There's an a in 'deaf' but you can't hear it.
02.10.2025 20:22 β π 87 π 34 π¬ 6 π 0There's an a in 'deaf' but you can't hear it.
02.10.2025 20:22 β π 87 π 34 π¬ 6 π 0When I find myself in times of trouble bob the grocer comes to me speaking words of wisdom ᴬᴡ˒ᴸᴱ α΅α΄΄α΄Ώα΄±α΄±
02.10.2025 20:47 β π 69 π 15 π¬ 3 π 0
"I have a problem with potion control."
-fat wizard
GIRLFRIEND: So tell me something I don't already know about you.
ME: During October I call my Dyson 'Count Vacula'
HER: I need to see other people.
BREAKING: donald trump has died by quicksand. it got all in his hair and everything
03.10.2025 21:00 β π 113 π 12 π¬ 4 π 1*googles βbeginner butt plugsβ on your work computer*
03.10.2025 20:31 β π 22 π 8 π¬ 1 π 0A euphemist? ππ Congratulations @scottzilla667.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social π΄ββ οΈ
29.08.2025 16:49 β π 9 π 5 π¬ 0 π 0[trying to open a packet of hotdogs but I can't because I refuse to slow down on my run]
26.05.2025 20:02 β π 157 π 56 π¬ 5 π 0
[Clown School]
Teacher: Oh very well done..That nose..Those shoes..The suit..Hilarious
Me: i just came to pick up my son
tai chi is short for taiwanese chicken
27.05.2025 19:26 β π 511 π 114 π¬ 14 π 4Do NOT practice your sweet yet overly-difficult broadsword moves near a playground. Kids are shit at triage
27.05.2025 19:31 β π 42 π 9 π¬ 0 π 0Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers my pharmily.
27.05.2025 19:40 β π 359 π 98 π¬ 10 π 0after that shipβs botched launch, Kim Jong Un gave the crew a stern warning . trying to maintain an even keel, he then took a bow please donβt unfollow me i have a familyπ
27.05.2025 19:03 β π 77 π 21 π¬ 11 π 0
Me: You kids don't know how easy you've got it. When I was your age, we had to flip through drawers of cards to find out if the library even had the book we were looking for, regardless of whether it was checked out.
Random kid at the pool: What's a book?
[1513 BC]
kid: I donβt have to follow your stupid rules. itβs not like theyβre written in stone
Moses: what
restaurant called NEW FONG
who dis ?
25.04.2025 20:22 β π 347 π 65 π¬ 9 π 2[hearing police sirens in the distance] omg babe they're playing our song
15.05.2025 18:18 β π 276 π 113 π¬ 4 π 2fool me once, that is IT. i have a zero tolerance fool policy you son of a bitch
16.05.2025 13:36 β π 392 π 55 π¬ 10 π 0
DETECTIVE: we need to figure out who committed this murder
DEFLECTIVE: I think you did it
[after a truck with a βdo not followβ sign pulls in front of me] OH NO
16.05.2025 16:21 β π 31 π 8 π¬ 1 π 0Wanking Beauty
16.05.2025 17:17 β π 4 π 1 π¬ 0 π 1The Little Wankmaid
16.05.2025 17:23 β π 4 π 2 π¬ 0 π 1[whenever I see two otters] I wonder if they're brotters
16.05.2025 19:37 β π 149 π 51 π¬ 11 π 1i once got lost between Alaska & Russia cuz i couldnβt get my berings straight . folks,,
16.05.2025 13:48 β π 830 π 166 π¬ 33 π 5Taze me once, shame on you; taze me twice, I've snuck back into the zoo
07.05.2025 18:46 β π 187 π 53 π¬ 2 π 1if i'm in the mood for some jazz i just throw an orchestra down the stairs
07.05.2025 15:03 β π 374 π 129 π¬ 13 π 1Why did they call it bacon fat and not oinkment omg I'm so sorry
08.05.2025 10:40 β π 3292 π 326 π¬ 110 π 20
hereβs why you keep waking up to pee in the middle of the night
is it bc you have to pee, itβs bc you have to pee isnβt it
27.03.2025 21:49 β π 718 π 95 π¬ 35 π 5
Her: You're sure to get awards for Most Ostentatious Costume and Most Adorned Costume.
Him: I seek wins with this sequence of sequins!
So much better than my Attack Shack...
03.05.2025 16:32 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0