Goose, one loose bulb

They say do what you love and that is why I’m doing nothing.

I have bad news for you…

Makes for a beautiful feed! 🌺

Maybe tomorrow 🫶

Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la, go fuck yourself

jimmy fallon is such a pathetic corporate shill that if you cut him he’d probably bleed diet pepsi (please do not cut him, diet pepsi is terrible)

I actually spun around once with knife in my hand and stabbed my friend in the back. Never. Lived. It. Down.

String theory, but it’s just me talking about mozzarella

Greg.

So here’s my plan go back time find the guy who first called a cup of coffee a cup of “joe” (wtf) hand him a bottle of jolt cola instead which i went back in time previously to get then idk i didnt really plan this out after that

don’t get mad. get odd. like incredibly odd. show up in a clown suit to their work. draw potatoes on all their mirrors. make them be afraid.

I want to be a “christmas expert” so I can go on TV and say things like “I like a fat santa”

Lulu, black cat, sitting on an outdoor chair, wondering why there are no treats on the balcony.

Worf (Star Trek) on a Dwarf (Gimli from Lord of the Rings).

you’ve definitely heard of elf on the shelf but are you ready for

You should have to pay fines if you are a shitty person

If they really wanted to bring civility back to air travel, they'd bring back luxury blimps, and give us 3 months vacation every year to enjoy cocktails, conversation, and quiet starlit skies.

Thank you, lovely siren! ❤️

Multitask… ADHD… oh look, there’s that gadabout squirrel again *shakes fist*

We’re never on the path alone. Schmoops ❤️

If the world treated themselves the way you would treat them, there would be world peace. ❤️

I’m sorry, I’ve had a rocky relationship with meds, but accepting that they are a piece of the puzzle still empowers me to do the other work for my health n happiness ❤️ you are more than your brain chemistry

Awww, you numpties! ❤️

I thought so too, but apparently I needed another squeeze of lime

I am going to bring back ‘Numpty’

Gone the way of the scamps and scallywags…

Where have all the whippersnappers gone?!?

We never hear about “rapscallions” anymore

I don’t know,luvs
Maybe eat a girl salad whilst syncing up our cycles and carrying a sword about it

It is with a full heart and belly that I gladly accept this prestigious Dunkin Donut Peace Prize and hash brown

saving up my love and i can't wait to spend it all on you