Matt Crowley

In past years I would highly recommend @knottsberryfarm.bsky.social Scary Farm to everyone I know in LA. This year I would tell them to skip it in favor of Horror Nights. Never thought I would see the day.

Bummer that @knottsberryfarm.bsky.social clearly got rid of a bunch of scare actors at Knotts Scary Farm. Cutbacks hobbling an institution. Might not be back next year.

these rich guys getting public pay bumps and bonuses -- one of them is about to have as much wealth as 59% of the rest of Americans combined -- if i was one of these guys i'd probably be like "okay, okay we gotta ease up, this is going to be extremely unpopular and dangerous"

Trump Cutbacks Force FAA To Unplug Giant Magnet That Keeps Planes In Air

Trump Cutbacks Force FAA To Unplug Giant Magnet That Keeps Planes In Air
theonion.com/trump-c...

At your office, you have a normal break room. But on Severance, their break room is fucked up and scary. At your office, when you “look at the numbers,” they’re normal. But on Severance, their numbers are fucked up and scary. Best show on TV!

Devil: Welcome to Hell!
Me: Well it’s nice that they’re making me feel welcome here at least.

The first Senators to actually do anything about the Trump admin

Is there a word for when a bunch of private citizens following orders from an unelected billionaire occupy government buildings and cut off communications

i think it is important to say that the open and explicit racism of the president and the vice president isn’t just uncouth or “controversial” but a direct attack on tens of millions of americans and a dereliction of their duty to represent the entire country

Genuinely what is the over under on RFK Jr having murdered someone?

I don’t like gallows humor because if you ask me the gallows are actually sad and depressing, not very funny.

the thing about the meaning of the birthright citizenship clause in the constitution is that just because you can *imagine* a world where there *might have been* a debate over its scope doesn't mean there was *actually* a debate over its scope

Starting on BlueSky after deleting Twitter is like packing it all up and moving to a different country where no one’s heard your shitty jokes.

Anti-semitism will not be tolerated in any form. Except for the most famous form of all time. That one is probably a coincidence

If I was a cannibal I wouldn’t be all pretentious about it

When someone tells me they don’t watch movies I just assume they spend 2 - 4 hours per day stating at a blank wall instead

Bummer that the world is ending

It is remarkable that there are still people who believe that the reason hundreds of thousands of people have nowhere to live is that we haven’t made having nowhere to live unpleasant enough.

So I Married An Axe Murderer is better than Wayne’s World fight me

I know it sucks because we’re living through it but it is scientifically interesting to see a billionaire devote all his money and thousands of employees and the entire governmental power of the United States to make his posts good and still not manage to do it

My thing on BlueSky is going to be “not having any good posts.”

I never have time to relax, I’m too busy procrastinating.

Lightning McQueen: I can’t move! My driver is dead!

(his door swings open. A very old man is handcuffed to the steering wheel)

Mater: Don’t ya fret, Lightning! We’ll hunt down a new driver for you in the Human Lands

I’m not too worried about another holocaust happening here. For one thing, our rail infrastructure is too shitty for cattle cars.

Already mad that I don’t have enough followers.

Oh no.