koyuki

but i rlly needed to scream this into the void because idk anything anymore i just feel worthless and not enough

anyways those two will be deleted because they're too straight forward

feeling really really bad today something is empty or unfulfilled

like life is so bad rn that sometimes i wish i was back at the psych ward, at least there i wouldn't have to worry about anything only being treated kinda bad

idk i feel like everything is worthless? i am very depressed those days
some days ago i sat on my windows with my legs out and one more push i would just drop and... i don't like saying this but imagining it felt peaceful, watching the night lights and everything

i am too fucking nice for this world

ugh

like

it really bothers me how most trans ppl can't respect a relationship or commitment at all, i know it is like a mix of feeling unwanted, alone, trauma blabla minority but like.. at least try to break the cycle and if you don't want to don't commit to something you know you won't be able to maintain

relatable

idk what happens with me that i just stop being able to ignore things that bothers me and break... and like people say i should talk them out as if i had not tried already and they never change, they never never ever change, there is just blame shifting and bleh

a giu comeback is in the works and she is better, confident and potential womancore

my injection bled so much today

but tysm for existing in my life, since the beginning, like since the very beginning, our dms, u taking ur hrt, u have always been lovely with me and i don't deserve it

you're so good with me and i feel like I don't deserve it... also it is not only about work, i try to act like i am very happi with my current situation but there are so many... circumstances... to that, like i am happy af but it is scary to fuck things up just to try to have things better

idk what happens with me that i just stop being able to ignore things that bothers me and break... and like people say i should talk them out as if i had not tried already and they never change, they never never ever change, there is just blame shifting and bleh

even more because this time i feel like i got things to lose

it is scary, it is so so so scary

i cried a lot this morning and at night after a nap
i feel like everything is falling apart and that this time i will not be able to hold up

i miss the outside world a lot yet i know i am and i will be the one ti blame about not going out there often

even being good for other people on my life you know, makes me think i am better like this numbed down

like i know this is probably not the best way to go about things but ignoring everything, literally, and just numbing myself
i am managing my chores, playing things and even trying to get work bleh

i wonder if i will ever be enough

but i prefer to let ppl use me and step on me and use me as a bridge or a thingue to cross a very dirty lake than to let off and let them fall anywaysdo like i alwyss bring this stuff to myself

and i always wish those were brsinworms but i am always again and again and again proved wrong

not only that but stupid

hell i am so replaceable i can't

big dick girl

also eating a whole box of passionfruit icecream helps

so it is kinda nice