Sam (formerly Barisan Hantu) 🇸🇬🍉

The more professional experience I gain, the more I understand why the things I said on twitter often made people mad, no matter how much context I provided

I don't experience anxiety when watching horror but I imagine this is the feeling most people get when they do

I think the best way to describe my personal experience of social situations as an autistic is that it's like moving through a haunted house: groping on the dark, pretty sure none of it matters, still waiting anxiously for the worst to happen

I seriously need mentoring for my autistic+adhd working style.

After almost 10 years of work, I'm FINALLY understanding why chasing whatever I want to chase in the most intense fashion ends up sabotaging my career

I work in special ed 😂

But the concept of autistic adhd adults existing in the wild and having something like an actual career doesn't exist here

I don't think that's true!

In my mind, when I tell the truth (consistently and basically all the time), people will trust me.

But that's not how it works in the real world

I'm too autistic to understand that trust has nothing to do with truth

Like one thing I really need to do is to calendar time just for checking stuff but currently I'm barely staying afloat with everything I need to do so I don't really have time to properly check my work and it feels like I am not getting any support so

I feel like I need to change my working style so that I can figure out how to reduce errors in my work

It's definitely a combination of my working style and life changes (having two boys) and more responsibilities that involve operational stuff

But yeah my brain is pretty terrible at reviewing information and checking that it's correct even though it's all correct in my head

ADHD has been beating my ass a lot more these last two years like it's a lot harder to keep my thoughts straight, it's a lot harder to stay focused and the number of clerical errors in my work is too damn high

Needing to check for brainskips every once in a while is very annoying

Exactly!

Autistic folks, would you ever "intentionally" have a meltdown to get something you want?

My colleague seem to think this is possible but I'm like I wouldn't even wish a meltdown on my worst enemy lol

The autistic dilemma of whether I want to be aloof and terrifying or outgoing and appear so naive that I cam be taken advantage of

I feel like all the wires for socialising that came loose during autistic burnout have kind of reconnected, finally. But it sucks because currently I'm just socially aware of how much I suck at human interaction and haven't quite relearnt how to connect with other human beings lol

2.5k is the cost through the public healthcare system here, so I can't imagine what it must be unsubsidised

You know you have ADHD when you have been taking ADHD meds for something like 7 years but you've only just calculated for the first time that your meds cost you 2.5k a year

I don't fully understand other folk at work. Is it largely a thing that people don't have room to pushback, ask questions and negotiate with higher ups?

Because I simply cannot function that way regardless of which role I'm playing

I've been away from social media for quite a bit and it's been great. Not entirely related but reflecting on my work persona and realising the extent to which I absolutely do not connect with people and wondering how I could possibly be anything but autistic

It turns out that everytime in the past I was behaving "unprofessionally" it was because I was being taken advantage of and reacting appropriately, but also being autistic and getting confused by people's reactions to the situation

Not to say we shouldn't talk about things explicitly, I've just learnt that it's not that easy to do so

Pro tip to all my fellow autistic people: calling out injustice or bad behaviour at work generally doesn't go well; naming things explicitly usually backfires in contrast to acting quietly

Generally my best approach seems to be to come across as naive and nice (and easily taken advantage of) which leads to people letting down their guard and showing their true colours. Then I can act in response and I've learnt direct confrontation isn't ideal

Maybe I've sort of figured out how to use my autistic traits to navigate workplace politics, although some strategies need refinement and aren't without drawbacks

Like I need to know when I can't drive or check important documents

I need an internet speed test but for my attention span

I'm so irritated by my errors this term that I'm gonna set up like twenty different excel sheets to automatically cross check my own information

I might be autistic but sometimes it's other people who are fucking weird (derogatory)