Headline of the Day

That is what turns it from mindless vandalism to delicately considered art

Tewkesbury toilet jammed by 'avant-garde plumbing sabotage' A toilet is out of order after a vandal got creative with willow branches and chicken soup.

Toilet jammed by 'avant-garde plumbing sabotage'.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

'Person stuck in police car' turns out to be a CPR dummy A dummy used in first-aid training was mistaken for a real person when it was left in a police car.

'Person stuck in police car' actually a CPR dummy.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Dodgy broadband is ruining phone sex and funerals, research finds People reported missing out on once-in-a-lifetime concert tickets, losing job opportunities and even being unable to watch a family funeral online as a result of patchy wifi

Dodgy broadband is ruining phone sex and funerals - with 53% of Brits suffering problems with wifi.
www.nottinghampost.com/news/uk-worl...

Meet the kebab shop owner who walks through town centre with a squirrel on him A Sussex man who became best friends with a squirrel after rescuing it says the animal helped him through a very dark time

Meet the kebab shop owner who walks through town centre with a squirrel on him.
uk.news.yahoo.com/meet-kebab-s...

Multiple News Crews Catch Man Accused of Burglary — While Filming Segments About the Suspect A man accused of multiple burglaries is in custody after being caught on camera by news crews in Colorado that were reporting on his alleged crimes.

Multiple news crews catch man accused of burglary — while filming segments about the suspect.
people.com/news-anchor-...

Brown bear heavyweight Chunk wins Fat Bear Week despite injury - BBC News The bear was praised for his resilience and adaptability after beginning the contest with a broken jaw.

Brown bear heavyweight Chunk wins Fat Bear Week despite injury.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

This reminds me of an absolute classic from the Headline of the Day archive...

Street artist Wanksy spray paints penises around potholes to get them filled.
www.cbc.ca/news/trendin...

Florida woman wins Mortal Kombat tournament playing with newborn baby in arms - Dexerto A mother is going viral after winning a Mortal Kombat tournament while holding her five-day-old daughter in her arms.

Florida woman wins Mortal Kombat tournament playing with newborn baby in arms.
www.dexerto.com/mortal-komba...

I don't do politics on this account but I will make an exception for an alleged tax-dodging donkey field

Starmer denies putting ‘donkey field’ in trust to avoid inheritance tax The Prime Minister bought the land behind his parents’ house in 1996 to use as a donkey sanctuary

Starmer denies putting ‘donkey field’ in trust to avoid inheritance tax.
www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/poli...

Apropos nothing at all, this is from Romps, Tots and Boffins.

'I've grown a 6.5m cucumber in my Midlands home garden and it's broken 4 world records for home-grown veg' A world champion Midlands 'big veg' grower says he's had his best year ever - beating four global records alone in 2025.

'I've grown a 6.5m cucumber in my Midlands home garden and it's broken 4 world records for home-grown veg'.
www.shropshirestar.com/news/2025/09...

Hits from the bong: music obsessives rescue the sound of Spain’s ancient bells For centuries bells were the fastest means of communication, calling people to meetings, warning about wildfires, and were even believed to offer protection from storms – now they are being given a ne...

Hits from the bong: music obsessives rescue the sound of Spain’s ancient bells.
www.theguardian.com/music/2025/s...

Fish Buttholes May Be The Reason We Now Have Fingers, Study Finds The reason we humans have fingers today may all be thanks to a fish's clacker.

Fish buttholes may be the reason we now have fingers, study finds.
www.sciencealert.com/fish-butthol...

Chimps 'lager a day' in ripe fruit fuels drunken monkey theory Scientists say chimps consume the equivalent of a bottle of lager a day from dining on ripe fruit.

Chimps drinking a lager a day in ripe fruit, study finds.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

"I swear, it's bigger on the inside..."

At least he's ready if there's ever an 8 minute warning...

Doctor who left patient during operation to have sex with nurse allowed to practise Medical tribunal rules ‘very low risk’ of Suhail Anjum, who had been dismissed by hospital in Greater Manchester, repeating behaviour

Doctor who left patient during operation to have sex with nurse allowed to practise. (Thanks @john3ners.bsky.social!)
www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025...

Cheating scandal rocks world stone skimming championships Several competitors on the Scottish island of Easdale used stones that were ground down to be perfectly circular.

Cheating scandal rocks world stone skimming championships.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Mosquitos like to bite beer drinkers who recently had sex Drinking beer and having sex may increase your chances of getting bitten by mosquitos, according to a new study. The discovery, which marks the largest study to date on what attracts mosquitoes, hints...

Mosquitos like to bite beer drinkers who recently had sex.
www.thedrinksbusiness.com/2025/09/mosq...

Nuns on the run!!

Defiant nuns flee Austrian care home for their abandoned convent in the Alps Sisters Bernadette, Regina and Rita needed a locksmith to get back into their convent, defying Church leaders.

Defiant nuns flee care home for their abandoned convent in the Alps.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Well there I was hoping it was going to be a choral rendition of WAP, but it turns out to just be weaponised psalms!

Lincoln cat travels over 30 miles to Nottingham pub - twice Peanut has managed to twice find his way from Lincoln to Castle Rock Brewery in Nottingham.

Runaway cat travels over 30 miles to pub - twice!
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

They are a prophetic publication at times...

Set a two TikTok toilet limit to reduce haemorrhoid risk, doctors advise Study finds scrollers are more prone to piles than those who go to the lavatory without phones

Set a two TikTok toilet limit to reduce haemorrhoid risk, doctors advise. (Thanks @john3ners.bsky.social!)
www.theguardian.com/science/2025...

It's been a while since we've seen our favourite superhero in a headline!

(Florida Man, obvs)

Florida man wearing Batman pajamas thwarts burglary, detains suspect before police arrive A Florida man dressed in Batman pajamas confronted a burglar in his neighbor's garage, according to police.

Florida man wearing Batman pajamas thwarts burglary, detains suspect before police arrive.
abcnews.go.com/US/florida-m...