I’m already tired next week.
25.01.2026 19:41 — 👍 42 🔁 21 💬 0 📌 0I’m already tired next week.
25.01.2026 19:41 — 👍 42 🔁 21 💬 0 📌 0Stay the fuck away and chill?
25.01.2026 18:05 — 👍 22 🔁 12 💬 0 📌 0The sluttiest thing a person can do is stay the fuck away from me.
25.01.2026 17:46 — 👍 18 🔁 9 💬 1 📌 0Waiting to get pounded by a snow storm just to feel something.
25.01.2026 04:43 — 👍 19 🔁 8 💬 0 📌 0more like Splice Girls amirite
25.01.2026 11:36 — 👍 25 🔁 10 💬 1 📌 0
Ironic isn’t it? Had an ICE thug been hurt at the very same location 5 minutes earlier, Alex would have dropped everything to save his life.
But 5 minutes later….
Whenever I type "imho" all I see is I'm a ho
25.01.2026 23:40 — 👍 154 🔁 40 💬 11 📌 1The forgotten work bag banana held its own.
22.01.2026 20:07 — 👍 44 🔁 16 💬 6 📌 0My favourite thing about starting a vacation is watching miserable couples travel together
26.01.2026 00:17 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Can’t, I’m doing self loathing January.
12.01.2026 22:28 — 👍 32 🔁 19 💬 0 📌 0What’s a little ass eating between friends?
21.01.2026 22:46 — 👍 21 🔁 12 💬 0 📌 0
Don’t be an ass, eat an ass.
-Inspirational.
What I like most about BlueSky is how on twitter I always felt like I was an outsider looking in and I do here too, so it really feels just like home.
11.12.2024 23:43 — 👍 630 🔁 188 💬 19 📌 3
Once upon a time my wife would bend me to her will using just her feminine charm coupled with the threat of withholding ‘favours’. These days all it takes is the tactical deployment of a bacon sammich.
To be honest, we’re both happier for it.
Relationship status: staring wistfully at store mannequins dressed in yoga pants for just a few seconds longer than is decent in polite society.
16.01.2026 14:24 — 👍 177 🔁 63 💬 6 📌 0You can tell a lot about a person if you read their biography.
15.01.2026 14:42 — 👍 181 🔁 67 💬 2 📌 0I just discovered that you can buy anyone if the price is right, and it turns out that I'm available for a bacon sandwich and a quarter bottle of rubbing alcohol.
14.01.2026 13:58 — 👍 124 🔁 55 💬 7 📌 0
Welcome to your 40s.
You now have a pair of reading glasses in every room of the house.
People don’t spontaneously combust like they used to.
15.01.2026 22:02 — 👍 66 🔁 22 💬 0 📌 2Coffee because I’m too pretty for jail.
15.01.2026 18:53 — 👍 25 🔁 10 💬 0 📌 0As soon as somebody tells me they’re a Christian, they become red flag immediately.
16.01.2026 13:04 — 👍 33 🔁 8 💬 1 📌 0Nowadays it’s all “alpha to ozempic”
16.01.2026 13:05 — 👍 9 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0
On the hunt for pedophiles…?
Check the church first.
my weight loss plan is vomiting if I even glance at the news
23.10.2025 12:06 — 👍 78 🔁 20 💬 2 📌 1Having a black cat means sometimes I talk to a sweater on my bed.
15.11.2024 11:52 — 👍 2205 🔁 379 💬 91 📌 27If you scream sing Phantom of the Opera throughout the day, more times than not, people will leave you alone.
13.01.2026 12:26 — 👍 127 🔁 49 💬 11 📌 0is that a skeet in your pocket or are you just happy to see me
14.01.2026 00:09 — 👍 59 🔁 20 💬 8 📌 0I think we can stop calling them “ICE agents” and just refer to them as domestic terrorists because that’s exactly what they are
14.01.2026 01:17 — 👍 54 🔁 18 💬 0 📌 1
They want to light the match
You best bring the fucking petrol,baby
opening a portal to Hell
y'all need anything?