Matt B

I'm gonna be super honest, I only knew the term because of Get Shorty. I had no idea it was a slur. But also it's not a word I ever use? So...

if two of history’s all time whiniest babies can’t get along then what hope is there for the rest of us

Not many people know this, but the song 8675309 is actually threatening people who live in the zip code 75309

Honestly I always found the "hey, piss off kid!" scene from Mitchell to be really (intentionally) funny on its own, no riffing needed.

The way you can tell that JD Vance isn't truly Catholic is that he does not experience shame.

Somehow, Palpatine reloaded.

you don't need chatGPT i am perfectly capable of drinking a bottle of water and lying to you

"All the experts said no, but I kept looking anyway because hey, gotta hit that word count, AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT"

Not to put too fine of a point on this, but if I spent the last few months putting innocent people in concentration camps and the pope died basically three seconds after I met him, I would not continue life apace, I would not immediately clock back in at the fascism factory.

someone should start a petition on change dot org to melt down the statue of liberty.

i bet if we worded it right, we could get them to do it.

Trump Boys Hook Dollar Bill Up To Potato To Make Cryptocurrency First Sons Plan To Mine Coin From Common Root Vegetable

Trump Boys Hook Dollar Bill Up To Potato To Make Cryptocurrency
theonion.com/trump-b...

"and all we have to do is dry out an entire real life lake every time someone launches the game! Very worth it!"

"past a point" good one

AI art of a golden city in The Daily Show

oh nice, that's AI art in the new daily show episode

Just ordered one for takeout. Dine-in felt intrusive.

The only fair way to handle this is to appoint a team of teenagers to tear this company limb from limb until we find out what kind of financial damage they are hiding and where

And when they don't??

Two Republican senators told me tonight this vote shows they can execute the same strategy again — cut Democrats out of the negotiations on a gov’t funding bill, pass it thru the House, and expect Senate Dems to back down and not filibuster it.

“We liked it over here,” one said.

BREAKING: Hundreds of Jews and allies have taken over Trump Tower chanting “We want justice, you say how. Bring Mahmoud home now!” and “Fight Nazis, not students.”

The civil disobedience is spawned by the ICE arrest of Palestinian student Mahmoud Khalil.

JIMINY GLICK: Now you, you, you, you—your cars, they tend to run over pedestrians. Or else BURST into flames. ha HA isn't that wonderful!
ELON MUSK: *the least convincing laugh of all time*
GLICK: *tucking his legs under himself* You bought a website where no one likes you. Why?

a cartoon drawing of a pink circle with the word payo below it Alt: Kirbo saying poyo

I believe I speak for everyone when I say.... poyo

lil pom poko jerk @rajandelman Kirby has no ankles because the Goddess Athena saw what became of Achilles and sought to fashion a warrior that, this time, would not plagued by a single flaw

I have never understood a single Tusk Jenkins post.

Every one I've ever seen is like "bleep bloop blorp blarp" and it has like 2000 reposts.

THERAPIST: When setting goals, it's important to make them achievable

ME: I want to be rolled out of work on my birthday by a group of Oompa Lompas

THERAPIST: I will literally pay you to go somewhere else.

Get in looser, we're going to spelling lessons.

Someone in the crowd started an anti-trans rant at the Markey town hall and was immediately swarmed by a bunch of older lib women who shouted her down and chased her out, like a bunch of crows chasing away a predator.

Google Gemini pop up asking if I want to try it. The buttons say "Try now" and "Maybe later"

These two buttons are a consent issue. Your options are "yes" or "pester me."

did they just means-test the tariffs?