Max

Gardeners learn by trowel and error.

#LunchPun

(new joke book available - see my pinned post)

Wore skimpy nightwear to work and got fired for gross négligénce.

(new joke book available - see my pinned post)

Yet...

Was going to say that I got a job at that factory as a product tester.

But I didn't want to rub it in.

Do Dr Jekyll's potions have a beast before date?

(new joke book available - see my pinned post)

For World Book Day I've sent my kid to school dressed up as an atlas.

#LunchPun #WorldBookDay2026

(new joke book available - see my pinned post)

I was going to say this. And also the many countries/fans who are likely to overtly mock him. He may have 40% of Americans behind him, but that drops off a LOT overseas.

Got a car from Central America that only has one pedal.

Makes it go?

No, Panama.

(new joke book available - see my pinned post)

People think it’s weird that I’ve had my eyes surgically moved to the sides of my head.

To be fair, I can see where they’re coming from.

PS. New pun book out - see my pinned post...

The local council says installing more public urinals is their number one priority.

#LunchPun

When I got a job applying lipstick to anesthetised pandas, I knew I was just there to make-up the numb bears.

(new joke book available - see my pinned post)

Joke book cover. The title is 'The best thing till sliced bread' - a compundium of jokes by Max Harvey

I have published a giant compundium of jokes!
It contains jokes from my previous mini books, plus hundreds more (about 900 in total).
Available on Kindle or in hard copy versions... amzn.eu/d/05cmv8LU

Please share if you'd be so kind...

Want to design an alternative to the Mohs scale.

I mean, how hard can it be?

#LunchPun

My MC skills are beyond compère.

Two polar bears adrift at sea fell in love when their ice met.

I'm feeling emotional after scoring for my American Football team this weekend

A touchdown?

No, really happy.

#LunchPun

What do you call a woman who used to do horse impressions?

Sinéad.

Call that a machete?

That's not a machete.

THIS is a machete.

Wrote an album about braiding hair.

It went plaitin' 'em.

Stevie Wonder used to employ me to make his hand garments, two days a week.

I was his part time glover.

Etiquette:

What polite Parisians buy to ride le métro.

#LunchPun

My friend loves driving cars in Welsh demolition derbies.

Wrexham?

That's the general idea, yeah.

You may believe that Jennifer Lopez is a geologist, but don't be fooled by the rocks that she got.

Written a book about a couple who bond over their mutual love of dried out animal skins

I'm calling it Withering Hides.

#LunchPun

I avoid parking charges by eating the tickets.

I love a spot of fine dining.

My wife said she wanted to get something off her chest.

I said surgery was a drastic option, but I was sympathetic about her back pain.

#LunchPun

Does Robbie say dangerous to suggest Shriver is brave in this context? To stand up to those awful leftists I mean...

It means spiritually empty. If you sense your stomach is experiencing ennui, then don't take the meds.