M. O’Lybdenum

We’re sorry. Our princess is in another castle.

Can’t argue against “Charlie Work” being number one—that episode is a work of art—but I can’t tell you how pleased I am to see “Water Park” number three. It’s probably my favorite ep and I’ve told countless people who stopped watching after seven or eight seasons that they need to check it out.

Spot on.

When I see that weirdo I’m reminded of this:

Oh man, I’d have loved to have gotten a girl liked but it was always the same shrill redhead looked like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz girl who no doubt thought as little of me.

They always paired us up by height. Me and the tallest girl in class grew to despise each other.

Having school off for Casimir Pulaski Day and square dancing in gym class were two of the biggest "What the hell was that about?" moments of growing up in Illinois in the '80s.

You know things are bad when you envy the dystopias.

The better one is running on different servers. We’re the cautionary tale simulation.

The Graduate [1967]

Beige and Bordeaux? But that makes them sound nicer than they are.

DC United looking poor so far. Part of the problem is these away kits. What are these colors? They look like the compromise reached between a bride-to-be and the wedding planner who knows she’s way over budget and wants to give her a deal on the shit she can’t get rid of otherwise.

This excites so many focus groups!

You’re going to be an amazing grandma!

Congratulations!!

A few days ago the local sports radio guys were discussing the announcement that our NFL team would be playing a game in London next season. “It’s not going to be played at Wembley though. It’s at some other place.”

Right? 😏

Our local Fox affiliate.

You’re saying you had a prolapse relapse??

It’s too bad we used up the last of our domestic supply of shame back in the nineties.

Sunderland did an American preseason tour a few years ago, and their games against some USL Championship teams were televised on ESPN and we were rightly still being dragged for filth months afterward it was so embarrassing.

Looking at something like +20, -30, +40 temp swings this week. Welcome to March, RIP my sinuses.

It’s really the perfect distillation of American cringe.

There are Tibetan monks who can do this too.

What’s the matter babe? You’ve barely defended your three minutes of Lexus stoppage time.

I mean let’s be honest—everything about those opening credits was bog-standard for about 6-8 years.

When you discover you dress like a budget hotel hallway.

🫂

I was today years old when I learned of its existence!

They don’t make ‘em like this anymore (complimentary)