Ellie 🍋

who called it Heated Rivalry and not Fuck Ice

WRAP a potato in silver foil and leave it in your house just in case your home catches fire and burns down. If the worst does happen, you will at least have a baked potato to look forward to. Derek Snowden, Bolton

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

i think homeschooling should be legal as long as the parents put up a $1m bond that people can later recover damages from if they have to interact with the homeschooled person later in life

ten years ago today no one clapped

I’m about to go upstairs and start mediation between my neighbour’s teenage daughters

Watching Industry through my clenched fists to see what HBO let them do this week

As a seasoned veteran of having bubble guts at work, I don’t think that was it

(the whole cabinet standing up one by one Spartacus style) *I* sharted

Do you think it’ll be like when Twitter had ads for the same purple vibrator in the replies of anything mildly popular

Tabby with dilated pupils

You want to give me a slice of pizza

. So bad there is so much spare pizza

, Willa should have slice

“I’d love to pick your brain sometime” but it means I think you should get a lobotomy

Think of sex-positive queen Cookie Googleman

I keep trying to have fun on bluesky but I feel like I’m hanging out in a teacher’s lounge. Where are the funny girls who are just a little mean

Dear Jeff yes hello from my work email. Can’t wait to see u at Sexcriminalboat ,,

every time i see a white guy in their fifties radicalized by the twitter algorithm into racism and extremism i think about how it's a total failure of the youtube algorithm to instead radicalize him into home brewing, elaborate A/V setups, or DIY solar

Texting him “babe I’m wearing garters” and then pulling up with these under my slacks

Zoup reboot called Bisque Jockey

Hey do you want a protein bar? It tastes like a farmer’s field and you won’t want dinner

Button with a medieval guy collecting a basket of dicks

Idk who dropped this on Young St in Waterloo but you gave my shitty day a fuckin U-turn

Scared to email Levi’s about their warranty policy because my thighs are absolutely not part of “regular wear and tear”

Tate McCrae songs sound like plagiarism and I can’t explain that any further

“Call the ambulance… But not for me!” Meme where the first panel is Dec 2024, the attacker is Conservative, the old man is Liberals. Second panel, April 2025

Canadian federal election:

Pierre Poilievre standing at a lectern with one of his formulaic verb-the-noun catchphrases, but this one says SHIT THE BED / FAITES CACA DANS LE LIT.

Tobias Funke crying in the shower

Pierre Poilievre after somehow fumbling an election that was headed to him on a diamond encrusted palanquin

Let’s go Marcus Carnival, give us nothing

My best sun safety tip is to buy an expensive concealer in February (peak pallor). All Summer you will be cognizant of the UV, I swear

Huge step forward for bum chin representation by getting rid of his tho