Andrey Bratus

Sad birds still fly.

#Memes #aphorisms
Sad birds still fly.
weird-jokes.com

Weird Jokes – Odd, Absurd & Hilariously Unhinged Humor Dive into the weirdest, wildest, and most bizarre jokes on the web—updated regularly with surreal one-liners, dark humor, and memes that defy normality.

If I had a pound for every woman who called me handsome...

I'd have a pound.

Thanks Grandma.

#jokes #jokes

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#Memes
Sorry I missed your call, I watched it ring and everything.
weird-jokes.com

Having money but acting broke is the best discipline one can have.

#Memes #Jokes
Having money but acting broke is the best discipline one can have.
weird-jokes.com

Weird Jokes – Odd, Absurd & Hilariously Unhinged Humor Dive into the weirdest, wildest, and most bizarre jokes on the web—updated regularly with surreal one-liners, dark humor, and memes that defy normality.

One day you'll find someone that's obsessed with you.

It's probably going to be a dog, but it is what it is.

#jokes

weird-jokes.com

You donate a kidney, you're a hero.

You donate three kidneys, and suddenly the police are involved.

#jokes

90% of men receive their first flowers at their funeral. Harsh reality.

#darkhumor #Sarcastic #Jokes
90% of men receive their first flowers at their funeral. Harsh reality.
weird-jokes.com

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

#Sarcastic #Jokes
The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.
weird-jokes.com

Weird Jokes – Odd, Absurd & Hilariously Unhinged Humor Dive into the weirdest, wildest, and most bizarre jokes on the web—updated regularly with surreal one-liners, dark humor, and memes that defy normality.

Me: Proud of myself, I left the bar sober.

Friend: It was a salad bar.

#jokes

weird-jokes.com

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

#jokes

Sleep is just a free trial of death but with ads.

#darkhumor #Jokes
Sleep is just a free trial of death but with ads.
weird-jokes.com

Your salary is based on how hard you are to replace, not how hard you work.

#Sarcasm #Jokes
Your salary is based on how hard you are to replace, not how hard you work.
weird-jokes.com

Weird Jokes – Odd, Absurd & Hilariously Unhinged Humor Dive into the weirdest, wildest, and most bizarre jokes on the web—updated regularly with surreal one-liners, dark humor, and memes that defy normality.

I met a man with one leg named Steve.

I can't remember what his other leg’s name was.

#jokes

weird-jokes.com

Sex before marriage is a sin, unless you do doggy style as all dogs go to heaven.

Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

#jokes

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than your therapist.

#Sarcasm #Jokes
Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than your therapist.
weird-jokes.com

Guys, I know this sounds crazy, but I'm starting to think politicians make false promises just to get elected.

#Political #Jokes
Guys, I know this sounds crazy, but I'm starting to think politicians make false promises just to get elected.
weird-jokes.com

Weird Jokes – Odd, Absurd & Hilariously Unhinged Humor Dive into the weirdest, wildest, and most bizarre jokes on the web—updated regularly with surreal one-liners, dark humor, and memes that defy normality.

I found a whip, a mask, and handcuffs in my mom's bedroom!

I can't believe she's a superhero!

#jokes

weird-jokes.com

My doctor: “You need to listen to your body more.”

My body: “You’re old and you want pizza”

#jokes

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

#Jokes #darkhumor
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
weird-jokes.com

Girlfriends are temporary, ex girlfriends are forever.

#Jokes #Sarcasm
Girlfriends are temporary, ex girlfriends are forever.
weird-jokes.com

Weird Jokes – Odd, Absurd & Hilariously Unhinged Humor Dive into the weirdest, wildest, and most bizarre jokes on the web—updated regularly with surreal one-liners, dark humor, and memes that defy normality.

"Yes, we had vegetarians in the 15th century."

"We called them peasants."

#jokes

weird-jokes.com

Bad: Waking up with a penis drawn on your face.

Worse: Finding out it was traced.

#jokes

What were electric eels called before electricity was invented?

#Jokes #RhetoricalQuestion
What were electric eels called before electricity was invented?
weird-jokes.com

My hobbies include forgetting peoples names five seconds after they tell me.

#Jokes #Irony
My hobbies include forgetting peoples names five seconds after they tell me.
weird-jokes.com

Roses are dead, love is fake, weddings are basically funerals with cake.

#Jokes #darkhumor
Roses are dead, love is fake, weddings are basically funerals with cake.
weird-jokes.com

I've recently found that nowadays most people don't like holding hands in public.

Especially if you don't know them.

#jokes

#Jokes #humor
Where can you see an ocean without water?
On a map.
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#Jokes #funny
Why don't programmers like nature?
The graphics are great but it has too many bugs.
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I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.

#Jokes #funny
I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.
weird-jokes.com

When you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead. The pain is felt by others.

The same thing happens when you’re stupid.

#jokes