weed, sluts, bitches, jesus. long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. then, everything changed when the jesus nation attacked.
03.08.2023 15:25 — 👍 3436 🔁 914 💬 41 📌 49
my top emoji used to be 😆 but now it’s 😭 and that’s all you need to know about how I’m adjusting to moving back to my home town
02.07.2024 12:51 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
HAPPY MOM DAY!!! I just peed a little bit when I sneezed. #blessed
12.05.2024 23:46 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
*toddler asks for granola bar*
*I promptly get the toddler a granola bar, like the dutiful servant I am*
*toddler take one tiny bite of granola bar and proceeds to just hold that bite in her mouth for 30 minutes while being hungry and pissy*
12.04.2024 13:42 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
we got beignets as a special weekend treat and the toddler used hers as a ketchup transportation device instead of actually eating it 🤦♀️
23.03.2024 13:16 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
my toddler just called the super nintendo a “trash can” so I think I need to disown her now
23.03.2024 12:52 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
“From student to unemployed: The millennial pipeline” - @the-camputer.bsky.social
14.02.2024 13:47 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
“I’m kind of disappointed that she’s so awake so I don’t get to smack her in the face”
10.02.2024 23:58 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
“I’m gonna slap your child in the face for 30 minutes” - @doczobum.bsky.social
10.02.2024 23:32 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
me: “wanna stay up til midnight?”
cam: “NO”
#parenthood with @the-camputer.bsky.social
01.01.2024 03:00 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
bitches eat mcdonald’s, yo
19.12.2023 13:04 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
“Ditto would be an amazing lover” @huzeather.bsky.social
14.12.2023 23:43 — 👍 6 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
conference heather 9 years ago: blazers, heels, makeup, going to ALL the things
conference heather today: skipped the last poster session, walked through the conference hotel in jammies and no bra to get a snack from the convenience store
I have not a single fuck left to give
18.11.2023 03:30 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I thought the $17 sandwich in the airport was bad until I got the $20 salad in the hotel 😭
16.11.2023 04:48 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I’d be much more motivated to go vote this morning if they gave out free donuts. SURELY one of my tax dollars could be funding this…
p.s. don’t worry I’m still gonna vote even without the promise of a donut
07.11.2023 11:43 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
So empty inside I’m shocked Spirit Halloween isn’t giving me a call asking for rental prices.
05.11.2023 13:34 — 👍 1 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
just wiped my hands with a used tissue like it was a wet wipe. because I’m sick and have a toddler. which apparently turns me into a fucking savage.
04.11.2023 22:03 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
WOOOOOWWWWW
01.11.2023 11:27 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
buy her what you want to see her in
31.10.2023 19:42 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
what’s it like to be married to @the-camputer.bsky.social, you ask?
31.10.2023 12:45 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
“Sure, dog cute. dog friend. BUT dog shit” @bennybennett.bsky.social
28.10.2023 01:36 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
“there are 4 downs, and 5 ups” - marj on football
21.10.2023 19:36 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
so there I was at Ball State homecoming, offering the youths advice to squat and pee in alley, and they say “thank you ma’am.” I JUST GOT MA’AMD ON MY HOME TURF WTFFFF
21.10.2023 17:06 — 👍 5 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
the fish is POUTY. he can’t change it because it’s just how he IS. he was BORN this way.
20.10.2023 16:04 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
