Uboa

ok turns out my ocd is not in remission. just like... not as bad. i didn't realise this entire thinking pattern is not remotely normal or sustainable. actually going to get 40 mental illnessess at this rate. its like pokemon and every pokemon is the white hand sprite

thats ok, although I will make sure I can get the study as soon as I can - if there is a safety risk -- or if we have a new poorly done or small study scaring OCD people like me out of perfectly safe healthcare... either way it should be readable by the people the study is about

It's either that or I do my song title and detransition. Which I ain't gonna do. I'd rather have a stroke than detransition. But I'd rather not have a stroke.

I am sorry everybody, but if my HRT-specialist GP (and my endo) says I have a stroke risk - I am going to listen to the medical specialist.

Basically, TL;DR - need to avoid injectables and 'hondose' for safety. Had low iron likely from covid messing with my gut. Only way I can adequately and safely suppress T is via orchi or vaginoplasty. Spiro, cypro/progestins and monotherapy will make me sick - dangerously - in different ways.

This is messed up. I hope she is wrong, but I guess when that paper is released we'll find out.

Currently going back on pills, upping bica to 75mg a day and got an urgent thingy with my endo. I am sorry fellow dolls but I need to trust my doctors with this one. I am gonna rest for a bit.

I've had a miserable day.

I dearly hope the research the GP is citing is wrong, as everybody who does injectables is at risk of strokes. But she personally has seen 300 transfem patients, 7-8 had strokes. If I get a stroke, I will be ineligible for bottom surgery if I survive.

I am going to try and get a consult for bottom surgery and I have little choice to make a gofundme. Plus, I have FFS complications (weird bone growth) which due to being "cosmetic" cannot be fixed for free. It will likely be 20k all up. Plus I have to likely quit being veg.

Basically since the free waitlist is 5 years long, I am planning to go private with bottom surgery (or at least an orchi) - as either its possible stroke or slow detransition. Spiro is bad for me, Cypro and all progestins cause depression, monotherapy is strokes and I need ultra-high for suppresion.

However, I am not absorbing iron - so my exhaustion is mostly explained by that. Likely genetic. My infusion was not enough.

However, I am out of options minus bottom surgery for T suppression unless I want to risk a stroke.

apparantly there is an upcoming study showing the stroke risk of injectables is quite high that is still in the convention phase that my HRT-specialist GP was at. especially if you absorb E really well. I am in particular high risk, especially post-covid. I am hoping to get the source...

latest results

levels were ~700 - felt gross still
T was in 30s, less due to bica, bica not fully effective
was told not to use injections as I am at high stroke risk (I have ultra high absoprtion of it E, BP spikes from MCAS/stress. the GP had 5-7 cases of HRT strokes from DIY.

Might be genetic. Given I am hypermobile, have a bunch of weird sensitivities, low T and high E without HRT... it could be anything. And whatever it is massively affects my quality of life - especially as it modulates my POTS, and the system is indifferent to help.

I just worry because I am chronically ill and my estrogen method affects my POTS severity + cannot legally access the only method that works for me (injections) I might have to choose between a good GP or a good hormone regime. Hoping my new one is harm minimisation.

Restarted injections today and feel better, however no idea what to do with my gp. I wish we had legal option for it here, but aus heavily gatekeeps as we don't really do the "Freedom" thing here. I feel a bit better, but has not fixed my POTS.

can confirm the vial is ethanate and good based on where/who i got it from. not from random place online. the rest I'll have to divulge over signal - just not had the energy to set up an account.

I still felt awful in the crashes. it was like my brain telling me I *needed* very high estrogen, far higher than most.

"your dosage would have been 4mg per week, then at 0.08 the dosage would have been closer to 3mg per week" according my friend/housemate who helped me out. I had absurdly high levels so we lowered the dose. again, 40 pmol concentration and it was estradiol ethanate

Post by @uboatheflesh 💬 0  🔁 0  ❤️ 1 · Regarding my genius page. ·  For a while I maintained that I did not want people making their own interpretations of the lyrics on the Origin of my Depression. At the time, i was…

btw before I attempt to sleep: you can annotate the origin of my depression now. I go into detail why here.

I do but rarely use it and not too sure if it works. I use whatsapp?

oh, I can't receive DM's as due to australian underage social media ban and I don't trust my documents with the company. I have an email: uboatheflesh (at) gmail (dot) com

thanks so much for you help, gonna be honest this is the first time I've heard somebody say there's hope.

we need more warnings about it. it's the default in australia - usually progynova pills, patches or implants + quarter tablet of cypro every 2 days. I've known several people nearly take their lives from the PMDD depression because they get gaslit it isn't PMDD as we are "biologically male" 😡

They actually didn't. The would carefully warn of the risks but not stop me - and suggested my health issues had nothing to do with hormones. They may not be caused in the last instance by them... but I suspect they are modulated by them.

found the vial (sorry its 4am here) estradiol enanthate 40mg/ml, and yeah weekly, sometimes 8 days if ADHD or illness kicks in. I cannot remember how much I'd inject as it was a year ago - subcutaneous (around the belly fat). Would have to ask my housemate how much i took, but less than most.

Thyriod was checked a few months ago - normal (164 nmol). Cortisol a lowish, but not in hypothyriod ranges. SHBG was very high (136). Low Iron (23-55) had an infusion, no difference just yet but still waiting). Low vitamin D now fixed. I got everything checked that you could in australia.

main cause of low BP is eating food. main cause of high BP is... not eating food or taking the ketotfen. I swear when i was above WPATH levels of E it didn't happen, but I was repeatedly told to lower my levels and im kinda angry, confused and a little scared im going to have a stroke from neglect

I honestly need to be put in a lab to isolate the variables. I left my old GP for a new one as the entire chaos kinda burnt us both out from each other.

What's worrying and dangerous is my BP occasionally zooms between "fainting low" (below 110/80) to "stroke high" (160/110)

However, POTS also worsened after a virus. Currently on ketotfen for controlling me being "IBS allergic to all food" which causes the dysautonomia. It's impossible to isolate causality.

One thing I do know is I have PMDD - cypro made me depressed. 200mg prog fixed it - usually oral.

Previous I had an implant and had only slightly lower levels than injection until it depleted - then I started feeling chronically ill as if it was menopausal. TBH, the POTS/MCAS thing feels like menopause, but my E levels were still about 1000 when feeling ick. POTS worsened after the implant.

40p/mol concentration, roughly once a week. chronic illness and slight hypochondria about fucking up the needle made it hard to keep up. Levels would shoot up like crazy. Would crash the night before my next injection, despite high troughs, and would feel more POTSy.

well, hot dog! guess who is number 1 ?