead of deeper understanding. I don’t absorb the info (and tbh don’t often return to it!). It’s the practice that matters.

Muggy, buggy 3 mile walk tonight. Loving this “welcoming” sign I passed.

Only one neighbor chat stop. Son’s classmate was hiding in a tree.

Todays daily tarot draw - six of wands

Success and progress.

Today doesn’t feel like much of a success. Moved some things forwards this morning, but work is rapidly picking up steam and it’s the end of summer chaos with no childcare. These few weeks always fill me with anxiety and stress.

For work i have accounts on a number of different state & federal websites for reporting data for clients.

Michigan, MiEnviro? - you are my nemisis.

Typing this while sitting in my 15 minute timeout because my password manager never seems to work for this one website.

Nice parent - took kids to get ice cream (well sorbet).

Mean parent - made them walk to go get it.

There are perks to living in a dense suburbia, and walkability is one of them.

I made a terrible error today.

I tried to do protein coffee with the powdered stuff I’ve had on a shelf for ages and it’s… awful. Awful awful awful.

The layer of M/s over polyamory makes things more complex - where am I truly accepting and where am I saying ok without the emotional work? What are my boundaries, 15+ years into this relationship?

I apologize for existing in his life. And the lives of other people too. Part of the heavy today was meta caught an inconsistency in agreements. I had weakened my ask to make it more palatable.

So more talking. More working.

It’ll all be ok, but damn polyamory is hard.

Heavy, complicated talks continue between Sir & I, meta & Sir. I’ve reached to her, but she’s still driving home and set no expectation of response.

Sir and I walked 5 miles this morning. As we were coming up with the plan he called me out for shrinking away.

Where does Avery’s enter this fight?

It can’t be Del’s because it doesn’t start off fully drinkable. It should be RI’s state slush (vs the rest of New England where it’s muddy wet snow rain).

Me trying to work through my life challenges.

I am afraid I will get Inundated with bots for this, but working on using the platform blah blah blah.

Proud to say I’m down 5% of my body weight since early July. Taking things careful and imperfect to avoid burnout, even if it is less intense, speedy results. Calorie counting & walking mostly.