Azfang, Keeper of Animals ✅

New tinfoil hat conspiracy: they started making AI nonsense so that people will assume pictures of the president are fake.

This isn’t immediately relevant, but it’s a pet peeve, so while we’re complaining about websites every time I start typing and then it pops up with a request for me email I want to kick a puppy.

Like. NPR is standing up as best it can to the cut off from funding and all and I respect that.

But the journalism industry is struggling with right wing lies and that’s a lot of words for “the regime lied.”

No no, not the real 2019. The rose tinted 2019 they remember as being “not 2020.”

I mean…I think Goth IHOP has achieved a critical math of online weirdos ready to manifest it into being.

True fact: I keep a hi-vis vest in my truck specifically for shenanigans. Like sometimes people ask me to pick their locks when they lost their key or their dog sitter had a crisis to deal with or whatever and yeah, you can get away with anything with a reflective vest.

Okay I hate to be cruel but you know they lie like they breathe, right? Like reporting that the regime said something is up there with posting a recording of a bat squeaking in terms of information conveyed.

Not at all the biggest point here, but what the fuck is with his hair.

Guy. You can just fellate the man without adopting his hairstyle. His brain is pudding, he can’t even tell anymore.

I mean I could make bread? I eat a lot of bread.

This was crafted in a lab to cause me, personally, to have a stroke.

Stay the course. They’ll come back.

I mean…yeah it’s analogous to Kirk.

This is a terrible thing and I hate that our society has decayed to the point where it happens to people.

But like. It’s also happening to *this* jackass, so, who can say if it’s good or bad?

We could crowd fund you a copy of Campaign for North Africa, to handle the stubborn cases!

…you could start advertising your mercy kill services to unsatisfied spouses.

“I take your spouse to games night, and your marriage out back.”

A bird flaring its wings, clumsily rotated and cropped so its wings are up, captioned “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED” The eyes carry a subtle, undefinable spark of defiance.

This pigeon is unimpressed by more exotic birds.

He traffics cocaine.

(Where the writer can hear. It doesn’t count if they do it while I’m not listening.)

Am…am I just confused? ‘Cause I read it making fun of “communist” as an insult/verbal tic, unrelated to actual communist societies.

YouTube video by The Elephant Graveyard How Comedy Was Destroyed by an Anti-Reality Doomsday Cult

He’s on the YouTubes! He makes essays that are simultaneously funny, thoughtful, and *super* harsh on Joe Rogan.

youtu.be/ewvRS3NwIlQ?...

We’ve all had that morning.

Living beautifully, duh. Didn’t you catch the jingle?

A clumsily photoshopped image of pickup trucks lined up, each with a giant edge of cheese in the bed. I’m not sorry.

Might I present: the cheesiest pickup line I’ve ever seen.

That’s why they’re called a complete cookie. No one has ever taken a bite out of one.

I have no idea what this is about.

And so I feel the sinking dread of another episode of “Are we annoyed about a random teenager on the internet or the president?”

Well, nothing a pardon and a cabinet position can’t fix.

okay but you are denying the sickos our opportunity to rubberneck and artificially restricting our blocked account score.

We have so little. You would deny us this? 🥺

Today, as you know, is Juneteenth, observing the end of chattel slavery in the US.

So if you have any republicans in your life, give them some space to process their grief over this attack on their values.

I think the word you’re looking for is “morning.”

Oh, sure, but the labeling is likely unreliable. I’m just spitballing, but it might be valuable to have someone have something explicitly promising they used tallow or whatnot.

(I actually make soap from time to time. Lard works well but olive oil is my favorite.)

You can still buy canned whole chicken! Because God is either unaware of the horrors in His realm or powerless to alter His creation!