Kellen Erskine

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(sound of someone sleeping on their side)

Imagine being an unpopped kernel watching your friends burst inside out and eaten from a pile

I bet it’s funny when the canary just dies of old age and those miners scramble for no reason

I often leave sit-down restaurants realizing the tip I left would’ve bought a meal somewhere else I rather would’ve eaten

Imagine how insane the world would be if all animals knew how to throw stuff

I like lazy people because they don’t practice the saxophone three hours a day across from my bedroom window

Recycling is paper or plastic or anything at all if my trash can is full

You never know how many useless things you know until you train someone at work

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while in line at the bank

I always have the words "Just Married" on my car so no matter how I'm driving I assume every honk is congratulatory

Confidence is sitting in the middle seat of a plane but still controlling the window shade

Shows coming up in Santa Cruz, Salt Lake, San Francisco, Phoenix Albuquerque and more, KellenErskine.com for tix

“PLEASE NO GREEN GLOW STICKS”
-Superman inviting people to a rave

You each know who you are…
Shows coming up in UT, CA, AZ, NM kellenerskine.com

I order ginger ale on planes like they don’t sell it anywhere else