Endless war against The Allegations

vocalizing the fact that every time I shot my shot it always went horribly wrong has me wanting to pick up smoking

have a test tomorrow morning and imma need everyone to pray for me

I've been doing the work but shit's hard and I've been in a very weird headspace lately that I gotta get out of expeditiously, hopefully if I clear tomorrow's bullshit I get on track to doing so

like idk man for 8 months I sat down every day to practice for 20 minutes, sometimes longer, and I never once felt like I was doing any progress or did anything that I could deem as "okay"

all I got was cursing my hands being made wrong and will take years of physical therapy to fix them

every time I see an artist boiling down the frustration of starting as "don't look for perfect" my eye twitches a little because sometimes you want good enough and can't get there

and if doing something only makes me feel miserable for months why shouldn't I stop

it's just tiresome knowing I can't tell shit to my family

can't tell them I'm bi given how they've reacted to my sister, can't say I'm NB given how they clown on anything involving saying you're noncis

like man I just want to be myself out loud is that so much to ask

Hate having my fears validated!!!!

hmmmmm my family doing "I identify as" jokes guess I'm never coming out to them!!!!!

fun!!!!

I NEED ALL OF TECH TO DIE IN A FIRE

bsky.app/profile/tomw...

Need accounts to be able to go private I'm tired of term searchers stumbling upon this account go away shoo I'll kill you if I must you're less than the dirt I'll half bury you in

In a funnier note I could also not say "just gimme this much money" because I can't out loud declare the reason is "so I can get this chubby NB fox drawn, maybe even showing cock and/or hole"

I'm sorry it's a very stupid thing to get mad at but it's just, man, I can't think of like a gift that doesn't go down the utilitarian route and I don't want that

I don't wanna say "yeah for my bday gimme a new electric razor"

like man this is the one hobby I've spent money on and now I can't spend money on it because companies need to make a kgphjillion dollars per minute

can't do console because buying games is nigh impossible, can't do PC because whoops we need to keep the Infinite Fake Money Pump going or else a CEO will have to kill themselves on live broadcast

can't fucking have shit in this house!!!!

Wanting to shove a butter knife through my windpipe because mom asked what I as a birthday gift and any other year I may have said a new computer but imma be real I don't think that's a thing I can afford anymore or at least until 6 more years when I've saved years worth of money!!!

I hate it!!!!!

It's such a petty/insignificant thing I'm not gonna put you through it

Really appreciate the gesture though

having an opinion I can't voice because it'd require me to point out people being annoying and that's just asking for a fight to break out

need to see that dubcon facefucking with the balls covered in lipstick marks on my desk

(exhaling a large puff of smoke off a cigar)

there needs to be more dubcon stuff where one (or both) sides are covered in lipstick/bite marks

Parents talking mad shit about anyone who does OF and I'm trying my hardest to not say anything

spent 5 hours doing housework and what have you and I'm hearing my mother rambling about no one doing shit around the house

I'm so fucking tired

a man wearing a yellow vest and tie with his mouth wide open ALT: a man wearing a yellow vest and tie with his mouth wide open

it's literally like "yeah we view and recognize US as the bad guys 9 times out of 10 but also none of what you're saying makes sense there's no way a place that big could be so incompetent and cartoonishly evil"

like we got the news coverage about Minneapolis and ofc our outlets were deep throating the bullshit framing of "domestic terrorism" so in their minds it already set in as that

even though they PERSONALLY EXPERIENCED US COPS BEING SHITHEADS IN THEIR HOLIDAYS DECADES AGO

the most exasperating part about witnessing Current Events while sharing a household with my parents is that despite them firmly believing the US to be an evil empire they're still under a certain delusion of "rules" or "competency" where things like the Epstein Files sound made up to them

the divide between gender euphoria at the longer hair and gender dysphoria at the fact it's nowhere closer to hitting shoulder length yet

the most annoying part about babysitting my niece is she doesn't want to play or let me hold her 9 times out of 10 and any time she does something bad or about to harm herself they tell me to shut up

so all I'm doing is watching

If I grab that and straighten it out it goes over my nose shit curls like crazy

I forgot that when going from short to long my hair goes from looking like my dad's to curling/drill-like like mom's

Deadass looking at my hair growth and having this on the brain

After years my hair has once again managed to grow long enough to go past my eyes (it can even touch the tip of my nose if I straighten it)

Praying to God that's a good omen for the back of my head and finally hitting shoulder length

dunno what compelled me to pretend we were still friends but that's done and over with