Charlie B.

ADHD be like: On God, as long as this fidget spinner is spinning, I can rule the world.

Hold me back bro, I'm having an Eleventh Hour Number bro.

-Deli Meats
-Scooby Doo's friends
-Types of Fonts
-Things I Take Off a Big Mac

-Borat References
-Maritime Laws
-Nuts
-Kinda Sounds Like Orange

-Founding Fathers
-Ennui
-Lovecraftian Horrors
-Problematic Foods

-Flagrant
-Absolute Units
-Parts of a Cybertruck
-Associated with Bullshit

"let's make a movie that will appeal to kids and teens" used to be conventional wisdom but Hollywood somehow forgot it and started trying to please 35 year old supernerds instead

I hope ppl were fed at least

Bro, you GOTTA stop nuzzling your head into my chest, I'll tell you what perfume I put on after Karaoke.

Born to be Bubbles from The Powerpuff Girls, forced to be Blossom.

Yo bro, check this out *works an 8 hour shift*

Pussy got me taking responsibility for my actions. That grip is straight up holding me accountable.

My brother in christ, she's posting videos of her live music performances AND posts on how to identify ICE officers, she's out of your league dawg 😭😭

I love Tolkein as much as the next guy, but I just want to check Sauron's fit 😭🙏

J.R.R. Tolkein: here is the theology, world, and politics of an entire universe.

Jane Austen: We are in England, and this is every thought, feeling, and thread of fabric I could possibly conceive a person had.

Bestie, that's the joke, I am actually obsessed with him. Do u want me to mansplain it further?

My cock runneth over

I am NOT obsessed with Sigmund Freud!! His views are archaic. His perspective is too binary, it oversimplifies everything!! I hate the man. UGH, I wish I could kill him...

Freudian psychology be like: LOL you think everything is about sex? That's weird. You're weird for thinking that. It makes you sound weird and horny, lol. God, you sound just like my dad. Who would never listen to me. Not the way you do... Holy shit

Literally, all I need is like, a third person that understands and cares about this hyperfixation

*years later when my child does theater*
Some poor usher: hi! :) Welcome to East High Drama Club's production of Sondheim's Sweeney-
Me, frothing at the mouth, shaking them violently: WHERE'S THE GARLIC?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE GARLIC?!?!

My dad: I didn't really like Sweeney Todd :/ it was too dark. Too morbid and sad. I ended up walking out of the movie theater.
Me: I am deep diving this musical I am searching the annals of Sondheim's asscrack for info, this is all a Vampire metaphor it goes all the way up WHERE IS THE GARLIC SYMBOL

Some exceptions may apply: If someone I respect prompts the topic and I dignify them with a response, or with direct intentional opposition. Either way, the response is nothing by ridicule

With this tweet, I am no longer acknowledging the President-Elect. Donnie feeds off of attention and being a spectacle. Not my circuses, not my Nero. I have bread to get.