Corey

It’s literally free food. I dunno, man…

I bring home:

Bread, sharp cheddar cheese, pesto aioli.. “do you want a special grilled cheese?” GF does not 🤷🏻‍♂️

Buns and leftover sloppy joe mix. Does gf want that? “No.”

Leftover meatball subs from lunch: nope.

Lime, cilantro coleslaw that I made?: nah.

6th pan, deep dish cheese pizza? Nooope.

Naturally, I’m screaming into the void.

Echo, echo, echo….

Nobody uses this fucking app. Who gives a shit.

And a very special FUCK YOU to @visionworks for employing scam artists as “eye doctors”.

And YES I have horrible eyesight. Assholes.

Just FYI, when you go to an “eyeglasses store” & they have a “professional” there to determine your eyesight, don’t just trust that they know what they’re doing. Cuz they’re not real doctors. I have to wear my “new glasses” like this to watch a 50-inch tv 8 feet away from me. They touch my eyeballs.

Movies I could never watch again because they scarred me too much/made me too sad:

127 Hours
Requiem For A Dream
Room
Anti-Christ

How bout you?

$18 becomes $30 just like that. I love living in the future. I’m just tryna eat a cheeseburger 🤦🏻‍♂️

I don’t *not* like Peaky Blinders, but I’m in the home stretch (final season) and still haven’t stopped screaming GET ON WITH IT in my head through every episode.

Also, Anya Taylor Joy over-acts so egregiously in these last 2 seasons, it honestly is ruining everything.

To piggy back on this: Scavengers Reign is fucking awesome.

When it’s 10pm, ooh baby that’s Corey’s time to watch animated tv programs that my girlfriend calls “cartoons” (even though she watches Archer).

Apple execs: Ok so we need a remote control for the new Apple TV. Let’s make sure it’s slim and easily lost in couch cushions

Other Apple execs: ooh! Should we make it just a very tiny shard of glass that even human breath makes it do things the user doesn’t want?

Apple execs: yes! Perfect!

Fucking a, man… Jess’ dad died like 2 weeks ago. It’s just hitting me watching Tap 2. Fuck, man…

You ever wake up too early and then have what you think is a full day and then you’re like “I deserve some rest now” and it’s 11:23 am?

I no longer remember what it feels like to have a consistent & reliable WiFi connection. I don’t think they exist anymore.

I’m no longer allowed to post in my city’s subreddit.

Why?

Cuz everytime there’s a post about a new restaurant opening, I comment “And closed in 18 months.”

I get ppl don’t like that. HOWEVER, do you know how many of those (7) restaurants lasted more than 18 months?

I’ll give you ZERO guesses.

Charlie Kirk died so his wife could fly… Into as much additional money as possible.

Kinda crazy how bonafide grifters can just get away with it in the pure light of day… as soon as a fellow one was in the White House. Again.

And, yes, I use BlueSky to post about life (pooping), and twitter to post about soccer (life).

Nothing says ‘today isn’t going to be your favorite’ like having to poop *after* you just showered.

What I can’t seem to rectify in my brain is this:

if you are a wealthy and famous man, with *plenty* to lose (money, reputation, personal relationships, etc.) by knowingly engaging in obviously shady shit on a sex island… why are you cool with there even being a *SINGLE* camera around???

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT CALIBRI IS SUPERIOR TO TNR! WHY ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS!?

I asked my gf today which actor would play me in a movie… she said Sean Astin

Conflicted about wether or not to feel complimented.. 🤨

Buster from the tv show ‘Arrested Development’ holding an arm full of plushies while he looks at his mother Lucille, saying, “these are my awards, mother, from FIFA.“

Who has made this 🤣

When I cast soccer games illegally from my laptop to my tv, all I’m really doing is watching the game on my laptop. And for absolutely no reason choosing to listen to the audio from further away.

#bhafc this is objectively *not* a game I would show to my friends who aren’t already into soccer.

My money would also be on a sloppy own-goal to seal the deal.

Yikes. In that case, needs a refresh. Either back home or elsewhere. Shame.

#bhafc wtf happened to Yalcouye at Swansea??? Bring him home.

Self-driving cars? Fine, whatever.

Self-cleaning weed bowls? UMMM WHERE DO I SIGN??

Do #safc have more than one ‘Le Fee’ on the roster? No? So, then, WHAT is the point of his jersey reading ‘E. Le Fee’?????

Just in case we don’t get him confused with…..????