Beeves, but over here

Your soulmate is not buried under a coy, disinterested exterior. Your soulmate is absurdly delighted to talk to you, immediately.

Don’t spend your time digging. Spend your time building yourself, and your people will see it and come running.

We’re not the only species with homosexuality but we are, as far as I know, the only species with homophobia

Some guy: “is this Tool?”

Me: no it’s traditional Mongolian music

Guy: “oh it reminds me of Tool, they sample music like this. I like them cause they’re really innovative you’ll hear rhythms you won’t hear anywhere else.”

Me: Anywhere else other than… the music they sample?

“Release the Epstein files!”

Why?

“Because then we’ll finally have proof that DJT is exactly the kind of person we could all assume he is”

And this would… do what exactly?

“Alienate his base!!”

… the people who think Joe Biden made a hurricane with lasers? You think they care about evidence?

My dad had a machete in the garage when I was a kid and when he told me what it was I thought he was lying

I was like “you don’t have a machete dad you weren’t in Nam”

If a country’s people have to turn out in record numbers and coordinate flawless grassroots effort every four (really two) years to narrowly stave off a catastrophic descent into fascism, that’s a failing state

If we have a problem with kings we should have a problem with thrones

Hahaaaaaa get rekt Kim Davis

Can my UK folks please chime in and explain for the class how it makes you feel that Trump is calling the violent ICE occupation of Chicago “Operation Midway Blitz”?

Do we think snowboard-daddling would be ski-daddling with an edgy rebellious style

I really think we should start thinking of careers as young careers vs middle aged careers

The way my design career absolutely took off when I entered my 30s purely because I started being taken seriously

And now I’m regretting not spending that time doing the fun jobs you do in your 20s

This is a great way of putting it

I do tend to give NYC grief for acting like it’s the center of the world — but I think it’s worth pointing out that it is basically a country by most economic and cultural measures. What happens in NYC is very important.

Mamdani winning is internationally and historically significant.

Suburban stoplights have robbed so much life from me

I was not born to sit in this left turn lane observing the pleasantries of the state for EteRnity

Celtic mythology be like

“This man killed fifty hundred people with his teeth because he wanted their land and he’s so badass and cool”

“This woman suggested killing a dozen people because she is so evil and heartless, just like a woman”

Making friends with me is very easy you just have to A) look uncomfortable at a social gathering or B) notice that I’m uncomfortable at a social gathering

Biggest oof that’s rough buddy. The getting back together part is wild.

Actually wild that you don’t have to register bolt cutters

Like you can just walk into Home Depot and buy them in cash and then you just have the key to the city, untracked unsupervised

At last

“Ugh women see men as disposable”

babe where?? The hottest women I’ve ever met will pull a disheveled man out of a public ashtray and put years of effort into restoring him piece by piece like a rusted out Buick

“Yeah I have to keep bribing the HOA to let me keep him but it’s a labor of love 🤭🥰”

It’s not an inability. It’s deliberate. It’s a calculation of “how do I take this IP with a following of tens of millions and fold it into my rhetorical pipeline?”

“42 million people without food” needs to be investigated by international criminal court.

Someone needs to be deposed for this.

I cannot believe how demure and nonviolent we’re being about it.

Living in a country with free speech means you can go out in public and say Marx had good points

Living in a country without free speech means if your president says Marx had good points, the US has them assassinated

If we put all rich people on blast for SA and abusive behavior the way we do with the famous ones, we wouldn’t have a restaurant industry anymore

To be clear, we should do that

What if everybody bought everyone a poetry book for Christmas this year

Imagine if that just became a thing and all of a sudden the writers who all lost their jobs to AI got an actual income

Just a thought

Lukewarm take: if not for US interventionism in Latin America, many Latin countries would have far more mature and stable economies and governments, and their people wouldn’t be immigrating to the US en masse to escape economic hardship and political violence

If it sounds insane to ‘deport’ someone to a country they’ve never been to, that’s because it is.

Please also be mad when your government proposes “shipping” houseless people to municipalities they aren’t from.

Displacement is violence.

When someone looks like a whole straight man and then refers to themselves as a “Costco girlie” 👀🫰

Someone from science tell me if I’m being a dumbass but I truly wonder if some people are just naturally nocturnal

Cause like what do you mean we were lanky hairless ground apes living in groups of 20 and sleeping at night and nobody was just up lookin at the moon? Just in case of cougars?

Thanks buddy today’s flavor is The Government Has Stopped Giving My Mother Her Food Money Because They Are Throwing Their Annual Tantrum