Rick McClelland

Wedding season is upon us and so it’s time we all decided: what would be the absolute worst songs to walk down the aisle to? I’ll start:

Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter by Iron Maiden

i think i’m just going to let the haters win because i’m also my biggest hater.

checkmate, haters, i win (but i’m not happy about it, god i hate this)

“Clean as a whistle”

oh, the thing that everybody spits into? great

a man says " hope to hear from you soon " while looking out a window Alt: Tim Robinson in ITYSL says "Hope to hear from you soon" before exiting the cafe

I hear that #ShamelessSelfpromoWednesday is a thing, so here's a #writersLift for you. Post your links as comments and repost or quote!

#writingCommunity #booksky #writersOfBluesky

Finding Wit's End | Rick McClelland | Substack Satire, personal essays, and other assorted humor delivered twice a month by semi-pro court jester Rick McClelland. Click to read Finding Wit's End, by Rick McClelland, a Substack publication with hun...

I write humorous personal essays and satire over on my Substack, Finding Wit’s End.

www.findingwitsend.com

The Abolitionists: Robert E. Lee and Nathan Bedford Forrest

The Feminists: Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein

ugh that’s annoying. Sorry you’re dealing with that

Looks like they might’ve taken ‘em down!

Cast Iron Pan Embodying The Seven Deadly Sins It sears. It bakes. It corrupts your mortal soul.

Link to my latest satirical article:

substack.com/home/post/p-...

Cast Iron Pan Embodying The Seven Deadly Sins

I’m having trouble selling my cursed cast iron pan on Facebook Marketplace. Hoping that the audacious folk of Substack Notes will be a bit more adventurous. I am weary of my kitchen being engulfed in hellfire.

I guess I’m just surprised someone is going around stealing niche copyright courses from an independent creator.

I’ve done a lot of online courses and it’s just never something I thought of as having a pirate market. But since I’ve never created one, I guess I wasn’t aware of the intricacies.

Didn’t realize this was a thing people did. That really sucks.

Other than the video protection measures of things like Wistia (which aren’t full proof) idk how you’d even stop someone from just paying and then scraping or just screen recording.

It looks like they don’t even pay but still get in?

I’m now on the job and dating markets at the same time.

Frankly, I should have standing to sue America because this is 100% cruel and unusual punishment.

Hi, my name is Forrest, Forrest Gump. This week I:
1 - Went running
2 - Became a shrimpin’ boat captain
3 - Met three different presidents
4 - Said goodbye to my very good best friend, Bubba
5 - Took Jenn-ay back where she belongs: GREENBOW, ALABAMA

Odds of recently discovered asteroid hitting Earth drop nearly to zero Another night of observations revealed there is little to fear from the football-field-sized Asteroid 2024 YR4.

Can’t catch a break

www.washingtonpost.com/science/2025...

Networking: My Personal Horror Story An awkward tale of professional humiliation

If you've ever interacted with me, you may be entitled to compensation.

Read about one of my many painfully awkward networking stories today:

www.findingwitsend.com/p/networking...

I don’t know why we limit Halloween to only one month when I’m out here getting ghosted year-round.

Greek Mythological Figures Answer Dating Prompts Even gods find love complicated

To read the rest, check out my new piece published in Slackjaw!

medium.com/slackjaw/gre...

Greek Mythological Figures Answer Dating Prompts

Hercules - My Love Language is:

Acts of Service. I’m known round the world for my dedication in performing the Twelve Labours. My ideal partner will be just as driven to atone for the murder of their own spouse.

Next on our sample list we have a varietal from the Caquetá jungle region of Colombia, known for its odorless smell and instant kick.

In the series I'll also be navigating the bleakness of the modern dating hellscape, my experience trying speed dating, and other hijinx.

Subscribe now to get every issue of the series, as well as other satire and comedic musings in your inbox twice per month!

As Seen On Dating Apps #1 Crafting the perfect dating profile

Just launched my new series, As Seen On Dating Apps!

It starts with my profile creation.

How does one stand out in a crowded world filled with too much information? The way we have ever since Bill Gates got out of that garage.

Powerpoint.

www.findingwitsend.com/p/as-seen-on...

Frankly, if I’m gonna be abducted, I’d prefer that little slice of time from 7:34-8:12AM.

I'm sick and tired of broad daylight and the dead of night hogging all the coverage. Carry me off in the narrow daylight.

The biggest mistake we’ve made as a society was removing all the trolls from beneath our bridges and giving them internet access.

True trolls yearn for the bygone days of babbling brooks.

Given the evidence so far, I can only conclude I’m here for both a bad time and a long one.

The deadliest combo.

The inimitable duality of the beauties and horrors of the Internet, all succinctly summed in Mr. Wyatt’s unhinged review of the classic Dr. Seuss work, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.

oh shit, it just hit me: NO fructose corn syrup. duhhhh, so obvious.

Have we tried just making Low Fructose Corn Syrup? Seems like that could be healthier.

idk, just spitballing for my interview with the new Department of Health, seems like something they'd come up with

Imagine being the man told to defend his woman from this monstrosity. Wad of paper towels got nothing. I’m not sure I could finish the job with my 2016 Hyundai Accent.

What method of attack are we thinking? Bonus points if your plan would work millions of years ago when it was ruling our nightmares