Colin McGowan

When Lou Reed sang "I love to watch things on TV," I felt that.

"As you'll recall, there was a brief reprieve, with the rings..."

I've got my people drafting a bill, but the gist is this: you can be in major studio movies -OR- commercials. You wanna shill for Google or Tostitos, go wild, but that is your chosen profession now.

Choosing to believe that Yale has scored a victory against its eternal rival Yale State.

A cat (but no ordinary cat) is kidnapped, and Moscow holds its collective breath On Aug. 1, the Mikhail Bulgakov House Museum posted an alarming announcement on its website and social media accounts.

Thinking about the time somebody briefly kidnapped real life Begemot from the Bulgakov museum. (Also, great job LA Times headline writer.) www.latimes.com/world/europe...

Happened upon this edition of The Master And Margarita where it looks like Begemot signed to No Limit.

I asked my AI assistant to create "Al-Qaeda for douchebags."

We need to save Michelle Monaghan. A second Family Plan movie is too much.

When you shoot at the troops, you shoot at the troops. When you kill people on behalf of the CIA, you become "disturbed by the casualties your unit had caused."

[Conferring with my quarterback:] What do you think about Bozo X Flat Double Pratfall Right here?

Donald Darko, Jerome Maguire, William & Theodore's Excellent Adventure, etc.

I love when the city empties out for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is like: this is where life happens, and you go someplace else to handle the half-real shit you don't want to do.

"Texas A&M is in the running for the SEC crown." Fuck you, no they're not.

Today I heard the sentence "Utah is mathematically alive to play in the Big XII title game." How do we live this way? What have we become?

Every couple of years I'll pick up another book about the Bush era War on Terror and spend the next week yelling HOW DID NO ONE GO TO JAIL?? at random intervals.

The leaf-blower is an obscenity, an instrument forged in the fires of Hell.

Contriving a scenario in which I can tell somebody "I'll see you in the funny papers."

[NFL announcer, their mind like exhausted chewing gum:] You know when you see that military green, over the past fifty years or so, you just think about My Lai, you think about Abu Ghraib, you think about all the great things the military has accomplished as the Niners attempt this 4th and 2 here...

Clutching my face in my fists for a prolonged period of time in hopes that, when I emerge, a better world will be possible.

Toilet wine and eagle tattoos. (Different tone, now.) Toilet wine and eagle tattoos!

Once a week is probably the most anyone should talk at length. About once a month for writers. But of course we live in hell so everybody is scraping the bottom of the barrel at all times.

Them [foolish, infantilized]: It's a serious political work! Tom Bissell worked on it!

Me [brave, serious]: Then Tom Bissell fell the fuck off.

Pettite but not King Felix is a clear statement of values, among other things.

Among the dozen other problems with this thread, "I set up a small business so that I'm my own boss" is how LinkedIn power users talk.

Hamnet, so that's like a cop show with actual pigs?

The last time I watched it a tornado warning went into effect halfway through. So I was sitting on the floor of the hallway with an iPad in my lap, a storm battering the windows, passively thinking about being obliterated by god. Felt about right.

Doing what I do best (gloomily wandering the city at night, trying not to stop off at bars).

I can only assume letting James L. Brooks write and direct in 2025 is a scientific endeavor to create the most out-of-touch film ever made.

It's always a good day to roast every goddamn vegetable in the house and figure the rest out later.

I think John Sayles in his prime could have convinced Trump to nationalize most of the Fortune 500.