Box of Scrap

scared

what the fuck brain
why did you decide to deep dive on unsettling shit after you said you'd try to sleep to someone
after logging out of something you were doing with that person to go to sleep

what the fuck
why did
why did my fucking brain choose this over hanging out with my friend

ankles bleeding a lot
didn't realize i was scratching it

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

waste of an email waste of an ult waste of time

this alt isn't even useful
all it is is screaming out to nobody
i can do that whenever

i made it to avoid bringing down the mood on main, while still
getting comfort and help

that practically never happens here
so i don't know why i made it

:<

please why can't i

6 in the morning just can't sleep

why is it so impossible for me to sleep

it's come to my attention i'm not feeling better

dogs fighting is great to wake up to
really gets your fear and panic and heart rate maxed out

sleep can wait for my brain to be in a less shaky state

don't want terrible dreams of terrible shit or thoughts keeping me up when i try sleeping

stabbing my tongue with a nail

silencing my words

and crushing my throat

to quiet down the screams

to let the void wash over me again

i will shut my eyes and hope to wake much calmer than now

an apology is not needed, is what you would say

i'll choose silence for the rest of time tonight

bye

my body ripping open

blood watering my flowers

which blooms a failing sight

vision blurry as they rot before me

body growing colder

shaking getting faster

a sense of serenity carried by the wind

the flowers seem so calm and still

my body seems so warm and nice

i'll shut my eyes and rest

can't climb out this time

the rope's long since snapped

can't see light this time

the lid has long since slammed

don't feel hope this time

i'm just thinking realistically now

forgetting help this time

i won't seek it out

descending deeper into the pitcher that is my mind

smelling the corpse flowers as they near full bloom

seeing the flytraps close around my hope

feeling the thorns grow across my throat

tasting the poison build on my tongue

hearing the buzzing of flies to rot

im falling further than last time

even now i scream into this void of a damn screen
hoping someone else would care
knowing someone else won't

typing and typing and typing as my body wastes and my room fills with rot

as my life breaks down and my hopes drain away

i don't have any place here
i don't have talent or humor

boring me

gods i'm so worthless

at the very least i wanted to draw well
or have a story people would care about
but
it's a mixture with nothing of quality or substance

mediocre art
mediocre poem
nothing about my characters story or lore has even existed in a while since the alt for that practically died too
i have no chance of fitting in when everyone else already has their place it feels

a main group, a semi-main group, a side group, the repliers,

and then me

make vent alt to not bother people with venting on main while still getting idfk support i guess
get nothing but void
make normal posts on normal account
a lot of it goes to the void too
don't bring anything new to this community anyways so why bother hoping people would care

at most 3 people check this account so i'm just going to forget trying to make sense

i fucking suck
absolutely gonna fall apart
not gonna get better

fuck my life :D

if it never will then why wait for it to

when does the happy show up

ehhhhh people dont care for me much

oh whatever they know more people and are more liked by people its only fair

oh thats nice
love seeing quote posts get the same amount of likes in literally 3 minutes than mine did in 16

yikes me that's an oopsie accidental bad thought time to shut up now and forget that one