TM

You know how old coworkers promise to keep in touch, do lunch, etc? So often they don’t. Even though you know life has gone on for all of you, it can still hurt.

When I worked at the old place, I repeatedly asked for help and was denied. You said you’d given me all the tools I needed. But now that I’m gone, you’ve hired 4 people to do what I did. Make that make sense.

I know the world is on fire but I just learned that the person my former employer replaced me with is leaving. They barely made it 90 days.

Sigh. Now the old company didn’t change the credit card on a job board so the ads were placed on my personal card. I’ll get the money back but c’mon! Their screwups would be comical if it wasn’t so pitiful.

My former employer has screwed up my medical and dental insurance and now my severance. So ready to be done with them.

Not to mention I had a bad dream about the place and departure. Work up pissed and hurt. Took me a long time to work through that. I truly have been so relieved to not be there anymore and my stress level is much lower. That dream took me right back.

The one bad part of having severance is I have to answer any questions the new person or old boss has during the period. They’ve asked the same question 3x. It’s to the point that I get nauseous seeing her name pop in my email.

No one removed me from the company chat. Very surprised at who has also left. But can’t ask without letting people know I’m still in the chat.

For the first time, I’m getting anxious about the job search. It seems roles are drying up and I’m not getting bites. I know it’s cyclical and I know something will happen. I’m just unaccustomed to this downtime.

Oh and I am already angry because the fucking idiot in charge of the country is running it into the ground.

Someone just described my old boss as “narcissistic lying moron.” Took me a minute and then realized it was accurate. #healing

Have you read any of Jasmine Guillory’s books? They’re rom-com style but a fun escape.

Quick check-in. What’s our stress levels rn?

Me- home 7/10; work 8/10; world 9.999/10

Explain why someone who doesn’t know my workload is shifting work to me. And it’s not my skill set. At all. It’s such an obvious attempt at a constructive discharge.

I miss my mom. She hated Dump too so we’d be ranting about tomorrow. Sometimes the weirdest thing triggers grief.

Tell me I’m being petty and it’s not a big deal. New manager starts in July. My birthday in early December gets no acknowledgment - fine. Two other staffers since then get lunches, decorations and treats for their birthdays. I realize we’re adults but there’s a lingering hurt.

Monday’s thoughts:
-rain on Monday makes it worse
-unhappier than ever at work
-Americans will sacrifice themselves before they give a black woman power, no matter how qualified she is
-middle school hasn’t gotten any easier than it was when I was there
-I’m still pissed four years later

Came to the conclusion that my time at a place is over. Trying to shed things, places and people who no longer sit well with my soul.

I’m having to do an awful lot of work and put up with an awful lot of bullshit on what is supposed to be a blow-off day.

Usually 2-3 chapters. I’ve had to learn that it’s okay to DNF a book.

May not be the most mature response but I need to protect my peace. 6/6

I was around him for an hour and got so frustrated, I needed to leave the house. Because he isn’t involved in Dad’s care, he doesn’t understand his limitations. So I know how his choices will end. And who has to deal with the fallout? So I am just abdicating any and all decision making. 5/6

Yet it is so unbelievably hard to have him here for the holidays, acting like everything is normal. He’s never acknowledged how hard it is on me and my family. So when he’s questioning my decisions about the holidays, I tend to overreact. 3/?

I have a younger brother who lives 15 hours away. He worked remote during 2020 but never once came here, even when Mom spent 30 complicated days in hospital. Or Dad’s 10 day stay that year. He barely calls, even when Mom was alive. I acknowledge that I have a ton of resentment. 2/?

I caretake my dad. Check on him daily. Take him to medical visits. Deal with his financials. Handle all sorts of things. I’d nursed Mom through her cancer battle-2+ years of docs, TPNs, chemo. Started in 2020. All while working FT, raising a kid, tending marriage 1/?

Time for the short rom-coms!

Birthdays just aren’t the same since my mom passed. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I know my husband will try. I miss her more then than any other day.

Work not going well. Teenager teen aging. Now have another abnormal mammogram. And it’s the anniversary of last time I took Mom to hospital. Bad day to forget my antidepressant.

No trauma in our childhood. My child adores him- I won’t hurt her by influencing their relationship. It was always bad but everything with Mom just exacerbated it. I struggle to fully grieve because I’m caretaking. He doesn’t help carry that load. One day I may collapse from this weight. 5/x

He was going on international vacay while I’m calling funeral homes to pre-plan for Mom. I have a million examples of his selfishness. And is it me? Am I the issue because I’m the oldest and a daughter so I handle things? Or is it him? I’ve never been the absent child so I don’t know. 4/?