Nova Scotia Power .... parody....maybe

we will shut off the power.....ʷᵉ'ʳᵉ ᵍᵒⁿⁿᵃ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵗᵒ ᶜʰᵃʳᵍᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵖᵉˢᵏʸ ʳᵉᶜᵒⁿⁿᵉᶜᵗᶦᵒⁿ ᶠᵉᵉ, ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵃˡˡᵒʷ ³⁻⁵ ......ᵐᵒⁿᵗʰˢ ʷᵃᶦᵗ.

Hello, loyal energy consumers! We hope this message finds you... well, chilled to the bone and nervously eyeing your thermostat, because we certainly are!

We're absolutely buzzing with excitement here at Emera Corp., and we just had to share our joy.

#blessed
#powertothepeopleforaprice

That's not just pretty white stuff falling, folks, that's pure demand for heaters, electric blankets, and maybe a 2nd space heater

Remember to crank up that thermostat, we love the sound of your wallets... er, we mean, your comfort.

We at NSP understand that sometimes the lights go out. And we also understand that our profits go up when that happens. It's a win-win! (Mostly for us). Keep paying those bills, folks! We need to fund our CEO's solid gold yacht.

Don't worry everyone, we will increase rate hikes through the UARB as an emergency measure to offset our poor shareholders

#blessed

There's nothing that we are scared of. not politicians, not rate payers, not share holders..........but this thing, it haunts us

We're thrilled to announce our new "Loyalty Surcharge" for customers who... you know... pay their bills.

Think of it as a small "thank you" for your continued funding of our third corporate yacht.

Have a powerfully expensive day!

this is the way

We've been looking at the weather forecast, and oh boy, does it look like we're going to get some seriously heavy rain soon!

we'll be here, diligently working to ensure... well, that we can charge you accordingly for any unforeseen service interruptions. Stay dry, keep those wallets handy!

....and the government that YOU voted (majority) for, are gonna help us do it.

Maximizing shareholder value, requires minimizing your happiness and maximizing our profit margins.

Our annual report is basically just a high-score screen.

Thanks for being our valued, revenue-generating customers!

Remember, the best way to protest our prices is to pay them immediately.

Brrrrr, the ol' power meters are spinning this morning.

our greedy shareholders thank you from the bottom of their cold dead hearts.

Ah, Sunday. The perfect day to reflect on the beauty of nature... and how much we're going to charge you for the electricity to power your fan when it gets too hot. A truly beautiful day for business. Enjoy the light while it lasts. 😉

Just another beautiful day at Emera Corp

Don't worry about those slightly higher rates, folks – it just means we're investing in cutting-edge technology!

(Like that new gold-plated executive bathroom. You're welcome!)

Remember, a little bit of darkness really makes you appreciate the light...

In light of the cabinet reshuffle, we decided to shuffle our rates:

Peak hours will now be; whenever you are awake and considering using an appliance that plugs into a wall.

Time of day rates have been reshuffled to 3:00 am to 3:05 am. Honestly, who can sleep with all this excitement!!!

We’ve just unveiled our brand new slogan! Are you ready?

It’s “We’ll take your money, and you’ll like it. Why? Because it’s dark without us.”

Just another day of innovating ways to make the sun jealous of how much power we hold. Enjoy the glow of your bill!

#payupsuckers

those markups sound familiar.....

Our customer service hold music is just the sound of a cash register dinging.

We figure if you're paying this much, you should at least hear where the money's going. 💸 Call us! (But not really). Don't forget to pay your bill.

Just a quick reminder that while our profits are up 200%, we've decided to nickel 'n' dime you, because, frankly, the private yacht isn't going to buy itself.

Also, expect a brief power outage next Tuesday. We need to test the backup generator... for the CEO's espresso machine.

We see the Houston government taking away people's rights to complain about their counselors.

who do we have to pay to get the same treatment for us?

#americanwannabe

We've heard the whispers about "saving money."

We're worried about you.

Think about it: If you put a bunch of solar panels on your roof, how will we afford our fourth corporate jet this year?

P.S. We've adjusted your rates slightly to reflect the added effort of sending this warning post.

While @dimhouston.bsky.social is out to London and Milan for "trade purposes", let's play a game:

Guess the Rate Hike™

first one to guess (to the closest half percent) what the next hike will be, will win an estimated bill.

#maytheoddsbeinourfavour
#nsppowerplay

NSP Public Service Announcement

We know you love the aesthetic of candlelight dinners, so this month, we're trying to increased rates to encourage more of them!

Think of it as mandatory ambiance.

You're welcome.

(P.S. Our CEO's yacht needs a new coat of varnish.)

From all of us at Nova Scotia Power, we wish you a day with fam and friends.

Remember, every flicker of your decorative lights, every warm blanket from the dryer, represents investment into our quarterly returns.

Cheers to a truly profitable holiday!

Now, who's ready for dessert?

Hey @dimhouston.bsky.social ;

If I'm buying lunch later, you and the UARB owe me a little rate hike.....come on! it's Thanksgiving

#blessed
#nspoli

We hear your complaints about the latest billing adjustment. And honestly? We get it. We truly do.

But look on the bright side: You're now a valued, non-optional investor in our CEO's fourth yacht! So, thanks! 🙏

Now, who wants to watch our stock price climb higher than your debt? 📈

Our New Slogan:

Emera: We're not happy until you're lightly weeping over your bank statement." (Our marketing team is really leaning into the villain angle this quarter. It's working!)

With Canada Post on strike, we wish to remind the public that your power bills are still due

#payupsuckers

Houston slashing the low Income heating assistance is a low point, even for us....but our CEO needs another cottage.