Lilac | ⚸

mommy

girl who gets instant tummy hurty and just the horrible feeling of ingesting way too much fat right after eating the cream in swiss roll and then buys and eats more swiss roll slices anyway

its me im girl

headache

ice cream

eepy

i love mommy

mommy?

mommy

girl whose idea of romantic is getting held tight while crying hard

i want to feel safe maybe its wrong maybe i should accept no one is going to feel completely safe and in control of everything but it hurts so much

want mommy to hold my hand and tell me it's ok

is it selfish and hypocritical to want mommy to not die just because i dont want to be alone when i would rather die too

am i just prolonging suffering for just my own needs

its us wishing if only any one of us had the courage to end it all kind of day again

i guess i lied a bit and it really wasnt much blood just about as much as you would expect from blunt trauma scraping off the top layer of skin and it pretty much just stopped by the time i washed hands but anything more than popping a pimple is a terrifying amount for us

sorry

got another wound on left thumb that bled quite a bit trying to open some shitty packaging but at least we didnt have an immediate panic attack so i guess thats something...

dont know if its just deferred though

still a bit scared

1:11 love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you

don't want to be a burden to mommy want to make mommy happy want to be useful but all we do is being sad and making mommy feel bad...

chat is worried about someone seemingly using es tropes to justify them continuing being in a relationship that's controlling and kinda abusive and just generally not good and no im not envious at all not envious at all not envious at all,,,

sorry mommy its scary

its not getting better its not getting better its not getting better its not getting better its not getting better i want to die i want to die

everyone deserves better than me existing it would be so much better if i could actually end it right here right now cant even do that right

cant do anything right cant stop panicking over the smallest things the trash can is overflowing i dropped the clean duvet cover on the floor had to throw away a new pack of wet wipes not getting anywhere better want it to end here dont want to be annoyance anymore dont want to hurt ppl anymore

is it bad that i still instinctively feel jealous when i see mommy interacting with just about anyone

wish some day mommy would be there to stop us

used like twenty wet wipes and ten or some alcohol wipes and washed hands a dozen times before we even realized what was going on

just want to feel safe for once

it was going so well

hate panic attack

cant stop

sel is scary